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Hallway Renovation Update

I notice that sometimes there are items that will sit on my to-do list for an uncomfortably long time, taunting me with their incompletion. The reasons why they are not being accomplished had evaded me. But they linger like a pain deep in my hip saying there’s something worth an x-ray going on in there. And this hallway renovation had become “one of those things”.

I recognized the hold up sometime ago when I wrote about the stalled renovations in this post titled Weird Spaces and a Plan and what I realized it meant in the bigger picture. I had yet to see myself as my future self. I was stuck in a purgatory between who I used to be and who I’d yet to decide I’d become. And so the hallway sat, halfway undecorated, dark, and a victim to whatever fell there. Until I began to decide to stand for what I am already. When I decided to be me again. And I bought this beautiful kilim rug.Hallway update on Shalavee.com

I hadn’t spent any money on anything new for the house, other than appliances, in a very very long time. But I suddenly became obsessed with the idea that I wanted a kilim rug and that once I had the rug of my dreams, everything else would fall into place. True and truth.

Once the rug was in place, I felt hopeful. And then I began to plan my daughter’s birthday party. And I had to renovate something because, as we all know, parties are really just an excuse to renovate. So I scheduled the hallway painting for this week. Which meant, working backwards, I had to buy the paint beforehand. And this meant, I had to choose the paint colors. So one morning a couple weeks ago, I sat down on the rug in the sunshine and I picked out all the colors.

But it wasn’t until yesterday standing on the ladder with a roller in my hand, that it hit me. This hall was being completely transformed in one week’s time and this had taken me ten years to give myself permission to do. Yes there had been a question of how to “deal” with the bas relief diamonds I had so cleverly adhered to the walls 15 years ago. And then the other day I realized I just needed to spackle over them. Duh. So queen of the spackle bucket went and bought a $20 bucket of spackle, which seems to have gotten way heavier in ten years, and in one day the walls were ready.Hallway update on Shalavee.com

We are not ready until we are ready. The lesson isn’t about time restraints or monetary resources. The lesson is about being ready and being patient until you are. I can’t say I have all the details hammered out yet. Because sometimes we need to be in process to decide and sometimes we need to live with stuff before we can make a decision. And of course, I may also need to change my mind about any of the redecoration choices I have made. The point is, you will start when you are ready and finish when you are done. And allowing that to be the truth will save you many years of judgement on yourself and others.

It is what it is until it isn’t anymore.

Here’s to having most of it completed when the birthday party happens in a month!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Proof That I Have More Guts Than You

This past Friday, I willingly subjected myself to my obligatory “You just turned 50!” booby prize procedure and had my very first colonoscopy. Yes I know, am I really 50 already ? I made sure I dyed my daggone roots before I went so they would feel it necessary to card me and make sure I was old enough. Best news is, with this done, I have nothing more to dread for the upcoming year. And I was compelled to tell all because it seems I have more guts than most.

My body based homework from my annual exam included a full panel of bloodwork, my yearly mammogram (getting my boobies squashed), and that horror procedure reserved for the newest eligible members for the American Association of Retired Citizens, the colonoscopy.

This procedure is the number one thing everyone dreads. Foremost, it means you have to fast for 36 hours. You have to pop laxatives like they’re candy and then drink almost a gallon of fluid laced with thankfully tasteless stool softeners. It’s the prep that’s the hell. Concerned that I hadn’t yet cleared myself out 5 hours beforehand, I was forced to drink one last liquid bomb at 5 am. And in telling this to my doctor before I was knocked out for the procedure, I said that I suspected something was going on in there. My colon is like the lazy river at the theme park. I often suspect my body of trying to make butt diamonds.

After a marvelous and speedy sleep and wake up administered by the most kick butt anesthesiologist ever, I was informed that, yes, there’s a reason for my seemingly slower than molasses in the wintertime bowels : I have more guts than normal people. Literally, my innards are lengthier than other people’s which I later found out is called a redundant colon. Just in case, here’s some more exit ramp. Annoying but true.

Then I thought, if you thought me a little more brazen and risk-taking than other people,  I now have actual proof you are right!  I do have more guts than other people. Hahahahahaha ! Proof That I Have More Guts than You on Shalavee.com

After the procedure, as I had announced on social media on my boring long fasting day, I was ready to go eat my predestined cheese steak sub. After some thoughtful discussion, my husband and I decided to take our business to a well established Easton, Maryland eatery in the strip mall that houses the JC Penney and the Kohl’s stores, called Rusticana Pizza. Exactly what I had wanted. The cheese steak submarine was made with care, the fries were soft on the inside and crunchy on the outside as they always are, and I washed it down with a coke over crushed ice. That hit the spot. Mark’s Stromboli was great too. I kept being reminded of the one delicious bite I took by my burps throughout the day. Our waitress has worked there a long time and her dearness just added to my gratitude.

And what I learned too was how I can see fasting as a noble religious practice. It will show you what you are and aren’t made of. I am not the sum of the contents of my belly or my fat cells. I can withstand discomfort and still live. I was glad that it all went well and that the found polyp was benign. Does however guarantee that I’ll be another total colon cleanse years from now. Yeah because who doesn’t need a complete colon reset every once in a while?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Fear Number #449

I have many fears and some of them seem to continue to show up despite all the work I’ve done. I am still afraid that if I create something, I won’t be able to keep up with and maintain it. This pretty popular fear has to do with both fear of success and the imposter syndrome. Read my out and out admission of this here. And is solely routed in not believing I am enough.

I can see that I have proven this fear false when it comes to blogging. I might not have done it well, at least in the beginning, but I haven’t missed a Monday, Wednesday, or Friday post in a very long time because my audience has my word. Consistent writing has in fact been the key to becoming a better writer and trusting myself to follow through with my projects and promises.Fear #449 on Shalavee.com

I’m still feeling Fear #449 in my aspirations to lead, specifically in the creation of a Shalavee private Facebook group. So many people start things they can’t finish and I refuse to be that person. I am a reluctant leader because if you ask people to follow you, you better have enough time to show up daily for them. As a mother, I’m always wary of how much time I truly have that’s “extra”. Yet my whole existence is an interwoven pattern of tasks done on borrowed time. It all seems to get done.

So I think it becomes a matter of disproving your own negative self-sabotaging theory once and for all. What if I sink? Yes, but what if I fly? Not knowing may somehow be worse. I am not some ego-maniac claiming skills I don’t have. And grit is about showing you can work through and rise above. It’s about telling yourself you believe you can, even if you have your doubts, so that you can prove you wrong. Fear #449 on Shalavee.com

As with my children, I want to give them the space to accomplish and grow and that doesn’t happen unless we let go of the perfect and march straight into the unknown armed only with who we are and the knowledge of what we’ve already accomplished.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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