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Focus is My New Word of the Year for 2019

Last year, I chose the word Trust as my word of the year for 2018. I wanted to trust the world, my process, and myself. But I’ve found that just because I want something to be a certain way doesn’t mean that I am inspired by telling myself it has to be that way. In fact, I’ve found that it can work quite the opposite way for me. If you tell me to do it, I’m not necessarily going to do it. Our inner punks are like that.

So the well meant word of the year didn’t inspire me to trust myself anymore. I think I just didn’t know how to weave it’s lesson into my world well enough yet. At one point I flat out forgot what the word was even after I had used it to prompt my ICAD art. Again, fear can make you forgetful when it wants to keep you safe.Focus if my word of the year for 2019 on Shalavee.com

So I took a walk this morning, just as I had on the day I chose Trust, and had a dialogue with myself about what I might want my word to be for the upcoming year. And after much debate and many bantered about words including Permit and Create, I decided on Focus.

I absolutely know that when I focus, stuff happens. It seems the operative word for Proactivity. I am capable of doing great things. I have come to understand that once I allow myself to focus, these great things happen. The reason they don’t happen is not a lack of ability on my part but a fear based lack of focus that makes it look like I can’t. Aha!

Focus looks like designated time for my tasks, scheduling even small stuff so that I feel the momentum and the certainty that “I can”. Focus looks like sitting down with a task and working through the fear-storm. Focus looks like ridding myself of all obligations and distractions to hedge my bets for success.Focus if my word of the year for 2019 on Shalavee.com

And of course, focus rhymes with hocus and pocus and I kinda like that concept especially at this time of the year. Perhaps there’s a little magic in the word focus after all.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Waiting for the Grump to Leave so I Could Live

This past weekend, we had an impromptu birthday potluck supper at my house. I spent Saturday afternoon exchanging my living room with my dining room and did all the rearranging my heart desired. But it took a good couple of hours for the cleaning and decorating therapy to kick in and cure me of a sour mood I seemed to be in. I wasn’t dreading my birthday, in fact I was looking very forward to all the festivities.Waiting for the Grump to Leave so I Could Live on Shalavee.com

I realized the next day that my inner people had held their breath until the grumpy bitch finally packed up her things and left. Our inner children only want to play and be happy. They could care less if the couches were cat hair free or the chair wobbled, they just wanted to be with friends. Our inner adults have way too many stipulations sometimes about how things have to be perfectly done.

Sometimes we steel ourselves against joy. We think that we’ll save ourselves heartbreak by not creating situations to look forward to and thus be devastated by disappointment. But you must play the odds to win. If you don’t put enough umph into shooting all the way to the hole, you’ll miss the birdy my husband says.Waiting for the Grump to Leave so I Could Live on Shalavee.com

So here’s to getting out of your own way and allowing for gleeful opportunities to arise. To putting your best effort into your life and home that you be proud of yourself when people do visit. And to keeping the door open for joy, always joy.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

On Gratitude : Part Two

I was talking on the phone with my husband. He said, “Did you call the gas company?” at the exact same time the gas company truck was driving by my window at 40 miles per hour. I laughed, told him what had just happened, and wondered out loud how often the Universe is trying to let you know stuff that you just aren’t paying attention enough to understand.

Gratitude isn’t just for the now,

it’s for all the stuff that didn’t but could have happened.

I can tell you I’m profoundly grateful for the support I received from my community when the chips were down a couple of weeks ago and my blog blew up. For Danielle fixing my site when it got eaten by a Viagra ad. For my friends showing up to celebrate my birthday. For all the birthday wishes I received from all the people online and off! And for my children for being sweet and healthy and creative.

But I’m also grateful for just being here. For not having been taken out of this beautiful world by any of the people I made bad choices with or by the drugs I took. Grateful I am healing from my traumatic childhood and am lucky enough to have a therapist who gets me. For the food in my fridge all of which I didn’t grow or pay for. And for the ability to post words I want to say unedited out into the inter-webs.

Thank you life.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Understanding Mindfulness as Doing vs. Being

Since my therapist had asked me to make two separate lists to discriminate what I “was” from what I “did”, I searched the internet for related articles on Being vs. Doing. And what I found was a truly enlightening article on Mindful.org by Zindel Segal titled “The Difference Between “Being” and “Doing”. This concept shifted my understanding of what I have already been working on in my mindfulness practices. This blog post is my summary of what I read and understood.

We have two different mind modes; being and doing. Each has its own value in our lives but some of us may get a little overzealous applying doing to too many things and forget all about the “being”. If we value ourselves only for what we do, we are imprisoned in a never-ending cycle of unhappiness. This explains a lot of my life dissatisfaction and how it’s nice to sometimes just have a seat.Understanding Mindfulness as Doing vs. Being on Shalavee.com

Doing Mode

Doing is a mode where we get things done. It is a very good mode when we use it to improve our ways of progressing and innovating. We compare where we are with where we want to be and then adjust according to the mismatch to “reduce discrepancies”. Then we adjust and then evaluate over and over and hopefully our process improves.

There are problematic applications of doing mode, however, when we become slightly obsessive with out lists and compulsion to do, it is called “driven-doing”. When this mode is then applied to “fixing” emotions, we are sucked into a vacuum of never-ending doing. The more we fail to achieve the emotional state we want to be in, the worse we feel. Doing isn’t going to help us here. This kind of “driven doing” conjures up words like “have to”, “Must”, “ought”, “should”, and “need to”. No immediate action can be applied to reduce the discrepancies and so it feels bad. I suspect how we feel about our bodies may fall here and unrequited love too.

In Doing mode, we evaluate good feelings and bad feelings and give them too much power over us instead of us over them. It seems to cement them into our lives and we forget we choose to feel them not they us.Understanding Mindfulness as Doing vs. Being on Shalavee.com

Being Mode

Where “Doing mode” is goal oriented and one-dimensional, alternatively, “being mode” is about experiencing where you are detached from goals. Doing mode has us thinking about the past, present, and future where being mode has us only experiencing the now. The being mode is direct, immediate, and intimate. It is the present of being in the present.

The being mode allows moods and emotions and circumstances to remain fluid and we are not condemned to a future full of anything. Everything doesn’t have to mean anything but could also mean what you wanted depending on how you view it later. Thoughts and feelings need nothing more than to be passed through and let go of. There’s nothing to “do” with them.

Allowing” is this state of being and there is no need to reduce discrepancies to meet a goal. Approaching any activity in “Being Mode” can reduce the anxiety of the outcome. When I’m doing the dishes, I’m not resenting that I have to do them. I’m simply doing them until they’re done and moving on. This mode allows my day to move much more smoothly and I can concentrate my energies on what I believe to be more important instead of reacting adversely to everything and being exhausted at the end of the day. I believe we only have so much energy in a day to spend and we should spend it wisely.

Am interested to hear how others have experienced this shift as I have within their lives. Wonder if it’s partly getting older and having to slow down to take pictures of and smell the flowers.

Interested in the un-abbreviated version, read it here.

https://www.mindful.org/difference-between-being-and-doing/

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Loving Those Fears Right Out of My Head

Self-development is a very exciting yet solitary process. It comes in spurts, things catch my brain and I instinctively know I need to follow the breadcrumbs to find the answer to “how will this help me to understand myself better”. That is my process and this week I heard a story about self-love and boundaries calling me in.

I have often felt a rawness when in relation to others. And that would be due to my lack of knowing where they stop and I begin. In a recent Instagram post, Elizabeth Gilbert talks about how she’s noticed many people live angry all the time because of their lack of boundaries and feeling encroached on. But, she says, “Not everybody gets to have full access to you.” There’s a different distance for everyone in your life. People who earned more trust get more access. In other words, not everything anyone says to you has to mean anything or affect you.

She says, “When they are held at the correct distance from you, you will stop hating them. Until then, you are just using that person as a weapon to beat yourself up. Put an end to it.”

Loving those fears right out of my head on Shalavee.com

Problems always truly come down to fear. I say that anyone who’s acting like a jackass, including myself, is probably feeling some fear at that time. I find it hard to put my work out in the world because I am afraid of judgment. My inability to stand proud in my talents and products screams fear blockage. In a recent newsletter,

Australian entrepreneur and Female Rights activist Samantha Nolan-Smith said,”When you clear that fear, you can literally be unstoppable. Other people’s judgments just roll off you because you feel complete and whole in yourself. When you’ve already accepted yourself exactly as you are, their judgment is… just a useful piece of information about that person, but tells you nothing about yourself and doesn’t wound you in any way. I’m calling it visibility liberation.”

There are methods of clearing the fears and they take concerted work. First priority is to admit that you have fears and they are keeping you shackled to where you are. There’s no need to feel ashamed of them or to judge them. In fact, the only way to begin to navigate away from our fears is to be compassionate about why they are there. What sad tales do they derive from that we can forgive ourselves for? It is in the application of empathy and humanity that we’ll no longer be under the grips of these fears that have held us hostage for so long.

In her book A Heart of Gold: Lessons on the Path to Loving Kindness, Jane Reeves says “Compassion is what happens before Self-Love…Compassion is how we begin to untether all the tangled parts…Compassion is how we train for self-love.”

Loving those fears right out of my head on Shalavee.com

So how do I incorporate more self-compassion into my days? What practice can I adopt and embrace to begin this valuable fear relinquishing process? I suspect at least meditation could be truly helpful. This is where I am because I refuse to let my self-esteem languish in the “not enough” zone. That is an insult to everyone who loves me and all the efforts I’ve ever made.

I want to relinquish these shackles and risk and write things that will be of benefit to the world. I want to feel excited as I deliver every new idea in a way that serves me and those I care for. I want to get the heck out of my way. And I know the only way to do this is to work on loving those fears right out of my head.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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