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The Whine Frequency

My budding toddler has begun to emit a sound that now wins the highest honor for most intolerable and grating sound in my brain. It is known as a whine to you and the whine frequency is maddening to me.

Fiona has delivered me to Dante’s whatever level of hell for mothers. I now know that in fact girls are more dramatic and they instinctively come up with the concept of fake crying by 18 months. It would almost be impressive if it weren’t so upsetting.

Fiona in the sun on the Whine Frequency on shalavee.com

You see, mother’s have a special programming chip in their brains for their child’s cries. They can hear a whimper from their child across a room crowded with chattering chimpanzees. This is a biological programming chip that keeps people alive until they can keep themselves alive.

Fiona covering her face  on the Whine Frequency on shalavee.com

But now, the integrity of the cry is being corrupted. She is no longer in danger or pain most of the time when she emits this frequency that is so high and raw, it’s worse than any chalkboard or Styrofoam squeak anywhere. Because my brain immediately responds to the distress and instantly I also know there’s nothing wrong. It’s a false alarm every time. Fiona's profile on the Whine Frequency on shalavee.com

I would love to jam earplugs in my ears all day. But there’s that one tiny chance that she’ll actually hurt herself by climbing onto the windowsill and then fall off and thrust her tiny teeth through her lip. And so I live in the perpetual irritated state of toddler girl whiney-dom. Don’t forget the added older brother factor which increases the whine’s occurrence just because it’s fun to poke her. Please kill me now.

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10 Responses to “The Whine Frequency”

  1. Jennifer says:

    Whining is just about the worst! Hope she outgrows it as quick as possible 🙂

  2. Ann Davis says:

    Shalagh,

    I understand about the whine factor, but especially the fake crying. My favorite is when they “cry” and fall on the floor
    face down and periodically look up to see if you are looking.
    Eventually, when you don’t respond they give up on the dramatics
    and proceed about their other business. It’s not necessarily funny at the time, but it really is when you observe the attempt
    as parent manipulation.

    There is probably some sort of hearing device that can filter
    that particular frequency and allow all others to pass through.
    If you really get desperate, you might look into that.

    • Shalagh says:

      Oh the price I’d pay for that special hearing device Ann!!! And sadly I know this has only begun. And if she sees it gets to me, I’m sunk.
      Thanks !
      Love,
      Shalagh

  3. A. Michelle says:

    OMG. Eamon is poking her? Such gorgeous pics – especially that profile. Great job capturing the DRAMA. And the chattering chimpanzee room is hysterical. Thanks for writing your aggro. Feel better?

  4. donna says:

    There is a time when the toddler makes it their purpose in life to perfect ‘the whine’ a lot of practice goes into making this their own and never satisfied until they are pitch perfect. You know perfect pitch has been achieved when you feel you have just had an electric current pass through your body…yes that’s the note Fiona is hitting. As you know all things pass and the frequency will change! Maybe one ear plug today.xxd

    • Shalagh says:

      Oh Donna, you are very funny! Yes, like a toddler dissertation, she’s perfecting that whine for her degree. And yes, maybe one ear plug. Love that concept. Turning the deaf ear as it were. Thank you for your support!
      Love,
      Shalagh

  5. adamjasonp says:

    At least you know when Eamon is poking her; like a poking alarm. Then again, the earsplitting chirp of some smoke alarms when the battery is low just makes you want to disable it altogether. Cute photos, not so cute sound. It’s something to tell them both to STOP when there’s no need. (If that ever works.) She’ll learn, eventually. Can’t ignore it all (as you said, if something was really wrong).

    Oh, parenting. It can wear you down a ton; but the memories are precious.

    • Shalagh says:

      I like the smoke alarm analogy!!! Yes but we can’t go and disable them can we. No batteries to remove. Thankfully, this week I’ve had a reprieve. And now that I’ve said that…

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