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To Be at Home at Home

My rather pregnant friend and I were having lunch last month, she was free of her two year-old and me of my five year-old, and the freedom of having lunch together outside of our houses made us giddy. And I said that sometimes I feel like I’m a different person outside my home. And she agreed she felt that way too.

It’s as if I am a prisoner of my house and all that’s wrong with it. The problems that are my problems to solve get topped by chores and meals and there’s no longer any room for me to breathe. Perhaps I drown in my own expectations of what it means to be a good homekeeper.To Be at Home at Home on Shalavee.com

And then when I escape, I’m no longer that person and possibilities of other ways to exist open up. The same walls containing the same lies fade away and I can make up new and better stories. And I wonder every time, how do I steal this feeling and bring it back home and redecorate with it? This sense of endlessness living. Of possibilities and promises?To Be at Home at Home on Shalavee.com

It is always in the way that we look at it that shades the daily feelings. I just find it interesting that both me and my friend experienced this same feeling of house arrest. I love my children and my house in many ways, I just wonder what perceptions I need to tweak to feel free and unfettered in my home again accepting that a little vacation is always necessary for a fresh perspective. To be at home in my own home, in my own skin would be a truly splendid gift. As I said in this post, The home I truly seek is within me.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Subtleties of Shifts

(Originally published in December of last year, this post still makes more sense than not. Shift is perpetual and always in need of being actually seen.)

Life’s best asset and worst downfall is that it takes its sweet time. That it is relentless in its expansive pardoning of our mistakes. Every day is a new day to start over seems like too much wiggle room for screw ups. But it also means that the daily monotony can lead to imperceptible shifts. Stuff that would pass you by unless you were wise enough to go looking for it. Or someone else pointed it out to you.

Developing your mindfulness is a way of gaining another eye on your life and yourself. Being able to hold on for a beat more and instead of launching into reaction, to take a look at yourself and what you are about to do and perhaps choose something else. This is shift.

And then there’s just the blindness we end up with when we’ve got our eye so hard on a prize that we truly want but don’t believe we will ever have. And we totally disregard all the progress that we have made because winning means a goal met and not the stuff in between. All or nothing thinking plagues me still.The Subtleties of Shifts on Shalavee.com

Of recent, my computer had a behavior problem after its operating system got updated. And for a week now, I just assumed it ate my sticky notes, the little pretend post it notes on my desktop that hold some of the profound thoughts and understandings I have come across of recent. And now that they’ve been suddenly returned to my computer, I clearly see a shift that happened for me in the past six months.

And that shift was about valuing myself.

Here’s most of the quotes on my sticky notes.

I love and accept myself

I respect and honor myself

I can achieve anything I desire

I believe in myself

I deserve to be loved and respected by those around me

 

Even knowing that

you have the power

to change things

changes things. -Me-

The Subtleties of Shifts on Shalavee.com

 

Your task is not to seek for love,

but merely to seek and find

all the barriers within yourself

that you have built against it.

~ Rumi

You will be your own destiny and your own reason why.” -Me-

 

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” ~ Brian Andreas

Fear is the cheapest room in the house. I would like to see you living in better conditions.” — Hafez–

I am struck by this shift in the value of myself. Was this what I was working on for all this time? Yes. Did I recognize how much I had begun to truly own that shift? No. The daily doing and expectations that we all subject ourselves to can truly bury the important stuff. If we aren’t giving ourselves the credit for the work we’re doing, it’ll feel like we’re standing still. If we keep raising the bar, we never see how much we’ve risen to meet it.

The Subtleties of Shifts on Shalavee.com

We are all moving, maybe at a slug’s pace, but moving all the same if we are doing the work we need to do to make this happen. The change in perceptions and the feelings we experience will take as long as they take to deliver us there. But in the end, we will arrive and, if our eyes are open, we’ll see we have endured the most amazing slow ride to get there.

Want to read more about Shifts?

Craving the Shift

The Shift : My Decision to Not Be Sucky

Awaiting the Shift from If to When

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Instead of Dread

We’ve had an unusually busy August and I have one last day to get through in a week-long run of big scary events. And I have been very conscious of fending off the dread.

This final busy week included the last three band practices for my son’s band for the performance on the weekend, a fair that happens in my front yard, an out-of-town visitor, a public dance performance for Fiona, and preparation for a speech and art piece display for me. All great events yet there’s the wariness and dread of what you have to do likes to knock on the door and check to see if it can come in and stay a while. I tried to not answer the door.Instead of dread on Shalavee.com

I focused instead on the positive outcomes of all the events. I savored the gratitude I felt from having community show up for Eamon’s band and for my speech at church. I thought about what message we were giving to ourselves and to others when we showed up to do these things. That we are good enough and our talents valuable to share. Our vulnerabilities pinned to our sleeves as we performed our creative tasks.

And I focused on being with my family and taking it all one step at a time. Being here for one another. I focused on the examples we were setting. On appreciating our team and the opportunities we are making for ourselves. And all of that kept me not focusing on the dread and anxiety of the performance.Instead of dread on Shalavee.com

Today is the last dreadful day. I have a minor medical procedure that requires me to be put under for a few needles in my backside. But this is me just keeping my nose down and keeping on because all of it takes me to a better place in the end. A place where there’s less dread of pain and more pride. So I am feeling gratitude even in light of having to starve myself before the procedure. And I’m watching how this all unfolds and keeping my eyes open for the next direction to head in. And the celebration I plan to have for these jobs well done!

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

How Instagram Helped Cure Me of Anxiety

I love to connect with like-minded creative women on Instagram. This format of Social media (also known as a platform) became my preferred online social interaction as I was trying to build an audience for my blog. I very hesitantly joined communities and challenges and slowly started to poke my head out of my fear shell. And I credit Instagram and creativity for curing me of my anxieties.

I’d never experienced community and was completely unsure of what it meant and how I was supposed to do it. I just knew that being witnessed by these wonder women from inside their hearts was the greatest gift ever. I watched and I listened as they showed me what vulnerability looked like and what it gives you. And my intuition told me that, despite what everyone said about social media, there was something really good going on here.How Instagram Helped Cure Me of Anxiety on Shalavee.com

We humans want to be accepted by our tribe as who we truly are. It is our deepest desire to have our authentic selves seen. At the same time, we are afraid of rejection and judgment as this could mean ostracization and either physical death or shame and the death of our spirit. This is primal fear stuff that we aren’t truly aware of but have discerned from the teachings of our pack and our world.

So here we are, the loveliest ladies on Instagram and we’re feeling the swellness of being witnessed and the rawness of risking being judged. We have two choices at all times. We can either choose to fit-in, twist ourselves into the likeness of those around us as to guarantee we will be accepted. Or we can choose to be vulnerable and authentic and watch as people love us for who we are. Because this is our hearts desire and this requires faith and letting go.How Instagram Helped Cure Me of Anxiety on Shalavee.com

I know that when I act inauthentically and try to make people like me, I lose trust in them and myself. I know they aren’t really liking me but a false image I am manipulating. And I don’t trust myself even for thinking so little of me that I am unworthy of being seen. It’s a sticky wicked if ever there was one. And the only cure for this fear quagmire is to just be authentically you.

I heard a woman ask today if her lack of confidence and boldness in posting truths about herself on Instagram recently was about her expectations of what it would bring or fear of being judged. And I replied that we all had that feeling at some point. But there will be that one moment when we post something raw and real about ourselves and that one stranger responds, “Thank You” because they felt inspired and courageous to be authentic as well. And that is the faith that keeps me being vulnerable and witnessing everyone online. It is the blessing, the superpower, that we can give on each other and it’s totally completely free.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Choose to Not Choose is Still a Choice

She rather vehemently insisted that there are no choices. Thank you very little, she understands the concept of “everything is a choice”, just not for her. She’s resigned to that comfortable hell of nothing changes because perhaps it is too overwhelming to consider those other choices. To allow for change would be to admit that had always been a choice perhaps? The march of the musts is way more familiar. And maybe familiar trumps joy? At some cellular level, joy is just another hell. It is painfully unfamiliar. Why want something that we’d have to take on faith that it even exists?Choose to Not Choose is Still a Choice on Shalavee.com

This is why dear friend. Because every inner child longs for joy, knows they are entitled by birthright to it, and believes that it is all it’s cracked up to be. And there isn’t any child that is more unworthy of joy than another. No baby ever sinned to deserve a life of self-abandonment and torment.

So the choice is yours to not choose. But when you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.And if what you’re doing isn’t working, try something else less painful. Your child inside is waiting for you to change your mind.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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