I needed to write these words to a friend on Instagram today. I needed to hear myself say them. I started with a quote that keeps returning to my brain.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” –Anais Nin–

Reflection on Shalavee.com

This is where I’ve felt I’ve been for a long time. Gaining momentum and brilliance and then putting it into check. Questioning why, refusing to answer myself or focus or aspire. All in response to the perfectly respectable “But” kind of reasons. I’m tired of the paralysis. Because when I decide, I’m gone Daddy gone. But while I’m idling here, all I see is the work others are making happen. The knowing equals the going.”

I’m in a mood to move and to mull. Today on one of two Instagram picture challenges I’m involved in, I was prompted by the word Reflect. I’ve done this my whole life but specifically this past week I’m narrowing in on my Why. Considering and writing out why I need to become more professional at some of what I do. This is what I wrote, “Today I thought a lot about what I’m here to do. I’ve pondered purpose, querying my Why, recognizing that I can no longer stay where I am in this weird stasis of not claiming me. This art challenge, and a webinar on email list strategies I watched yesterday, are showing me some truths I can’t deny. Fortune favors the Bold …with talent and a plan. I finally feel I’ve proven I’m a talented WRITER, I’m reminding myself I’m an ARTIST, and I’d like to be inspiring more people than I am. So soon, I will ask for your support. So I can continue my hard work and with reinvigorated redirected purpose. Love to each one of you !!! “

Reflection on Shalavee.com

The other challenge is the collage a day one and has me proving once and for all that I can stand there and pull art out of my butt. I am a creative who needs to create daily. And although I do that with many other mediums every day, real arting mediums are very satisfying.

Feeling very proactive yesterday, that workshop on increasing my email list I listened to taxed the other side of the brain. After taking copious notes, I realized it really isn’t that hard to increase my subscribers. The difficulty and what’s holding me back has been in figuring out why I would want to ask people to subscribe. That I have to claim my worth to ask for people to like it. To like me. Or to reject me.

Reflection on Shalavee.com

And then I am given an answer for my why by this quote offered to me by a random but wise and lovely reader in a comment to my post on Instagram. The quote is by Marianne Williamson. I have read it before but today it means more.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. It’s not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” —Marianne Williamson—

That finding our purpose, our dharma, our nature, and meaning for existence will bring us such peace and contentment, is one of those life lessons and goals that they don’t teach us in school.  Yet scrutinizing our reflection in our future is the one thing that can make the difference between wandering around unhappily asking people to tell you who you are and making room for yourself in places that make you mostly happy. I’m all for working hard but getting pointed in the right direction helps. Thank you friends and Universe. I’ll try to be more patient and nice to myself.

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