At any given moment, we have at least these two choices : we can set to work on the tasks we see ourselves in need of accomplishing to get to where we think we want to go. Or we can give up on ourselves and decide the effort is not worth it. Or we’re not worth the effort. When you don’t feel worthy of the effort, you live a lifetime of giving up.
I asked myself, what is more difficult, giving up on yourself or giving yourself a chance? You’d think that working toward something , be it a better life or self-esteem or a relationship with yourself would be harder work than giving up. But I think the opposite is true.
I believe it is harder work resigning yourself to your lack of worth for the effort. Believing in your complete lack of value is the hardest most painful work of all. To continue to endure your devaluation of yourself is very tough to do and yet, this is what it means to have low self-esteem. Everyday you resign yourself to being less than. You tell yourself you aren’t worth the effort. You recreate what you believe the world told you when you were little.
When you don’t feel worthy of the effort,
you spend a lifetime giving up.
I stayed in abusive relationships because I didn’t feel worth the effort to leave. I gave up everyday on me and my need to find happiness. But the staying was so much more work than the leaving eventually ended up being. Perpetuating hopelessness is exhausting.
Telling the truth is actually way easier than maintaining a lie. I chose to recognize that the bad relationship was a reflection of my sucky self-worth. And that I was choosing to keep myself in pain with it and I could be done and no longer choose it. Life got immensely easier after that. And I discover that every time I work hard towards a goal which I’m excited about, the thrill and pride I feel for myself show me that was the easiest work I could have done.
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