search
top
Currently Browsing: Self-Discovery

Why is Being Less Anxious a Bad Thing?

For years, I suffered my anxieties. Eventually, I recognized them and set an intention to “cure” myself of them. I tried everything to make this happen. I am perpetually in therapy. I read a copious amount of material on understanding myself, self-love, meditation, and forgiveness. And nothing was truly doing the trick.

A year ago when finally, in desperation, I wisely asked for my doctor to write me a prescription for some pharmaceutical relief from what finally felt like a living anxious hell, I found my way out. I had won and I had lost. Because while I feel 200 % better with no more roaming perpetual anxious dialogues in my head, it wasn’t supposed to be that easy.

I told my therapist, it was like I’d been rowing hard in a row boat race upstream to beat my anxieties and suddenly I was in a cigarette boat and I’d reached the finish line. It felt like I’d won and I’d cheated. My recovery was supposed to be hard won. Easy is apparently not an easy word for me to live by. Why is Being Less Anxious a Bad Thing? on shalavee.com

I think that the neuropathways of the brain can be so worn down in familiar anxious usage that it really is too difficult to redesign the topography. The medicine allows you to rise about the auto thoughts and recreate happier healthier ways of thinking. Yes, for people like me who have struggled so long, we feel the struggle is noble, it seems a cheat. But isn’t the point to escape the anxieties?

I still work on myself in all the same ways I did before. I am focusing a great deal on self-compassion and allowing for my humanity. I am enjoying all the tiny moments that make up my life. I am trying to live meditatively. And I am doing a pretty amazing job of it. Perhaps I just need to forgive myself for taking the easy way out.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Are You a Noun or a Verb?

If I had to tell you what I would do when I grew up, I’d say “I’m going to be a Momma. I’m going to be an Artist. I’m going to be a Writer. And I’ll expect all of those things of myself that go along with being the best Momma Artist Writer that you think I can be. I mean I think I can be.”

Who gets to decide if you are what you say you are? Are you legitimate only when someone says you are, gives you a certificate or a diploma or an award? Because if the answer is anyone other than you deeming you legitimate, you’re screwed. You have no control over anyone or anything but what you do today.

An additional haphazard of self-definition is deciding what to base your definition on. Are you are a human being or your human doing? Are you a noun or a verb?

I say you are what you do daily. You are not your title but what you devote your time and energy to. You are the energy of your intentions.Are You a Noun or a Verb? on Shalavee.com

But maybe you are innately you at any given point and the doing is a distraction from yourself and being. You can try to do all the things to change our mind but we know who you are. Again, your insecurities about others’ opinions of you can render you hazy and scattered.

If focusing your intentions and efforts will bring you to what you want, I guess that makes me a human doing in the best way possible. I know that all I do makes me happy and purposeful. And besides, I think Mom is a verb anyway.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Do You Belong to the Cult of Zen Okayness?

I had heard rumors about the Cult of Perfect on the internet. And although I have stayed away from much of the perfecty picture world, there is definitely a cult of Okayness that exists. Women posting about how zen their lives, clutching their cupfuls of okayness while they practice mindfulness and home school their children.

While I aspire for the zen okayness, and no, homeschooling isn’t for me, I can’t help but sense that the perpetual claiming of this smacks of a Lady Macbeth flavored lack of achievement. If I keep claiming it, it will become true. And all I’m really feeling is lack.

So the question is, do you act as if the thing has happened and hope that the pretending makes it so? Or do you just own your lack of perfect okayness, let it hang out, and claim how hard it is to admit that? Because if that underlying niggle that things are not OK, that you are somehow failing your family, and that you are not enough festers, don’t you feel the build up and release will be bigger and badder than just claiming your humanity?Do You Belong to the Cult of Zen Okayness? on Shalavee.com

I admitted recently that my family’s well-being has been my number one priority above myself. And I finally feel like I can be done worrying about that and move on to working on the work that enlivens and empowers me. I am handing back some duties to them, and taking back the understanding that if my soul isn’t nourished, theirs won’t be either.

Where are you? Are you telling yourself a story or are you allowing your humanity and moving through it?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Four Self-Value Phases

This self-valuing process is very slow and laborious. When you start at such a deficit, low low low self-esteem, there’s a lot of work before you even begin to notice yourself. Because it takes as long as it takes. You can not hurry the process of peeling off the layers of self-doubt and disdain and distortion. You can only commit to working through them. Or even begin by recognizing this is even a “thing” that needs working on.

The First phase in the journey then is to recognize you may have any value in the world.

That “worthless piece of trash “ stuff can run pretty deep. If you were abandoned or neglected emotionally by a parent in your formative years, you have a good chance of having low self-esteem. Yes, your parents were doing their best but it might not have been enough at the time. Every child has an innate understanding that they deserve to be loved without strings and patience.

I stayed pretty clueless and isolated for most of my life. So  it wasn’t until I was 40 something before I realized that I had low self-esteem. And then I vowed that I deserved to feel better than this and set out on my journey that has involved therapy, creativity, social media, and medication to help me see me.

The Second Phase in the self-value journey is to see your value through others’ eyes.

This is when you stop isolating and reach out to other like minded people. Through communities both in person and online, I spent many years communicating and creating relationships. This built my esteem in a very basic but wondrous way. I am definitely through that phase but I teeter at the next phase.Four Self-Value Phases on shalavee.comases

The third phase: recognizing my awesomeness myself.

It requires not tossing away people’s compliments like trash but taking them into your heart and letting them sit there like a song bird perched and singing. It requires interacting with people and being your authentic self and seeing you through their eyes and then agreeing with them. And it could require some self-affirmation phrases, as heinous as that may sound. It may ask that you get a therapist to consult a third party neutral on what the truth about you really is.

The last and final phase in the self-value journey is to be Riding that Value like a Magic Carpet ride into your Future. Sounds like a fantasy but I’ve seen people reach that place and begin to live different lives. In order to see more of them, I suppose I need to be one of them.

I highly recommend Jen Sincerro’s Badass books for a boost and a whole different perspective on how the world is rooting for you. I also recommend saying “Thank you” to anyone who gives you a compliment. It’s polite and it may make their day to accept their gift graciously.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Proving I Can Do It

I took Sas Pethrick’s Self Doubt Archetype quiz to see what type of gal she defined me as it relates to my procrastination and fear. And what I found out is that I’m an Innocent. In my childhood, I wasn’t empowered to believe I could do it. And so I don’t believe I can do anything without help. I get kinda panicky when I think I have to do something I don’t know how to do. I am often a doubtful child in a woman’s body.

So at home, I’ve begun to take care of home projects that are bugging me as a way to remember who I really am (a kickbutt self-empowered woman) and prove I get stuff done. And Wow, what a difference a shift makes. I gave re-glued, repaired, restrung, and rehung all sorts of little bits in my house that made me feel broken looking at them.proving I can do it on Shalavee.com

Yes I can replace the guts in a toilet. Yes I can fix an old door lock box. Yes I can clean that hard to get to window in the stairwell. I can assist in installing a new ceiling fan. In fact, I bet there are a lot more things I can fix if I just put my mind to it. Or do without a single clue. We can’t wait until we know, have enough time, or have enough money because we’ll be waiting our lives away.

But when in true doubt? Hire a professional. I am not doing outright plumbing myself.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

« Previous Entries Next Entries »

top