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Fighting the Scheduling

I have been having an ongoing conversation with my almost 16 year old about creating a relationship with his future. He cringes because he is very happy with living in his now, thank you very much. Why would I want to take him away from all the fun he’s having now by scheduling all the boring things he’ll be made to do in the future. And then I realized, I am doing the exact same thing.

I’ve been resisting scheduling stuff in my calendar. Stuff that seems to be adult stuff. I don’t want to act like a business professional and schedule my work hours within my day. I want to just find the time like I’ve been doing for all of the lockdown. Capturing magic moments within the bubble of our quarantined lives to create and commune and claim my joy, because Joy is my word of the year.

But I am also refusing to plan my meals. Because I should do it, it’s the very thing I don’t wanna do even if this scheduling will allow me even more free time and less stress when it comes to taking care of my family. And losing weight. Nope.Fighting the Scheduling on Shalavee.com

I’d much rather ride the creative wave when it strikes me. It feels so good to hammer out a meal and an essay when the mood hits. But this is not sustainable. An artist that waits for the muse to visit isn’t doing herself any favors. She needs to be awaiting the muse with a typewriter under her hands or loaded paintbrush in case the muse visits.

So how do you create a relationship with your future? You are dependable. You plan things that give you something to work for and look forward to. And those are the items that go on your schedule. If you get to that day and there’s no way you can, so be it. But if you can, you’ve already carved out time for it.

As for meals, even one day ahead of time is acceptable. I tend to like a list of my options up on the fridge to pick from. But I have to know I have everything I need to make this and avoid any extra trips to the store. And I also need a couple days when someone else “makes” the dinner.

So I opened up my datebook and I put in what I know I am doing. And then I can see time blocks where I know no small people will be bugging me. I put in a couple hours of work here and there especially since I am still writing blog posts for Tuesdays and Fridays. And I’m committing to going from there.

It’s process not production that I am trying to tweak here. Anyone else feel like this?

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Moments of Profundity

I tried to sit with my thoughts today. To write. To extract some sort of profound truth from my day. And my brain said “sploop”.

Moments of profundity sometimes won’t show up on demand betwixt days and days of 7 year old daughter harassment and 15 year old son idiocy. So be it.

It may be enough that I breath today. And that’s OK.

Happy Monday and I wish you profound moments in the coming week. I find life is a little more fun with profundity.

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I am a community kinda person and am always practicing Intentional Intouchness.

I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

How My Feelings Freak You Out and What to Do About It

As you know, I truly disregard other’s judgment of my expression of feelings here. This space has always held safety for me. Even when I’ve been attacked, I still know that I am entitled to be honest about me. I sometimes think I should be more so.

And what I’ve come to realize is that not only do people truly not understand that it’s Okay to be not Okay, they think that my expression of self-doubt or fear to be me is somehow a reflection of instability. After all, who thinks this is Okay?

I Do.

In fact, if we were all to admit our self-doubts, our humanity more to one another without assuming that person is funny farm material, we might get to route of some of our problems more quickly. But instead, people are horrified at my humanity. It must mean something awful has happened to me.How My Feelings Freak You Out and What to Do About It on Shalavee.com

Am I considering self-harm? Bahahaha hahahaha! I have never gone there and don’t plan to. Or maybe my anxieties just play into others’ anxieties and they can’t read what I write without being triggered into anxiety. I get that. Maybe my husband has driven me to it? He’s the funniest kindest man I’ve ever met so, no.

I find it sad that we are so clammed up with our feelings that we can’t even recognize and value honesty as just that. If we find compassion for one another and our expression of pain, it may help us find compassion for our own pain. That’s apparently not an option. But I wish it was. So I’ll continue to confess my feelings. And your choice of how to respond is yours to do what you want.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Calling the Shame to the Table

What is it about me and absolutes? I need to be all in or all out. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right. SO many contingencies which completely permit me to opt out of stuff that I really “should” be doing.

Here’s some that have been rumbling around making me dizzy.

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Do I find my true voice so that I can be a writer or

Do I write to find my true voice?

If I fail to start, I fail. If I start to fail, I started.

Our fear is very trixsy. It knows everything we know and can use our best and worst moments against us. For years, and I mean for years and years, I have made promises to myself to branch out and take chances with my writing. While I am completely comfortable with my nakedness here on my blog, I have not caught the updraft to sail into the larger world.

This is a great source of shame for me, as much as my weight gain from the pandemic lockdown. And shame is our worst captor. She works closely with Fear finding ways to make you comply and “stay safe”. I abhor that phrase. My safety makes me ashamed and that’s why I’m telling on myself. I want to release myself from this horrid prison.

Calling the Shame to the Table on Shalavee.com

I don’t know the right way to start.

I have nothing to say and have never done anything interesting.

I don’t need the hassle of the worry and the fret.

Nothing ventured, nothing lost.

Every day is a good day to start again.

Shame is a sh**show.

And accountability is everything.

I will give you my secret shame and you can hold onto it. I don’t want it anymore.

And I’ll do the same for you if you need me to.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My 9 Year Blogaversary

My Blog at Shalavee.com, the home for my consistent creative writing outlet, turns 9 years old this month. She was born from a need to commit to my creative writing. She was an excuse to come out of my shell and show up online. And what I found out about myself through my honest words and connections with people in the world was that I had unlimited thoughts to convey and words to express them with.

I have regularly owned my words and shared them out loud on my blog. My thoughts weren’t always greeted with kindness and I was so insecure when I first started on social media, I was terrified to “friend” people. But over time, as with anything, I learned how I wanted to use these communication tools to communicate in a way I was comfortable with. I have since created long term friendships with and been witnessed by some pretty terrific people.My 9 Year Blogaversary on Shalavee.com

The blog helped me to discover I had an honest voice and people appreciated this. Through my blog, I discovered who I am to the world and to myself.

I am a Creativity Ambassador. I am a Mid-Life Mom. I practice Creative Soul Living and look for Wisdom Lessons in my everyday life. I don’t shy away from my truths and give them away freely in my Soul Selfies on Instagram and blog post essays. I spent many years as an Anxiety Warrior and finally allowed medication to help me over the unmovable hump to progress with my writing and blog and claim a new place in the world of words and thought leaders.My 9 Year Blogaversary on Shalavee.com

There is some big beautiful juicy things I can do here on earth through this outlet if I only envision a plan and get on with the business of writing it into reality.

See my 8th blogaversary post here. See my 7th blogaversary post here. See my 6th  here. My 5th here. My 4th here. (pictures may not appear until the new sight is up).

Just you wait!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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