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You May Have To Prove Who You Are…To Yourself

Why does it always catch me off guard when people gush about how they read what I write and are inspired? Or see my art and tell me how talented I am? It catches me off guard because I am in the practice (actually pretty good at it) of disregarding myself. Like so many others, I undervalue my talents because after all, they are just something I do. But this is an injustice I am realizing I may have to right. As now I’m stuck in a purgatory of feeling over-appreciated by some and under-appreciated by myself.

I may have to prove it to myself that I am smarter than I feel. I may have to prove it to myself that I can achieve way more than I aspire to. I may have to prove it to myself that I’m worth the effort. I may have to prove who I am…to myself. Because apparently there’s a lot I’m missing.

I need to believe that I’m the kind of person who could create a solid body of work and writings that are meaningful. That I could write a book or speak on these subjects I know are enlightening and empowering truths and I would sound knowledgeable and respect-worthy. I need to prove to myself that no matter what I put my mind to, I can and will do that to the best of my abilities.You May Have To Prove Who You Are...To Yourself on Shalavee.com

I believe the proof is in the doing. The doing is in the permission to be vulnerable. So I ask myself,”Pretty please, can I come out of hiding from the closet where I’ve hidden thinking I’m dumb and an impostor?” I liked proving that I could plan, design, and carry out an event after I did it this March. And I really liked writing that piece on what it meant to be living wholeheartedly. Really, really. The only difference is that the next steps would just be for me with no one else to be obliged to.

So, I need to prove that I am the sort of person who can lead and govern herself. Who can put deadlines and goals in my path and rise to meet them. I need to prove who I really am to myself ; the strong, willful, and hard-working gal I have always been.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

How to Knock Fear off Your Brain Hill

If you’ve read anything on self-development and personal growth, you know that fear figures prominently in messing your life goals up. Fear takes on many shapes and feelings like anxiety and perfection and is mostly to blame for everything that messes with your life’s satisfaction. Fear knows everything you know and will ask you to not even acknowledge these truths but there it sits, king of your brain hill.

Usually the first suggested exercises to work through and conquer your fears will be to name them. A series of questions will ask you to delve deep and be honest about what you are most afraid of. If your fear protection barrier is really strong, you won’t be able to see the answer to these questions. Your fear is smarter than this. It’ll be too much trouble or you’ll just give the answer you think they are asking for. Your Fear is really tricky that way and sees everything that you see and dodges your understanding of it. How to Knock Fear off Your Brain Hill on Shalavee.com

My thought is that, yes, we need to acknowledge we have fear. Whether we have fear of success or fear of failure is of no true matter, what we really need to know is what we have in our artillery to fight it. Because, to get on to the things we want, there has to be a battle. The more we succumb to our fears and stay in paralysis, the more disgusted we feel with ourselves. In order to feel proud again, we must move forward out of the fear paralysis and into the “Aha, so that’s who I really am” realm. Get to know the us that fear is blocking us from seeing.

I think knowing you have what it takes when the time comes to fight through the fear is tantamount. You need to acknowledge your own intelligence and what you’ve accomplished earlier in times of adversity. You need to know that your are smart and resourceful and that you have a good network of support ready to aid and cheer you on. Your community and your resources are yours to be proud of. This is called self-efficacy.How to Knock Fear off Your Brain Hill on Shalavee.com

And most of all, I think we need to believe that the Universe is For Us and not Against Us . People want you to succeed. Or perhaps the people who matter want you to succeed. You are only required to give yourself permission beyond the initial fear to find out how far your dream can progress. And then you’ll know what it’s like to say “I can”.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

On Bossing Yourself Around

Kids and big folks alike don’t want to be told what to do. At my house we jokingly say,”Because if you tell me to do it, I’m not gonna do it”. We quite openly use reverse psychology on our kids. “Hey Fiona, whatever you do, don’t go to the potty.” And off to the potty she goes. It works every time even though she knows exactly what we are up to. So bossing yourself can prove to be difficult as well.

I think a lot of us never grow out of that punk attitude of not wanting to be told what to do. Besides making it hard to follow instructions to maintain a job, this becomes another problem when we need to direct our own efforts. When we need to administrate and delegate our time and our efforts to meet our goals, we have to tell ourselves what to do and when to do it. If we just spend all of our time letting the wind decide which way we task ourselves, we may end up being quite upset at how we never seem to accomplish anything we think we should be doing.On Bossing Yourself Around on Shalavee.com

I know that creativity is a priority for me. And I have read enough to know that I can not wait for the muse to show up to be inspired to write or draw. These days, I may just sit myself down in the morning while I’m still fresh and write or draw before the gym or the grocery shopping. Self-leadership is the term I now understand to mean guiding myself towards my goals. And coming from an undisciplined punk background, this is a steep concept to embody.

Self-trust is my biggest buzz word. Your “word” needs to be good to yourself before you are trustworthy to the world. If you say you will do something, be that to yourself or someone else, you need to do it and make your word good. Building the self-trust within yourself is the number one pathway I can see to authenticity and self-esteem. If you don’t trust you, you aren’t believing in your commitment and your importance to yourself. And none of my goals will mean anything to me anyway.On Bossing Yourself Around on Shalavee.com

When we commit to guiding or “bossing” ourselves, and carry out our instructions, we prove we are worthy of the trust and we are building a relationship with ourselves. We are making friends with our Body Buddy.  The inner parent gets to boss but also gets to be proud of what you’ve accomplished. And this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Shadowy Places

I had the pleasure of a private communication with a friend recently and thanked her for her forthrightness on the subject of over-drinking. I mentioned her and the piece she wrote about her own experience getting through to a new place with that anxiety driven behavior when she inspired me to look at my behavior and see how my assumptions about my life were no longer true. And now I don’t have to quell needless anxieties anymore. Or not as much perhaps.

It struck me as significant when she said that many other of her connections had privately contacted her to give her their gratitude too. She said how much she appreciated how when we talked about what we thought we’d always have as our secret shames, this actually helped each of us bring light to the “shadowy places” and make our fears a lot less scary.Shadowy Places on Shalavee.com

The risk to be vulnerable ends up paying off with relief. And we pass the relief along to someone else who may need permission to not be terrified or ashamed. Our communications add humanity and compassion back into our lives. And I live for those moments when the light gets shined into a dark place and makes it suddenly seem so much less scary.

So give the world what you’ve got. Take a risk and ask for support and guidance and you will be bowled over by the gifts that may await you when you do.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

 

Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance?

At any given moment, we have at least these two choices : we can set to work on the tasks we see ourselves in need of accomplishing to get to where we think we want to go. Or we can give up on ourselves and decide the effort is not worth it. Or we’re not worth the effort. When you don’t feel worthy of the effort, you live a lifetime of giving up.

I asked myself, what is more difficult, giving up or giving yourself a chance? You’d think that working toward something , be it a better life or self-esteem or relationship with yourself would be harder work than giving up. But I think the opposite is true.Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance? on Shalavee.com

It’s hard work resigning yourself to your lack of worth for the effort. Believing in your complete lack of value is the hardest most painful work of all. To continue to endure your devaluation of yourself is very tough to do and yet, this is what it means to have low self-esteem. Everyday you resign yourself to being less than. You tell yourself you aren’t worth the effort. You recreate what you believe the world told you when you were little.

 

When you don’t feel worthy of the effort,

you live a lifetime of giving up.

 

I stayed in abusive relationships because I didn’t feel worth the effort to leave. I gave up everyday on me and my need to find happiness. But the staying was so much more work than the leaving eventually ended up being. Perpetuating hopelessness is exhausting.Is It Harder to Give Up on You or Give You a Chance? on Shalavee.com

Telling the truth is actually way easier that maintaining a lie. I chose to recognize that the relationship was a reflection of my bad self-worth. And that I was choosing to keep myself in pain with it and I could be done and no longer choose it. Life got immensely easier after that. And I discover that every time I work hard towards a goal which I’m excited about, the thrill and pride I feel for myself show that was the easiest work I could have done.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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