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Currently Browsing: Midlife Motherhood

My Body Myself

I had a not so nice moment with my body in a dressing room recently. I said in this Instagram post,

“I went shopping today. Put my body in front of mirrors. It was quite soul crushing. I’m reeling with the hangover of my 52-year-old body.”

This mental place of self-hatred is a familiar abode for me. I’ve spent more time in my life disliking my body than liking it. Gladly, I bought clothing afterwards that I liked the way it fit and looked on my body. And that was what I packed for my vacation. I did more shopping while I was away and suddenly, I have discovered graciousness, compassion, and comfort are my current needs.my body self on Shalavee.com

I shopped for pieces that were elegant, well-fitting, and comfortable. And I am finding this shift comforting. To stop fighting and to accept where I am is living. At the same time, I am also thinking I may rejoin weight watchers for a limited amount of time and give a few exercise classes a try that I have been shy to join. Because when you do even the littlest thing towards a goal, even though there is no change, you feel immensely better for being in process.my body self on Shalavee.com

Because truthfully, you’ll never move on if you can’t accept where you are. All together, that looks like doing my best at being dressed comfortably and abstaining from the judgment of my worth as a plump 52-year-old. And then setting some intentions to tone and increase my stamina in my body so I can feel strong and powerful inside my body, proud of who I am.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Belonging to Myself

I feel unqualified to be an adult. Like someone didn’t give me the manual and the rule book. And I’ll be found out. I was raised to need someone else to give me a sense of belonging. It would seem my kryptonite is my own independence. This is the story I am discovering and hoping to rewrite. And may well be the story of many women who feel their purpose of existence is to serve others.

But I have found that not belonging to myself causes me great grief. A sense of being untethered and ungrounded. Not belonging to you means that you look for all your comfort and sense of identity from others. And I am adamant that my daughter finds a way to be here for herself. We had a conversation about this once and she called it her Body Buddy. Imagine the kind of love and acceptance we could give ourselves and then to the world if we belonged to ourselves, inside the bodies we have, with the compassion of angels.Belonging to Myself on Shalavee.com

What is a sense of Self-belonging comprised of? Self-love, self-trust, and self-knowledge perhaps. A feeling of faith that you are here just as you need to be when you should be. That you have everything you need within you to fulfill your purpose here. And you are never alone as long as you know that you are a pretty awesome friend to you.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

You May Have Forgotten But You Are Still in Charge

You, Yes, you are in charge of your life. I am adamant about stating that your life is for you to plan. Even if you choose to do what others suggest you do, it’s always been your final choice to make. You are in charge of your own life plus the lives of your small ones. And for the most part, this in charge status also extends to your family’s way of living. You are probably steering your family boat as a Mama.

Without this understanding, other people think they’re in charge of you. The kid in the Target who is melting down and then the mother says they’ll leave without the toy but then she doesn’t leave after threatening to time and time again? He’s in charge and they are both scared and doomed. The woman who consents to live in a house with dangerous people around her children, she is making the choice to put them in harm’s way. Or to stay in an abusive marriage, she is punishing her own inner child by continuing to stay. I’ve been there. 

You May Have Forgotten But You Are Still in Charge on Shalavee.comBut here’s the part that makes me want to scream when I remember it. No one has to repress you if you willingly judge, bash, and self-bully yourself daily for them. Your choice for empowerment is in your hands everyday. We have everything we physically need daily to change the course of our lives to safer and happier and better. And yet, our heads tell us lies we believe and we stay stuck and ashamed.

If the people in your life do not support you in your journey towards self-betterment, they need to step gently off your train. If you blame your parents for messing you up or your children for being a burden, look again. Your choice starts with perspective and an acknowledgement of your power to choose.

The most beautiful gift we give away for so much of our lives is our choices and our voices. It may feel like a weight to take them back but the opposite is true. Owning them will set you free.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Value the Heck out of Our Good Educators

We have our kid enrolled in a public school. He’s a super smart kid, scores ridiculously high on those school standardized tests, and we’d absolutely go into debt to pay for a private school if it was the right thing. But he’s a musician and the music program at his school is marvelous. The reason the school’s music program is so very good is because of one teacher. One amazing dedicated inspirational teacher.

He’s the guy who was a music nerd in school just like my kid. He’s turned Eamon and his classmates on to Jazz and Buddhism and a number of wonderful things that would have meant nothing coming from me. And he hears and sees each of those kids. And they feel heard and seen. They feel like they belong there in that class. In a time when we are fast becoming cogs in a giant wheel, it is more important than ever to acknowledge our children as the people that they are. They need to know they belong somewhere and are not just being asked, nay commanded, to fit in.Value the Heck out of Our Good Educators on Shalavee.com

So imagine our outrage when the mandate got handed down that the 8th grade middle-schoolers in Maryland would have to fulfill a mandatory language credit for one half of the year instead of having band. So for one half of the year, band and choir and art students all had to give up their sense of belonging to complete a credit of something they’ll get plenty of in high school. He was unhappy and so my son passed around a petition to these children which they all signed because they thought maybe their disappointment would be heard.

The story will continue to play out. These children will not get that time back to be seen and feel good about themselves being who they are this school year. And sadly, the program in high school isn’t the same and many of them will drop out. Not my kid but for many, this is their last chance before life continues its artistic oppression.

So on behalf of Eamon’s music teacher, and for all the teachers who deserve the credit we keep forgetting to give them, write a thank you note to one you appreciate. Gush if you can. Because they deserve to hear our appreciation for the mostly thankless job they do. Their administrators just don’t get that it’s truly about the students. Their advocacy, their support, and their chance to be seen for exactly who they are.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

With No Definition of Success Or Enough, You’re a Hamster on a Wheel

I once read that you won’t know if you have succeeded if you don’t have a picture of what success looks like. I found that profound and daunting as I wasn’t allowed to succeed so I’d be unable to come up with that. I can also see now that having no definition of enough would wear one out in a never-ending pursuit of it. The proverbial hamster’s treadmill of running and never getting there. Yet aren’t these two words the hinge pin for American success?With No Definition of Success Or Enough, You're a Hamster on a Wheel on Shalavee.com

They used to call me the Energizer Bunny because I was perpetually busy. Some think I’m still this way. I kept busy so no one would notice I had no idea what I was doing. Would I now know Success and Enough if they walked up and smacked me in the face? I’m sure they’ve tried. Low self-esteem and a Puritan work ethic kept me from my clarity.

Now that I have a dawning awareness of what makes me happy and how much I can actually accomplish, I am reverent and wary of success and enough. I feel successful in many many ways. Having sweet smart healthy independent children feels like success to me. Being in process of advancing my writing career and beginning to lead others to their creative passions feels like a success.With No Definition of Success Or Enough, You're a Hamster on a Wheel on Shalavee.com

But what of enough? Sure you know how much it takes to feed and house and clothe you and your family every year. And the costs for trips and art and music supplies and to celebrate your birthdays and go to the doctor’s. But what about savings and house repairs? There’ll never be enough of those. Or will whatever you have always be enough?

These are questions only you can answer but I think it’s also important to answer them. Because while you feel super dandy working all of those hours to make the money for your family, if you can’t spend time with that family then what’s the point? Covering the bills can be enough until such time comes as you can save. It’s up to each of us to be willing to take the knife away from our throats long enough to see what is really important. Because when tomorrow comes, you will have to sleep with your regrets regardless of your good intentions. My priorities have light brown and red hair and like to play video games and sing. How about yours?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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