You know how every wise woman and her friend keeps saying, “Everything you need to know is inside of you?” And then you’re like, “You say that but I’m not feeling that”. That’s been me for the past week. Having hit a wall with my efforts not meeting a perceived pay off, I just throw my hands up and say, “Screw it, I don’t know anything”.
But what if this wall provided a place to stop and rest? What if the crisis of self-confidence is in some way necessary? So that I may be offered an opportunity to reset my perspective?
Last night, I was sitting outside in the dusk air and the fireflies were beginning to twinkle and rise like light bubbles in the tall grass under a grove of trees before me. I began to chant, “Let it be enough”. Let it be enough. I am repeating to myself, let it be enough. Let it be enough. ￼
Then I began to think, I do have all the answers. I do have all the knowledge I’ll ever need. I don’t need to gain any more knowledge. If I want to learn, all I need to do is to pour back over all my posts. My Instagram posts, my blog posts, and my boxes and boxes of journals. These can give me all the wisdom I need to know and a bit more. If I never wrote another post, there is enough for a book or two. Numerous Stories and lessons and realizations.
So why do I think I need to be looking elsewhere? Everywhere else but here in my own library of knowledge? What’s the payoff for me ignoring myself and claiming I don’t know?
Perhaps if I know, I’ll have to get on with “it”.
What are you putting off? Can you imagine yourself into the space where you have completed that thing? How proud of yourself you will be? How much of a difference what you’ve done will make in other people’s lives? Perhaps that’s where I need to imagine myself to permit myself to turn back to my own wisdom. Make it about someone else for once.
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