At the end of our therapy session, she said be aware of the clenching up and the anxiety you may get when things are going good. That’s to be expected when you heal your soul but be mindful of it so that you can take it in and move beyond it. I suddenly realized I had tensed up and wrung my hands when I’d said things were going well as I headed into the holiday season. Because that is unheard of. And now I’d claimed happiness was possible.
I watched a taped conversation between Oprah and Brene Brown where they were discussing how even when things are going well, you brace yourself for the disaster. You deflect joy by deflating it. I read about this in Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly late. Because we want to guard against the pain and disappointment that we may feel if we are hopeful and count our chickens. Deflect the good and it won’t hurt when it goes up in flames.
So that the process of being happy, acknowledging my life is going better than it ever has is a very risky vulnerable thing to do. But there you have it. Where once Christmas was dreadful because it just meant more debt, now I have money in a savings account ready to pay for it. Where I once felt anxious every day about everything that I couldn’t control, today I have minor moments and mostly, I just don’t much care anymore what others’ are thinking.
If you do your best, and you honestly and truly know it is, then you get to be happy. You get to sit back in the self-trust chair and rule your happy little kingdom called life. And let everyone else worry about all those things no one can control. Happy is an inalienable right I’m cashing in for the holidays. How about you?
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