One of the biggest promises I made to myself this year, was to actively address and change any situations where I felt shame or blame in my life. One of the reasons I made this promise is because someone in my life keeps actively shaming me.
There are people who you may have to deal with on a regular basis who rub you the wrong way. They may be coworkers, in-laws, or even your relations that you are forced to endure. However, each of us has the right to be us. To live and make mistakes and gain weight and go in debt without being shamed. We do not “invite” shame by being us.
Better Mothers Would Not Approve
Active shaming is something I’m certain better mothers would not approve of.
If you need to put someone else down and insult them to make yourself feel better, that is just sad and still unacceptable. Yet sometimes, society will excuse bad behavior with a laugh or a shrug. We can’t expect everyone to play nice.
But I strongly believe we owe ourselves the sound of our own voice stating our boundaries. I think we need to hear ourselves say, “You do not get to speak to me this way.” I need to be my own hero and stand up for myself and say no more. And so, I have taken up arms against a sea of troubles, money management and hormone treatment, and by opposing, hope to end them.
So, this is what I say:
I will not feel ashamed that I am not skinny.
I will not feel ashamed that I do not know how to manage money.
I will not feel ashamed that I haven’t made more of myself as a writer.
I will not feel ashamed that I don’t know how to type.
I will not feel ashamed that my clothing, my car, or my house aren’t that fancy.
I will not feel ashamed that I haven’t read all of your newsletters and posts even though I wished I could.
Pride is the Solution
What is the antidote to Shame? Pride of accomplishment. I will feel proud that I have two beautiful smart competent emotionally stable children gracing the world.
I am proud that I live every day with intended purpose and creativity.
I am proud that my honesty, while not being a money maker yet, has helped countless people feel better, even when they didn’t tell me.
I am entitled to stand on this earth just like everyone else. I’m allowed to screw up and fall down. I’m allowed to pick the friends that support me and cut off the ones that don’t.
I’m allowed to love myself even if you don’t love you.
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