I’m 11 years into blogging and l have yet to feel like I have done this blogging thing right.
What’s Right though?
Right would have been promoting myself to get read by more people. I avoid asking. Right would have been to not only talk about writing submissions but to have done them. And where’s that ebook? Have l not taken myself seriously? Or is it my lack of confidence and fear keeping me safe?
I wrote on Instagram, “If I were confident in my gifts to the world, how would l do my life differently?” I’d ask to be seen. I’d stop proving I’m not worth it and start acting like I was. A little fake until I made it kinda thing. 
One of my mentors, Anna Lovind wrote this in her letter recently, “I’m thinking that a lot of our stress and confusion and resistance around growing our work comes from believing we should be somewhere other than where we are, that we should be “winning” in some way that is not coherent with who we are and what we want and need.”
My definition of success apparently doesn’t include how much better a writer I am for writing over a thousand blog posts through these years. Seems this definition of success is also very numbers oriented, whether that’s audience or money. But I’m also the person who says, if only one person is inspired or moved by what I’ve written, then I am successful. And I have been told I have done this by many people.
It is up to each of us to intentionally define what we believe success to be. For me, it’s been staying at home to raise my children and writing regularly just for myself. Not being a sponsored blogger. Creating community and friendships through the connections I’ve made online. What a richer life I’ve led for this blog.
However, being seen, asking to be seen doesn’t feel safe and feels narcissistic. There’s a value that is getting in my way. So, my definition of success is a work in progress.
And I believe it includes feeling joyful and not focusing money as the primary motivator.
And it means never apologizing for being myself.
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