Been playing that same game I seem to like to do with thoughts of my time. I want to change my routine and include more writing and creative time again in my days. And then day after day, the time that I thought I’d do this slips away into the vortex of chores.
It’s not that the chores in and of themselves which are horrible. I don’t mind the forever flowing laundry or the cooking at all. It’s that I chew up my only child-free time of the day doing these things instead of doing those things that would fill my soul.
Yes, fulfillment of my duties is always locked in automatic mode. Yet, I am suspicious that I have plenty enough time to fit myself into my days. I just tell myself I haven’t. Because fear masquerades as a lot of stupid things like this.
And what we tell ourselves, we will believe.
Were you or I to sit for a half of an hour daily doing anything, in a month’s time we would have spent 15 hours doing whatever this was we intentionally did every day. In a year, that’s 180 hours. And I’ll bet you’ll be pretty good at what you’ve been doing for that half hour too. Even if you took weekends off, you’d still have spent 135 hours perfecting and amassing your creations.
Conversely, I think we completely overestimate our energy supply or the effort that it takes to do all those things we wish we were doing. We think we can put ourselves to our creative work for three hours a day, five days a week. And then, when we can only muster an hour of effort every other day, we think we’re failing.
There’s a lot of self-sabotage from both underestimating the time we have and overestimating the energy we have to make things happen with. But I guess then, the things that get completed are what’s fated to be done. It’s a personal choice to make, but you do make that choice even in your indecision.
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And here I am now ,with just me (and the dogs) in the house most of the time, getting less done creatively than I did when the house was full of kids and I was working!