How My Feelings Freak You Out and What to Do About It

As you know, I truly disregard other’s judgment of my expression of feelings here. This space has always held safety for me. Even when I’ve been attacked, I still know that I am entitled to be honest about me. I sometimes think I should be more so.

And what I’ve come to realize is that not only do people truly not understand that it’s Okay to be not Okay, they think that my expression of self-doubt or fear to be me is somehow a reflection of instability. After all, who thinks this is Okay?

I Do.

In fact, if we were all to admit our self-doubts, our humanity more to one another without assuming that person is funny farm material, we might get to route of some of our problems more quickly. But instead, people are horrified at my humanity. It must mean something awful has happened to me.

Am I considering self-harm? Bahahaha hahahaha! I have never gone there and don’t plan to. Or maybe my anxieties just play into others’ anxieties and they can’t read what I write without being triggered into anxiety. I get that. Maybe my husband has driven me to it? He’s the funniest kindest man I’ve ever met so, no.

I find it sad that we are so clammed up with our feelings that we can’t even recognize and value honesty as just that. If we find compassion for one another and our expression of pain, it may help us find compassion for our own pain. That’s apparently not an option. But I wish it was. So I’ll continue to confess my feelings. And your choice of how to respond is yours to do what you want.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

We are all Fear Puppets, it’s Not Personal

I caught myself again being frustrated at someone for their fear. When people are afraid, which seems a constant mode these days, they make choices to protect themselves or avoid stuff that makes them feel wiggy. And this really isn’t about you. But it certainly feels like it sometimes…most of the time.

Taking it personally seems to be automatic for us. You didn’t say hi to me when we passed each other on the street so immediately I think that must mean you don’t like me. But you may not want to be seen with that extra 10 pounds you gained or truly think eye contact will make me want to talk to you and you’re in a hurry. Whatever the reason people make choices, it’s not always about us.

This pandemic has people really scared. No matter what, their fear just doesn’t understand reason. Fear keeps us discombobulated, separated, and unreasonable. So this is definitely not a good time to decide on the quality of people’s character. Fear is making us all act like nincompoops.

Instead, we need to dish out a giant dose of compassion…again and again and again. For ourselves, our neighbors, our sisters and brothers, and our friends who aren’t acting quite like themselves. Everyone shows their fear in a different way and you just may be at the wrong place at the wrong time and get hit with a blast of someone’s fear crazies. Allow it not to be about you and see if you can help them to not feel so alone.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Grow Through What You Go Through

Grow through what you go through.

The best way out is always though.

For me, the largest shift happened not because I chose for it to happen

But because I stopped stopping it from happening.

My story two years ago,

The Fear shield comes up.

It disallows all the work I’ve done prior to matter.

Infantalizing me, ignoring all my efforts, it insists it needs to keep me safe in its way.

But I’ve done all of this work i say. I’ve studied and thought and grieved to get here.

Let me pass.

But there was always an impasse. Until l introduced anti-anxiety medication into my equation.

Then an unexpected shift happened.

I felt less resistance to my thoughts and dreams. My perpetual daily fear tape stopped running.

And I began to feel hope and movement.

Growth wanted to happen. It took all my learning and knowledge and applied it.

And fear took a back seat.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Are You Struck Too by Mankind’s Generosity in this Crisis?

One action is striking me in this time of quietly awaiting the restart of our lives. Yes, the absolute idiocy of our American government and how smart my daughter is aside,  the richness and generosity of the human spirit. All the efforts of people to help one another with food and assistance definitely increases my feelings of faith in mankind.

That after we’re over getting through this, we can see exactly what was always important to us as individuals and as civilizations. The word civil being the operative word. Money and fear have been governing our world for too long while our world’s environment and children need feeding and care. No amount of money saved at Walmart will get us closer to these.

If there’s one thing that will make you and me feel better any day of our lives, it’s to make a difference to someone, for someone. So send love to people, both loved ones and strangers alike. Be a part of healing us and yourself. Show up for others without the need to be acknowledged for it and you’ll receive more rewards than you ever imagined.

I am making art everyday for myself and others. I am sending cards and compliments and company. I am feeding the cats, squirrels, blue jays, and anything else that likes Purina cat food. I am being present for myself and my kids. What else is there?

Want to read more of my viral diaries?

Now is When We Need Self-Compassion

What’s a Sunday Feel Like?

What Life Will You Choose When This is Done?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

I Feel Your Fear Friend

People are exhibiting some weird fear behavior right now. Fight or flight stuff playing out at the stores across the world. Here in Maryland, the virus has worked it’s way into the state so much that the Governor has put everyone in a timeout for now. We’re to stay at home, Damnit, except for food. And while I’m glad I don’t have to deal with throngs of panicked people, I still had to venture out for groceries today. How do we think in a way that allows for our and others’ humanity in times of crisis. How do we not take it personally?

I have often said, when I act like a jackass, it’s usually because I’m acting from my fear. And when I have been wronged by someone, it’s probably for the same reason. Yet somehow we forget, or deny, that we are not the only one being puppet-mastered by our emotions, our hormones, and primitive brain. And when we’re scared, we often make the most dreadful unkind and hurtful choices. How do we forgive people for their misbehavior? How do we allow ourselves to be human?

I think the only response to anyone who may have tossed unkind behavior or words my way, is to say,”I feel your fear (friend)”. And repeat it.  I acknowledge that you are feeling fearful and perhaps I am too. We are all in this together despite how personal it all feels. I feel your fear. Forgive yourself for acting like a selfish arse and do something extra kind to compensate for it.

Much love and compassionate virtual hugs for everyone today.