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The Soul Buffer Zone

I’ve been thinking a lot recently about what it would be like to have a “soul buffer zone”. Having been raised codependent and since having children, my boundaries are a little wiggly. And the thought of having space around me that I keep myself safe within is really appealing to me. In fact it’s downright necessary if I’m ever going to make my life the zen experience I long for.The Soul Buffer Zone on Shalavee.com

The idea is that there’s a mental space between you and the outer world. And you intentionally maintain that by not letting people make demands on you, by not applying what is going on in the outside world to you, and by taking care of yourself so you feel kept safe by you. People’s comments or ideas are outside of you and you decide if you want to let them in. How about writing them down for consideration later even.

We are so besieged by information and demands from our internal and external worlds that we’re exhausted. When my daughter got sick simultaneously coinciding with a snowstorm, I definitely suffered from some post traumatic stress. I couldn’t escape. And what if we do that to ourselves regularly by not allowing for things to bounce off of us. Eventually, we are exhausted by osmosis.The Soul Buffer Zone on Shalavee.com

So I am going to be extra mindful this year about padding myself, creating things to look forward to, talking with my soul sisters face to face, and granting myself permission for time off. Demanding the same from my family. I think they could use to miss me and my efforts and become a little more appreciative. I’m creating a soul buffer zone because my happiness is worth it and other people’s happiness is based on it.

(Pictures in memory of Pama’s shop Moonvine which shut down this past February).

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Craving the Shift

Oh how I crave the shift. I want to see my world as all possibilities, untangled with preconceived can’ts. I want to see my children as cherubs and my career as chosen, doable, and successful. To come home to my body and my house and see them for the fabulousness they contain. And each day passes by me as I await the shift.

From the wickedly talented recently deceased (ovarian cancer at my age) memoirist and author Amy Krause Rosenthal via her book Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life,

“RETURNING TO LIFE AFTER BEING DEAD

When I am feeling dreary, annoyed, and generally unimpressed by life, I imagine what it would be like to come back to this world for just a day after having been dead. I imagine how sentimental I would feel about the very things I once found stupid, hateful, or mundane. Oh, there’s a light switch! I haven’t seen a light switch in so long! I didn’t realize how much I missed light switches! Oh! Oh! And look — the stairs up to our front porch are still completely cracked! Hello cracks! Let me get a good look at you. And there’s my neighbor, standing there, fantastically alive, just the same, still punctuating her sentences with “you know what I’m saying?”. Why did that bother me? It’s so… endearing.”Craving the shift on Shalavee.com

The shift is when you see the ordinary as not so much. Your perspective is skewed enough for you to appreciate the mundane, even if momentarily. And it can allow you to understand yourself and your role in the world a little more. Certainly death causes shift as does vacations. How do we go about causing a perspective change without nearly dying or paying to stay somewhere else? Have you had any perspective shifts? What did they look like?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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The Longing For Belonging

In response to my piece Know Ledge, about knowing what we need to know at all times, my friend asked, “Why do we feel so alone?” . And I knew exactly what she meant. I spent so very many years feeling grief over the loneliness I felt in my bones. And this is what I said to my friend, “That is the longing for belonging”. Deeper down, we truly wish to belong to ourselves. The Longing for Belonging on Shalavee.com

There is an immense difference between fitting in and belonging. I discovered this concept in Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly and it made such sense out of so many painful life moments for me. When we try to fit in, we are being untrue to ourselves. We are trying to coerce others to like us for who we think they want us to be. And in the process, we can’t trust them for liking us because we aren’t being authentic. It’s stressful and fear based.

When we create a sense of belonging, we join with people who accept us for who we truly are. We show them ourselves, what makes us us, and they like/love us for what we are. There’s an element of risk here in that, when we show our underbellies, we can get rejected or kicked for who we are. We risk being cast out of the tribal circle. But the truth we don’t see is that, there’s a better circle for us somewhere out there where they will never cast us out no matter what because we are worthy and belong there. We just have to take the time to accept ourselves to them find the people who reflect this.The Longing for Belonging on Shalavee.com

And so at the very base of belonging is the absolute necessity to accept ourselves as we are. We are fallible and human and there is beauty and ugly all wrapped up in the same skin just like everyone else. We are not trustworthy if we do not at least claim most of what we are. It is a dance but once we risk putting our truer face on and claim what we are, the belonging just happen. We magnetically attract like people to us. And we see that we belong in our own skin and accept ourselves for who we are.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Anxieties and Allergies : You Probably Have Them Too

There are two things I’m certain the majority of the population is afflicted with and yet are in complete denial about. Anxieties and allergies. (Well there’s one more but I’m saving that for next week.} These two had me down and out both mentally and physically for many years with no help to ease the symptoms because I completely ignored them. You can’t get help for something your either sure you don’t have or haven’t been diagnosed with.Anxieties and allerg have them too on Shalavee.comies you probably

In the case of my allergies, it took chronic sinus infections and me on my knees praying to higher powers to go see the specialist that would eventually lead me to the cure. But I had to admit that I was powerless against what my body was doing unless my mind comprehended it. Same for all the other mysterious aches and ailments that over the past five years, I’ve had looked at and had treated. I am currently receiving shots once a month in both arms with a serum developed specifically for me to decrease my allergies to things like mold and maple trees.  I continue to do the most I can to treat this very common problem.

Like allergies, the prevalence of anxieties is no surprise. It’s the number one mental health affliction. It just probably isn’t something you or your loved ones are dealing with or have any problems with, thank you very much. Never ever. Back when I was diagnosed with low self-esteem, the thought of myself as “less than” made me think I’d die. We do not want to embrace our “weaknesses” because that would leave us open to attack, ridicule, and ostracization right? Weakness of this sort belongs to other people, not us ! Better to just say “I’m fine, we’re fine, he’s fine, and they’re fine”, than own the feelings that we are certain are bound to find us out in the cold fending for ourselves outside the camp compound walls.Anxieties and allerg have them too on Shalavee.comies you probably

Except, if we have anxieties, and a majority of the population truly does, then our admission of what we are experiencing might help someone else too. And that’s the healing power of being real and of ownership for ourselves. We don’t owe anyone as much as ourselves the opportunity to heal and move on from where we are stuck through our honesty. Once I really started to work on my anxieties through cognitive therapy, I heard from many people having a similar struggle. I found a method that worked really well for me yet I had to first claim it as mine to then choose ways to deal with it. Is there anything that you may want to claim and get help for today?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Opinions, Entitlement, and the Value of Your Voice

Opinions are like noses, we all have them. But are we entitled and allowed to have them? If I find it hard to find a voice to express them, I may not feel I’m allowed to have an opinion in the first place.

As a woman, it can prove tough not to judge myself for what I have to say as necessary or valid as I’m considering actually saying it. Then I may choose to keep quiet. I have my own internal bouncer at the thought door checking the validity, wittiness, or profundity of my outgoing thoughts and opinions. And often, they’re just not making the cut as I am weighing them against unseen sources that must be way more clever and insightful than me.Opinions, Entitlement, and the Value of Your Voice on Shalavee.com

I’d like to stop doing that. I’ve spoken about how men don’t do that. But I have no experience valuing my voice. In my life, I removed the need for the approval I would get doing for others. Now I find myself dumbly staring at my life thinking, “What do I do this or that for then?”. Oh right. It’s for myself, my happiness, and my approval. Duh.Reprogramming the people pleasing is tough going.Opinions, Entitlement, and the Value of Your Voice on Shalavee.com

Perhaps it’s slightly a matter of faking this until I begin to reap the benefits. Saying and doing what I know is right anyway even if it won’t be met with a round of applause or approval. But maybe because I need to Hear myself saying it. Hear myself having an opinion, saying what I think, and ideally modelling what it is like to not be a doormat for my daughter. Because I want her to be entitled to her opinion and she will do what I do, not what I say. Mindfulness is the only way on and out my friends.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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