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What Do You Truly Believe About You?

In the bathroom moments ago, I was thinking about what I was going to be doing today. And what are the possibilities (endless). And suddenly I was aware of what I think of my capabilities. Am I the sort of person who can restructure her life to make more important projects happen? Like writing a book? Hold the answer because that instant is when the magic, or the damnation sentencing happens. What you believe is what happens. Mostly.

What we believe in ourselves is what we will create. I ask you, what do you believe about yourself? What do you believe you are capable of? And that immediate answer is your life. Did you hear a negative answer? An “I can’t” in that moment? I then ask, how can that be OK? How can any of us let another day go by for ourselves knowing that our limiting beliefs are OK? And that we are modeling that for our daughters.What Do You Truly Believe About You? on Shalavee.com

So what should we/you do? Anything and everything to take a look at that. To question and refute the message you are settling for that it’s OK if you believe you have no power or have a gift to give. Because that’s such crap. We all have specific and unique talents and qualities that the world needs from us. That our families and friends already value in us. And I believe that it is our most important job to allow the world to benefit from this. To find a way to struggle through to understand our purpose here and stand hard on it.What Do You Truly Believe About You? on Shalavee.com

I have always been intrigued that even though I had the lowest of self-esteem, I still somehow knew that I had enough value to continue to struggle to rise. The faith to believe in my inherent worth. Because truly, if you are a Believer or not, how is it that we are not created equally. How is it possible that we somehow know with certainty that our worth is less than any other miraculous human being. That, my dear friends, is the first refutable lie on the way to finding out what you truly can believe in yourself.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Family Self or Myself : Who Do I Know Myself to Be ?

I am on a journey to understand myself. This involves both understanding who I thought I was based on the information I gathered as a child, and who I think Myself to be thus far as an adult. And knowing that I have the power to change what I think of me ensures I stay in process and don’t get stuck in my past. But for people who are used to being told who they are, considering being anyone different may be a daunting and inconceivable project. But it’s quite necessary if you are to decide on what makes you happy because truly no one else knows that but you.

Our upbringing and childhoods play a major role in who we define ourselves to be. And as our primary personality was formed within our households and families growing up, it may put us at internal odds to choose to know ourselves otherwise. We are afraid that if we choose to be someone other than who we perceived our families to want us to be, we may be insulting and discrediting our families. But nothing could be further from the truth.My Family Self or Myself : Who Do I Know Myself to Be ? on Shalavee.com

I completely understand devotion to those whom we love. And at the same time, I can not imagine that our families wouldn’t want us to rise and feel better about ourselves. That they did the best they could is a given. And quietly acknowledging the less than positive things that happened isn’t a bad thing. It just is life.

In other words, we are not dissing our families if we say we have low self-esteem as a result of our upbringing. That our parents did the best they could was a given. But we can not see what we can not see. If they couldn’t bring their own esteem up to a healthy place because of their own upbringings than they were not aware of what they were giving or not giving us.  It was still their best. Sometimes our best is just the best we could do at the time under the circumstances

To claim your lowered self-esteem and to re-parent yourself and trust yourself doesn’t have to cost you the disrespect of your family. It is not in judgement but in compassion that we rise beyond our roots. We give tribute to our pasts and our fight. So having compassion for our upbringings and ourselves will be the permission combination to then decide who we now want to be based on what we need in our lives to make us happy. How do we trust ourselves if we are not governing ourselves by our own rules and standards? We don’t.My Family Self or Myself : Who Do I Know Myself to Be ? on Shalavee.com

At some point, who we are and what we believe we need for ourselves and our families has to be created by us. And that will then be who we are and what we pass along, as functional or dysfunctional as it may be, it was chosen and not auto-set by what we thought we should do. We always have the power to choose our way even if it’s wrong in someone else’s eyes. We only trust ourselves when we do what we know in our hearts is true to us. And trusting ourselves is tantamount to our happiness. You know this too.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Triangle of Feelings, Thoughts, and Actions

My Mother’s maiden name is Head. My Grandpa used to say, “Wherever you are, you’re a Head.” How nice it would be to know with certainty that you are always ahead. I know that at any given moment, there’s a story I’m telling myself about where I am. Although I can’t necessarily argue with my actual physical placement, I decide if I’m ahead or behind in my conceptual placement. And what I think will trigger a feeling and an action and that’s how our life’s days go.

What if I choose the “I’m behind” story more often as a way to make myself feel badly? What if my progress report is a way of always choosing to see myself on the loosing side? Or I Judge myself and say I should have been so much farther along with my career or family planning or retirement investments than I am now. That’s the Thought. The Feeling that may follow is shame. And the Action may be to go eat a chocolate cake or down a bottle of vino. There is always a three part equation to these life patterns.The Triangle of Feelings, Thoughts, and Actions on Shalavee.com

Our perceptions acting in tandem with our repetitive behaviors govern our days. And our years. If we choose to perceive the worst of our life at any given moment, we may pave the way to the same trio of Feelings , Thoughts, and Actions, thus creating a perpetual hiccup of behavior patterns we may not even realize.

The trick to correcting a perpetually misplayed series of notes in music is to start at the end and keep replaying them backwards one note at a time. If you change the sequence in your brain, you disrupt the auto play and reprogram it. So if you choose to abstain from your given action at the end of your sucky life sentencing, you may find yourself in a different place. Don’t drink so much and see what happens. I did that.The Triangle of Feelings, Thoughts, and Actions on Shalavee.com

If you can stop yourself from interpreting the facts of your life into thoughts of failure and instead decide to maybe re-frame where you are and be compassionate, you may not have the same bad feelings. How do you show yourself compassion? You say I’m sorry I treated you that way, I’m sorry I told you that sad story about yourself, and I’m sorry that I have punished you because you are a good person and don’t deserve that.

The triangle of Feelings, Thoughts, and Actions does not continue to make sense if you change one of the sides. It’s up to us to decide where the change in our perception will happen. And to learn from our hearts what the truth really is. Because self-created mental hell moments are not made of truths. And only we have the power to disrupt the pattern of perpetually recreating these.

(Check out any of my pieces on Cognitive Distortions to find out the power you truly have at your disposal.)  

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Edit Your Story and Persist with Faith Like Cinderella

The story that is our life, up to a certain point, is written and told by others. We do not choose our parents or where we are born or the social status we are born into. Nor do we have control over who keeps us alive and what they teach us as littles. Our lives are a given in many ways and at least we can be grateful for our chance to exist. But then the story becomes ours to tell. 

Cinderella was loved and wanted when she was born. But bad things can happen to nice people. And the reverse is also true. We can be born into chaos and find a way to rise from the ashes. In my own personal experience, holding tightly to the resentment of my unlucky creation and existence doesn’t serve me. It keeps me routed to where I was and not able to move forward.Endure and Persist Like Cinderella on Shalavee.com

I would also say that a little adversity creates personal character. Cinderella is interesting because she somehow holds that love she had as a child and endures the cruelty with a faith for her future. We would expect her to want revenge for the ill-doings of the step-people but instead her inner-beauty is what gives her a chance to rise. Were she to hate them, she’d just be slumming with the haters instead of rising above as she does.

There aren’t any fairy godmothers per se, but I believe we can create our own hope and magic. And it starts with the basic understanding that we are all worthy of the effort and the hope. The only way I’ve moved on from my darkness is to maintain a blind faith that I was worth the work it has taken to get here. As if I was my daughter, an odd but profound thought.Endure and Persist Like Cinderella on Shalavee.com

As parents, and as women, we are teachers by example. Knowing that what I do is so much more powerful than what I say, I rise with as much power as I can to my life and the occasions I am creating to grow. Because deep down, even with devastating self-doubt and low self-esteem I suffered from, I still believed that this life was worth working on. And it is within my power to change my perceptions and choices and shift my life in directions of empowerment instead of self-destruction.

As women, I don’t think we will make any progress shifting our power back to ourselves until we acknowledge that we are much more than our circumstances and that our worth is a given worth fighting for. The rest of the process is figuring out how we rise as individuals to add our wealth of selves to the collective. What do we each need to learn about compassion and courage to continue our journeys to become who we authentically are? That is our real goal and the path that lights us on fire to our destinies.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Habit and Anxiety Makes Us Feel The Fear is Real

Our societal addiction to anxiety is epic at this point. Number one mental disorder of the world is anxiety and it’s companion, depression. Depression is the leading cause of disability in the U.S. for people ages 15 to 45. Undiagnosed and untreated, people are on autopilot in their everyday lives perpetually bridging the gaps between their fears and the dopamine, the hormone that the brain releases that would quell it. Our “chosen” method to deal with our anxious selves is to emotionally regulate with our personal chosen “binkys” of food or phones, alcohol or dope.

But what struck me recently was the realization that what we’re afraid of may not be there anymore. Let’s be compassionate and know that we adopt our coping mechanisms honestly. Each of us anxiety prone people initially used food or alcohol or whatever chosen pacifier because there was something not good happening that we needed to self-soothe ourselves for. A fear of abandonment is a fear of death. My personal coping choice has been to over-drink wine. As a child of an alcoholic, I’ve always been concerned for myself although I never became an alcoholic.Habit and Anxiety Makes Us Feel The Fear is Real on Shalavee.com

When I began to truly want to shed my extra weight, I knew that those empty calories of wine were my “one thing”. That one thing that I’d lose the weight if I gave up. I began to look at why it was that I thought I needed to overindulge and what I saw was a habit of treating myself for the anticipated worry and stress of my life. Except, I couldn’t see how my life was truly that horrible any more. Yes maybe back in my first marriage but this life I have now ain’t too bad.

What I realized was that the assumption that I had something to be worried about was also an addiction. I was addicted to anxiety. By reverse substantiation, I was assuming something was still wrong because I kept treating myself as if there was. And then I realized that the only way to truly prove that my life now isn’t all that horrible, was to take away that very element (wine) which by its use seemed to keep proving I had something to worry about.Habit and Anxiety Makes Us Feel The Fear is Real on Shalavee.com

Addictions are two-fold. They are adopted to regulate our emotions but the unseen element is our bodies production of the hormone dopamine when it anticipates the reward is coming. People who “cut” themselves or play with their phones have the same addiction in common. They are hooked on the happy hormonal release of dopamine they get just before engaging in these acts. The same for overeating or smoking. Read this brief post on our hormones.

 

 

brain produces dopamine when you accomplish stuff on Shalavee.com

My friend and fellow blogger Heather Serody, author and creator of the blog Thrive in Midlife, wrote a very interesting series on how she overcame her over-drinking. Find the worksheets and links to her three pieces on How to Overcome Over-drinking Here. She discovered that the first part of breaking the cycle was abstinence. Allowing ourselves to cope without the crutch can be just the thing to prove to ourselves that the need for the addiction isn’t really there as much. Mind you that before or simultaneously, you may also want to have a talk with yourself about which fears are your go-to Cognitive Distortions; lies you tell yourself about how disastrous it all is and how it will always be (my preferred cognitive distortions are  catastrophic ones). There are more than a few that we offer ourselves to perpetuate our anxieties.Habit and Anxiety Makes Us Feel The Fear is Real on Shalavee.com

I also feel like our addictions become our pink elephants which also run the circus. I wrote a piece called Our addictions take on a life of their own in which I discuss how our fears have us so convinced that we will die without our addictions, we have no other options in light of this absolute but to continue feeding the fear beast and it’s dopamine addicted keeper.

A shortcut and circle has been made.

Anxiety equals feed or die and repeat.

We are intelligent beings whose quest for knowledge has placed cell phones in our hands and a couple of guys on the moon. Yet, when it comes to our own inner workings, we are not encouraged to understand ourselves. We are in fact encouraged to continue to watch Television news in horror so that we can become anxious and then go buy whatever we deem necessary to regulate our emotions. There is no profitability in self-discovery unless you’re in the self-help industry I suppose.

I abhor the concept that I’m a lemming destined to do the same exact thing everyday for the rest of my life as everyone else is doing. Call me a punk but if I really do have a choice everyday on what I do and who I am, let me be fully aware of how far that freedom extends. I don’t intend to continue to let fear control me if I can outsmart it and graduate to a better way of living.

“Fear, anxiety, and the addictions they create keep you from living, from hoping, and from moving. You are standing on the shoulder of the road of life while people are passing you who owned their choices and chose life over death or misery. You wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone so why are we living this fear loop for years? Because we don’t recognize our choice to choose hope.” From a blog post Addiction Pimps Out Your anxieties to Feed it’s Need

If any of this brings you relief to read it, you are not alone and I urge you to follow your inquisitions down whatever rabbit hole you need that you may truly understand that you are in control of your life. That the behaviours that we exhibit do not define us and we have all the power we give ourselves permission to have to fight back for the control. We can choose to return ourselves to ourselves.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

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