I have been emerging back into my life as I fight to be needed less by others. I fight more to show up for myself where I am needed which currently involves time in my craftroom. The craftroom being an analogy for my creative life.
I believe this withdrawal into myself is the product of the trauma of suddenly having my mother’s life thrusted into my hands and my life, leading into one straight month of Mom in the garage. This sentence felt even longer because her bottomless pit of need was extended and continued for further months after her move into her own apartment.
I slowly began to feel a release from the fulfillment of the perpetual needs for that last week of January. Although I had asked if Mom could please make an effort to do more on her own, she blew me off and it took my husband Mark telling her to be more independent by February. She did listen to him and I’m glad for it.
This shift is even more apparent because suddenly the craftroom piles are now adorned with sticky noted purpose. Purposeful creativity has entered the room again.
I’ve had a pedicure and my hair done within the past week and scheduled lovely ladies lunching dates each week. Taking care of my body and bonding with friends are two tasks high on the take care of myself to do list which then refuel and renew my happiness.
Plus, the sun is out, which always indicates a person is in favor with God.
The sunshine gleams brighter inside the house because I hired April to clean my house twice a month. I have gifted myself with the time back that it takes from my week to clean it. Another gift for me? Knowing that my bathrooms are cleaned every other week without my help feels righteous.
There’s a sense here that maybe I have something to look forward to instead of to hide from.
Each week I am collecting items to take with me to our trip to Ireland. Like a map, a travel candle, new clothes, and a backpack. Building the anticipation for myself as a way of turning the tables on the recent past trauma and anxiety around that plane ticket snaffu (LINK).
This Ireland trip I’m going on with my son in March has a bigger backstory which I hope to publish on my Newsletter coming out on the Friday we land in Ireland. A prelude to the trip I’ll be sharing. Sign up in the sidebar for my Newsletters.
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