“What story have I been telling that may not be true”, the self-help guru asked. I’ve been feeling quite stagnant of recent and I decided to listen to or read something that I thought might spur some change. What else is there to do? And as I began to write down some possible stories I was telling myself, I found one that I realized may be holding my whole proud creative process back. And this happened a year ago.
Last Spring was my 5th year doing the 100 day project. This time, I’d gotten an idea to do a photo project and document stuff in my life and then retake a picture with a comment written on it. The project started much earlier in the year than it usually had. And I started out happily feeling clever.
By the end of this 100 day project, I was feeling so depleted and lonely that I blamed it on the project and wanting something that it couldn’t give me. I claimed that people weren’t that excited about it to comment and I felt I was playing to an empty audience. And I was done. Done with that project and done with continuous creativity. I’d venture to say, I was so burned out that it became creativity in general that I was walking away from. Read the final project post HERE.
So there I am the other day remembering the story that I had told myself and I decided to fact check myself by going back into Instagram and checking out how the project had progressed and if there truly was no one showing up or commenting. And this is what I found out. There were plenty of people in the beginning. And eventually, after the 70th or 80th days, the likes were down to 30 – 40 likes. But that is still a lot.
As for no one commenting, there was at least one comment on my posts, often from the closest of my friends, but only one or two had no comments whatsoever. It would seem that the story I’d been telling myself was not actually true.
So I began to remember what else was going on at that time. I was running a fundraiser for my mentor Anna Lovind during that time which was successful raising $5,000 necessary dollars for her to retain her intellectual property which I admire greatly. I was changing over anxiety medications and that was very traumatic. We traveled twice that Spring and I had all the other things that I attend to as the caretaker I am.
I think the reason I felt lonely and overwhelmed was because I was. I wasn’t there for myself in a way that I felt supported and I wasn’t asking for the support and help that I needed to get through with myself in tact. And so I blamed it on the art. Boy does that sound familiar?
Rewriting stories that don’t empower us and keep us from doing that which we love is something we are in fact capable of. But it’s not often that we actually go there and question ourselves. Or fact check. Because those initial stories served a purpose when we told them. But we can eventually outgrow that purpose. And I need for me to tell myself another story about creativity.
All creativity projects are bad
One creative project ended badly
Creative projects are a necessary evil
Do you have a story that you tell from your past that doesn’t feel empowering?
Does it have to do with your creativity?
if you can share what that is, please leave a comment below.
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On Instagram Through pictures and words, I creatively share my real life with a community of interested ears. I also write Notes to the Wise, a new IG page I made to spark and have conversations of a soulful sort.
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As always, thank you for your visit !
I think you are wonderful! Just keep showing up for you…others will find you and be gratefull you were there even they were not!