I Have Creative Chaos Cuckoo Brain

Already several weeks into the Courage Based Goals Workshop with Sas Petherick inside her amazing Self-Belief Coaching Academy, and I’ve hit a wall or two and broken through. Because her coaching gave me the right tools and perspective to continue working with myself to get to the other side.

If it’s Not One Thing, It’s Your Mother

I owned my overwhelm to Sas and class saying how I felt way too disorganized and overwhelmed with my prolific creative chaos tornado, something I’d proclaimed on Instagram in this post. I said I keep thinking there’s a better system I should be using. But I knew that was subterfuge for my fear. And when Sas asked, “Tell me more about being disorganized in your creative ideas – what does this protect you from?”, this is what I answered.

Being disorganized with my creative ideas protects me …
By preventing clarity to start.
Because if I started then I’d have to do stuff.
Stuff I might not like to do or be comfortable about doing.
Keeps me from feeling clear and together and purposeful.
Stops me from having to be “professional”.
Keeps me stuck. Proves I’m not capable of the tasks it takes.
“Take myself seriously” which sounds like no fun.

I share this not only because you may do the same and you’ll yell AHA when you read it, but also, I know this behavior all too well from the way my mother has lived her life. I remarked in an aside, “In the beginning of Thomas Dolby’s song Hyperactive, there’s the voice of a therapist saying, “Tell me about your Childhood.” And it makes me want to crack up because I say, “If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.” Girls and their mothers, duh. We do not want to be like them when we are like them in so many ways. “

Keep On Keeping On

Rereading my list of to do’s for my goal to relaunch my blog, I realized that there were a few to do items on there that absolutely could be done after the relaunch. But others needed to happen concurrently. Like maybe a little online celebration of some sort? I retyped my to do list into two lists. One for the relaunch and one for after that. And what do you know, my list got lighter. And I actually think I may be able to do this. If I just keep being me and doing the next right thing!

Thanks for being here with me dearest gentle reader (Bridgerton anyone?)

It means more than I can say!