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What if You Did it All Right But You Were Looking at it All Wrong

It’s not as if I don’t try. As Sara Bareilles sings in her song Armor, “You make me try, try, try, try … it’s all I ever do.” But what if the efforts you make are good, it’s just your expectations of what you can humanly accomplish are off ? What if you’re so used to never getting it right and never doing enough that you can’t see how much you’ve accomplished. You can’t see the forest for all the trees.

You know I’m talking about myself. When am I not?

I have been told many times by many wonderful people that they are amazed at how much I seem to accomplish. I have admittedly called myself the Energizer Bunny and written here that my coping mechanism is Industrious Over-focused. But what I wasn’t understanding was why their view of my accomplishments wasn’t the same theirs.

What would I give up if I acknowledged all that I do? The concept that I’m failing at life? The constant definition of me as a failure? Jeeze Louise! How is it possible to be so attached to the negative self-definition of not enough that you keep creating ways to prove it?What if You Did it All Right But You Were Looking at it All Wrong ? on Shalavee.com

Smaller goals and smaller celebrations for smaller progress. This is the way I see myself truly making progress that I can acknowledge. Because if all I have is today to live, than the acceptable celebrate-able enoughness of my efforts needs to happen today. Not “next time”. Not “when I have more time”. I need to work in a way that I can appreciate my efforts and feel proud of them in small ways.

I will continue to work hard. But instead of always dangling the carrot so that I can never reach it, perhaps I need to change it to a rutabaga. Or place it in my hand to begin with and then move on to the work. I don’t need to change my systems as much as my vision. It’s all in the way we look at it.

Change nothing and nothing changes.

Wisdom gained is only as wise as it is applied.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

A Published Essay on Lessons in the Time of Lockdown

Sometimes I need to gift myself opportunities to expand creatively. Whether it’s my 100 Day project or decorating a special event, I do well with having a deadline. And even though I’ve mostly kept myself accountable to writing three times a week for my blog ( a little understandable slacking during our lockdown), it’s been a while since I had an opportunity to write with this sort of impetus.  Julia Barnickle’s Lesson’s during Lockdown collaboration provided a perfect opportunity to write something bigger and better.

Julia had already hosted something about finding more Ease in our daily lives in January. And when, in her invitation to join, she spoke of her own experience writing for others’ community projects as a good way to feel a part of community, I got this. Absolutely. She wrote:

In July 2020, there will be a second free online community project “Lessons from Lockdown” which will result in another ebook / book, containing essays / quotes about positive things learned during the experience of lockdown during the COVID-19 Coronavirus pandemic.

One of my visions for “Lessons from Lockdown” is not only to describe how we’ve managed to stay sane during lockdown, but also to create a vision of a bright new future – a future that works for everyone.”

You can find my essay titled Lessons During Lockdown: Finding Ease in Uncertain Times Here. I truly enjoyed writing this because, when I did, I finally found ease in writing my specific story. Seems that writing is the place where I am mostly myself. Where I enter a world that I am uninterrupted with my muse and that is a place I want to live in.

Funny though how I have been here before and forgotten.

A Published Essay on Lessons in the Time of Lockdown on Shalavee.com

In March of 2018, I had an invitation to join the Wholehearted Living Project hosted by Terri Connellan on her Quiet Writing site. I was thrilled and proud of myself for that piece. I discovered more of myself within that project. I found that I believed in Non-Negotiable Creative Soul Living, a way of respecting the need for creativity and living within that space. You can find that essay title Gathering My Lessons: A Wholehearted Story Here on Terri’s site.

Then I offered an essay up for the Attract Readers’ International Women’s Day Challenge in March of 2019 titled Ceasing Our Self-Bullying & Befriending Ourselves which you can read here. I had the chance to truly speak to myself about compassion and kindness.

Point is that I enjoy writing these bigger essays. It gives me time to really find out what I think. And to take time to mold then and smooth them out until they are the best I can do. I am proud of all these pieces and have been reminded again that I’m an essayist.

Were you to want to read my other stories, they’re there for your enjoyment.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Community is a Necessary Evil

I’ve just come away from organizing a successful fundraiser for my church community. Everyone showed up for the fundraiser bringing food and auction items and they enjoyed laughing and dancing within that community of people. This is the sort of experience that strengthens our individual selves as well as the community. Makes us feel wanted, needed, and gives us a sense of belonging.

And then there’s those other moments as a part of a group. When someone says something that pisses you off. When you feel taken advantage of or attacked when you meant only the best, of course. And those moments will ruin many years of good intentions and community bonds. Because we’re human and messy and sensitive and lousy communicators.

I have never been a part of a community until this one. And while we’re not best friends with anyone, there’s a definite knowledge that if we needed help in any way, we would have a boatload of people show up to deliver that help and take care of us. They are like family in that way. That’s the kind of support that we need as individual and for our families. That’s the definition of community.

Community is a Necessary Evil on Shalavee.com

 

While the dust was settling from a nasty divorce with his first wife, my now husband received some advice from a bartender. He said, “At first, all women will seem evil. Then only one woman will be evil. And eventually, women will be a necessary evil.” Community is a necessary evil. Without it, we have no mirrors to gauge ourselves, see if what we feel is normal. We have no support system and we have no one to sing and dance with and keep us warm.

I can see now that the most hurt I have experienced has come from people putting their fears onto me. Those are the moments when I want nothing more to do with them or the place where I know them from. But where else can we practice compassion for ourselves but inside a community of like-minded people? By giving them the chance to be human and make bad choices and be forgiven, we can offer that to ourselves as well.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Understanding Mindfulness as Doing vs. Being

Since my therapist had asked me to make two separate lists to discriminate what I “was” from what I “did”, I searched the internet for related articles on Being vs. Doing. And what I found was a truly enlightening article on Mindful.org by Zindel Segal titled “The Difference Between “Being” and “Doing”. This concept shifted my understanding of what I have already been working on in my mindfulness practices. This blog post is my summary of what I read and understood.

We have two different mind modes; being and doing. Each has its own value in our lives but some of us may get a little overzealous applying doing to too many things and forget all about the “being”. If we value ourselves only for what we do, we are imprisoned in a never-ending cycle of unhappiness. This explains a lot of my life dissatisfaction and how it’s nice to sometimes just have a seat.Understanding Mindfulness as Doing vs. Being on Shalavee.com

Doing Mode

Doing is a mode where we get things done. It is a very good mode when we use it to improve our ways of progressing and innovating. We compare where we are with where we want to be and then adjust according to the mismatch to “reduce discrepancies”. Then we adjust and then evaluate over and over and hopefully our process improves.

There are problematic applications of doing mode, however, when we become slightly obsessive with out lists and compulsion to do, it is called “driven-doing”. When this mode is then applied to “fixing” emotions, we are sucked into a vacuum of never-ending doing. The more we fail to achieve the emotional state we want to be in, the worse we feel. Doing isn’t going to help us here. This kind of “driven doing” conjures up words like “have to”, “Must”, “ought”, “should”, and “need to”. No immediate action can be applied to reduce the discrepancies and so it feels bad. I suspect how we feel about our bodies may fall here and unrequited love too.

In Doing mode, we evaluate good feelings and bad feelings and give them too much power over us instead of us over them. It seems to cement them into our lives and we forget we choose to feel them not they us.Understanding Mindfulness as Doing vs. Being on Shalavee.com

Being Mode

Where “Doing mode” is goal oriented and one-dimensional, alternatively, “being mode” is about experiencing where you are detached from goals. Doing mode has us thinking about the past, present, and future where being mode has us only experiencing the now. The being mode is direct, immediate, and intimate. It is the present of being in the present.

The being mode allows moods and emotions and circumstances to remain fluid and we are not condemned to a future full of anything. Everything doesn’t have to mean anything but could also mean what you wanted depending on how you view it later. Thoughts and feelings need nothing more than to be passed through and let go of. There’s nothing to “do” with them.

Allowing” is this state of being and there is no need to reduce discrepancies to meet a goal. Approaching any activity in “Being Mode” can reduce the anxiety of the outcome. When I’m doing the dishes, I’m not resenting that I have to do them. I’m simply doing them until they’re done and moving on. This mode allows my day to move much more smoothly and I can concentrate my energies on what I believe to be more important instead of reacting adversely to everything and being exhausted at the end of the day. I believe we only have so much energy in a day to spend and we should spend it wisely.

Am interested to hear how others have experienced this shift as I have within their lives. Wonder if it’s partly getting older and having to slow down to take pictures of and smell the flowers.

Interested in the un-abbreviated version, read it here.

https://www.mindful.org/difference-between-being-and-doing/

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Our Inspiration Makes Us as It Renovates Us

Much that I have seen and read has disappeared from my memory. And still other books have affected me in glorious ways, although I can’t quote passages from these books. Sometimes what we are reading and listening to may not seem to be life-changing , but slight shifts within us can shade the way we progress from thereon.

Last year I read Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic and Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly. But had an immense impact on what I thought about my creativity and my need to risk the outcome of this creativism. But it wasn’t until I started to practice what I had read that it truly came full circle.Our Inspiration Makes Us as It Renovates Us on Shalavee.com

Sometimes thoughts need to percolate. This can be at odds with a culture that has an all or nothing, now or never mentality. But we continue to forget that life isn’t a result but a process. And the self-development process takes as long a it takes. Especially when we start at a deficit of knowledge or confidence to begin with.

Every ‘next’ level of your life will demand

a different version of you.”

–Shaleah Dawnyel–

And I am also in awe at the concept that the more valuable ideas( like the one Brene Brown introduced on vulnerability) are circulated and percolate in our collective minds, the more we all start to shift toward a greater understanding of our collective wellness.Our Inspiration Makes Us as It Renovates Us on Shalavee.com

I owe so much of my thoughts that led to so many of my shifts to the big and small thoughts put out by writers, bloggers, and acquaintances online through posts and newsletters. Small bits and ahas filter through our resistances. And we grow each time we make the creative connections between these thoughts. As one of these acquaintances, Shaleah Dawnyel, put it, “Every ‘next’ level of your life will demand a different version of you.” We are never the same person at the end of the day that we started as. And that’s as it should be. We individually are works of art in progress.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Every ‘next’ level of your life will demand

a different version of you.”

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