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They Do As They See

We all mean well as parents. Well most of us. We mess up trying to overcompensate for the advantages we didn’t have as children. We spoil them and we coddle them when all they really need is our undivided attention and our faith in them. But the one thing many of us seem to overlook is that how we treat ourselves shows them how to treat themselves. And that is only a good story if we are good to ourselves.

There is a woman at the exercise gym I belong to who teaches several fitness classes. And her hyper self-loathing comes out when she talks about her body. And we all disagree with her but she judges herself so harshly. And she has a daughter and two sons.They Do As They See on Shalavee.com

I have busted myself for self-bullying within the past year so I am very empathetic to this pattern of behavior. Both societal messages of women’s worth and our inherited ancestral low self-esteem have conspired against us to create these running dialogues. Damaging enough until we consider that, unchecked, we will pass these hateful messages on to our daughters. Because they do what they see, not what we tell them to do. They respond to the mirrors we have of ourselves as much if not more than the mirrors of love and worth we think we’re doing so well to reflect to them.They Do As They See on Shalavee.com

The opposite of hate is love. The opposite of judgment is compassion. If we can even be aware of what we are doing to ourselves and talk with our daughters about their amazing value as thinkers and kind and creative souls then we could change the tide of self-bullying. To show our children, boys and girls, what it means to be human and compassionate and honest is truly the kind of parenting we want to be doing instead.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Fear’s Worst Casualty is Hope

Today was a breakthrough day for me. A gorgeous June day with a breeze that lifted your spirit upwards. So I went out to the backyard and I gardened. Not a big deal to anyone else but a huge deal to me. I haven’t allowed myself to garden in a long time. And this decision has just left me feeling hopeless. For years.Fear's Worst Casualty on Shalavee.com

The cause has been so many things, but mostly, I gave up. Fear of not doing it well enough or not having the talent, time, money, or whatever other lie fear will tell you and “see ya’ later” soul gratifying thing. I then slipped into a hopelessness cloud for which I have found no escape. That is until today when I walked outside and began again.

By far the cruelest thing our fear brain does to us while it’s trying to keep us safe, is to rob us of hope. Hope is the breeze on which we fly to the future. But our fear brains think that to keep us safe from harm, they must keep us away from anything that may change us or our lives. Change is bad and hope insinuates change. So therefore, hope is out.

To rob a person of their hope is to give them a living walking death sentence. Without hope, you are just a zombie going through the motions. This is the cruelest of sentences to pass on someone especially yourself and yet, many are the years when I have felt the hopelessness spread over months without a reprieve.Fear's Worst Casualty on Shalavee.com

And yet, the smallest spark can be made from a word or a comment or a thought that you “could”. And then the dimmest light of hope is lit inside for an outcome that is different. A craving for a change and the way that might impact your life in even the smallest way. A hope for unity and purpose. A hope for quieting the chaos and for connection and calm.

And it all starts with pulling a few weeds and moving a few worms.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Let Joy and Glee Rule

You can start over at anytime. I say this and I believe it yet there are layers to every awakening and restarting. And today I’ve, discovered another layer.

In order to move onward, I am in a perpetual state of revisiting and re-asking myself the same questions. What makes me happiest? Where is my joy and my glee? What makes me think that life isn’t supposed to have joy and glee ruling my decisions?Joy and glee on Shalavee.com

When we ask our inner selves questions like these instead of bullying ourselves by telling ourselves what we think we should do, we open up to a different place and process. When we neutralize the judgments we may keep heaping on ourselves and take a moment to ask if they are true, we may discover our truer selves. What am I fighting and frightened of by issuing these shoulds?

And then, do what you feel is counter intuitive and forgive yourself for being mean and start over with compassionate queries of what will bring bliss. Help yourself to the permission to choose again what is for you. What you could become and wait for the whispers of gratitude from your soul.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

All the Things

She said she was going to get “ All the Things” done while she was kid free. And I knew exactly what she meant. And now I realize why it felt so familiar. Both with my to do lists and in my creative endeavors, I fear “All the Things” are beyond what anyone needs to try to do. And I am overwhelmed and in a constant state of lack for pursuing this lie of accomplishment happiness.

Seems this is very much a Creative’s curse. We are excited by all the possibilities and want to see how each thing will add to our lives. All the thoughts, ideas, tidbits, inspirations, projects, collaborations, and goals are truly awesome by themselves. But grouped together, they suddenly become a swirling stormy pool of chaos that I find so easily sucks me in and pulls me under. And if the word “Should” is attached to them, they are double doomed.All the Things on Shalavee.com

Everything has merit until it all becomes too much. Then none of it matters. Because you wouldn’t know where to start. This state of affairs has possessed my mail program, my desktop, my craft room, my attic, and my garden. And I am beginning to get the sneaky suspicion that I have unconsciously masterminded it all this way to keep myself from actually making progress.

Why, you ask, wouldn’t I want to be making progress? Because progress may mean more visibility than I am comfortable with. More work, more responsibility, and more more more. So I am just making sure I have less by having more? Yup, it’s a system that didn’t work for my creative predecessors and fellow creatives, and definitely isn’t working for me.All the Things on Shalavee.com

So what do I do? Begin again to clear out the clutter and the cobwebs mentally and physically so that I can feel the ease of creating without the confusion. I believe that new ideas will always find you. That inspiration is right behind you. And that we have limitless amounts of talent to deliver up our unique vision to the world.

Every day is a good day to start over again. Let’s begin again. Read my earlier post on my Empty Box Method to get an idea on how to move and sort through your chaos.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Empty Box Method

When I had to shut my business down (See the post about Bally Eden) and bring the contents of my shop home, all my stuff ended up in boxes piled to the ceiling of the garage. I advertised a yard sale and set to work sorting through my stuff. And what I realized yet again, was that your plan needs an empty box or space to sort into. When you have one foot nailed to the ground, it’s an sign that you may need to open up a new space to sort and move you and your thoughts into. So I cleared a corner and placed empty boxes there and began.

I am moving into a different space of possibilities. Like an empty box I put there in my brain so that I could move my thoughts on and sort them into. The shift was from impossibility to probability. And the room opened up. There’s more room to work with. There’s comfortable spots to have a seat with myself and intuit my next step.My Empty Box Method on Shalavee.com

When I have an auto-fearful thought, I challenge its validity, I write it out in my journal, I call a friend, and I engage in compassion and creativity hard to not let that thought become the thought/feeling/action triangle that shuts me down.

When I see that I am drowning in too many possibilities and too many options, I am taking time to sort through and put aside what I can’t do now. And question what I think I should do as opposed to what I want to do. And I’m packing this stuff away in boxes. Because sometimes just letting something sit for a while and returning to it later can provide enough perspective to know exactly what to do with it.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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