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Currently Browsing: Self-Discovery

Reject the Meritocracy and Embrace Your Who-ness

I had a dream once where I heard myself say,”You are your purpose, you are your reason why.” I woke up and knew it was prophetic. But I didn’t yet believe it.

But then yesterday, I had a similar profound thought. What if my purpose on this earth is just to be me and that gave others permission to be themselves? What if living and thriving actually looked like doing all those things I love to do. Connecting and communication with people and talking about self-development, creativity, and authenticity.

I always assumed that a life’s work meant that you have to do things you despise for people you tolerate. But what if my value is for who I am, my who-ness, and not for my accomplishments per se. I read a quote recently that said to be aware and question if not reject the Meritocracy where we are always measured by our achievements. No wonder we strive endlessly and burn out. We are human doings dying to earn our human being badge.

My value is based on who I am. Pretty radical thinking I’d say. And as long as I stay the truest to that and keep myself inside my protective bubble I’ve termed my soul buffer zone, I am living the best life I can for me. Not for others and their expectations of who they think I should be. But mine.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Grappling with My Not Enoughness

My brain started to swirl two days ago. I thought, “this was inevitable” . I realized that my thoughts were familiar and the bad feelings that accompanied them were too. Not enoughness was rising up and threatening to swamp my mood and render me hopeless.

I thought, the medication is failing just like I knew it would. I thought, why haven’t I started any project of meaning? I thought, I am not losing any weight on Weight Watchers gosh darn it. I thought, There’s too much and not enough.

And so I sat on my couch and reached out for a voice that would counteract this and I found it. I had subscribed to a five day email series from Mara Glatzel on Enoughness. I listened to her final video and then I listened again.

She said our messy humanity which we are confronted with every moment of every day is not proof of our not enoughness. We as women ask ourselves to be more and do more than we are actually capable. And when we come up short with these overzealous expectations that are supported by our family and society, we get to feel badly about ourselves.

grappling with my not enoughness on Shalavee.com

How many ways do we set ourselves up to feel “less than” ? These unrealistic expectations of our bodies, our time, and our boundaries keep us powerless and distracted. No one needs to oppress us, we do a damn fine job all on our own.

That day I realized that I was probably already living my life’s purpose. I am still a devoted blogger and daily Instagram poster and my creativity and authenticity give others permission. Whatever you are doing today is what you are meant to be doing today. Don’t doubt that. Let your gratitude for your messy life be enough in this moment.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

When I Want You to Like Me

I cringe when I think about it. Not even that long ago, I really needed people to want to be with me. I attached so much importance to people’s response to my invitations to hang out that if they didn’t get back to me or refused me, I was crushed.

I apparently have abandonment issues earned honestly from my Mom and Dad but still I find this annoying when we’re no longer talking about a five year old but a 52 year old. I put a lot of value in what people near and dear to me say and I want to spend time with them hearing it.

When I want you to like me on Shalavee.com

But when that fear creeps out and attaches to what the audience who did and didn’t show up for something I did thinks of me, I have to call “Halt”. I took two risks last year, one a public speech on anxiety and creativity and one leading a workshop and after both, I had similar experiences of abandonment and impostor syndrome shame. After the second, I sought medical help and that alleviated so much anxiety.

But I still want to understand what I am thinking that brings me to such places so fast. There’s such crazy depth to our psyches. I can not control what you think of me. I can only decided what I think of me. But if my worth depends on you, I’m screwed. And so many of us are doing this. Are you?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Accepting Who We Are

I have reached a new place here at 52 where I want to understand who I am. It occurs to me that I have judged myself by who I am not. Compared myself to bars constructed at heights I saw others reaching. And that is always a half full place to occupy. Instead I want it to be easier. I want to want to be me in the place where I am right now today. And that requires an understanding of who me is.

Science is revealing that our family’s history of trauma may be embedded in our DNA if not just our understanding of the trauma we’ve known and had passed down. We also are told that people are born homosexual, its not a choice always. There are many choices and yet more givens than I think I understood. The world is starting to ask we accept just what is.

Accepting Who we Are on Shalavee.com

Coming to a place of acceptance, compassion, and understanding of ourselves is the only true gift we can give our fellow beings. How can we hand these gifts to others if we don’t have them within ourselves first? What I am beginning to understand is the way I convey and treat myself is the way the world will treat me.

I accept that I am completely gray. I will keep dying my hair all the same.

I accept that I tell you like it is. I will always be kind about it though.

I accept that I may have anxiety embedded in my DNA too. I will continue to take this medicine that made a world of difference and broke me through to the other side for long needed perspective.

I accept that my low self-esteem has kept me small and scared for a long time but I refuse to let that be my life story.

Telling ourselves the truth and seeing ourselves for the fallible human beings we are is one step closer to accepting ourselves. And when we accept ourselves, we belong to ourselves. And everyone wants just this. To be home in their own bodies is to start from home base and go out from there to tag others with our acceptance. To spread our gifts of understanding and compassion and acceptance costs nothing and starts in the ways we treat ourselves today.

Love to you ! And you! And you!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Faith or Trust :Which Sideline are You Standing on

Faith and fear are the two motivating forces which shade our daily decisions. We always have the opportunity to choose how we perceive our reality and thus our resulting moods even when we don’t realize this. We are always deciding if we need to fear the situation or let it be OK whatever happens. We think we can control more than we do but, barring unseen tragedies and disasters, it’s only up to us to decide if our now is good or bad. If we choose to see good, we probably trust our surroundings and ourselves. If we feel fear, we don’t.

I had no real model for faith growing up. My parents we atheists and I claimed agnosticism as my chosen faith model although I was open to possibilities. Then, as I aged, I suddenly decided it was unwise to not believe in the miracles of the Universe and I opened up to the concept of a force greater than myself as a way to make sense of everything and experience awe.

Faith or trust on Shalavee.com

But I found that not only did I have Faith issues, I had trust issues too. My family hadn’t been close knit and I had a hard time creating intimate trustworthy relationships with others as well as myself. Our church’s pastor offered that faith is a three legged stool we are seated on.

One leg of the stool is our trust in ourselves. Do we believe we are reliable to take care of that which needs doing? Do we believe we are capable of doing the hard things? The moment we can’t rely on just ourselves, we turn elsewhere. I believe strongly in or need to develop trust to battle fear and anxiety, I wrote a piece titled Seven Methods to Help Develop Self-Trust.

Faith or trust on Shalavee.com

The second and third legs on our grounding stool are our community and our higher power. When one fail us, we have the others to fall back on. And I guess we trust that all of them are there for us to use.

The only way to move forward in life is to believe that the your fears are beatable and surmountable. To have the belief that life is for you and not against you. That if you were to ask for assistance or help in several ways, you would be offered it. That in the end you mean something to the world enough to tell the fear thoughts to suck it and go for the gusto that faith gives you.

I believe we are standing on one side of this line or the other. And I believe I just crossed over into Faith.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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