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Remember, They Are So Little

Remember, they’re still so little. When they’re big people, they won’t be little anymore. They say “The days can be long but the years are short”. I have to imagine them grown already to appreciate them more here while they sass me and argue with me.Their So Little on Shalavee.com

They are clever and funny, manipulative and innocent. I hold space for all these qualities in them that they find what’s right for them. I try to be a wise and patient parent. And then I snap, apologize for my humanity and move on. Their So Little on Shalavee.com

They are of me but not mine. I can’t control, only guide. They can only emulate what they see. And so I have fought for their vision to be full of self-respect and self-care. Of valuing myself that they will one day value themselves. And allowing and valuing for the differences in people who the world has to offer them to learn from. Their So Little on Shalavee.com

My children are my greatest teachers. And for them, I will be courageous. I will be mindful and honest. I will continue to look into my soul, healing and showing them that humanity is messy and lovely and wonderful. Their So Little on Shalavee.com

This is what I hope they know of me when I am gone and they want to know who I was. I think they already do though.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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How Do You Define Success

How do I know if I’ve achieved success? Seems it has to do with fulfilling a set of standards. Checking off boxes, right? But what if the tasks you are trying to accomplish are conceptual. Like raising self-esteem or confidence. I realize that there’s no beginning or end to this process and although it’s extremely satisfying , it’s also the one thing you can’t see yourself accomplishing necessarily. The check-boxes are not well-defined.

I read somewhere that to know if your successful, you may need to write your definition of success. If that sounds simple, try to write it down and see what happens. It feels like something you’d almost avoid doing. Except how then do you know where you’re headed and when you’ve arrived? See what I’m saying? without a definition, success stays vague.

I have noticed that even on a daily or weekly basis, I may raise my bar for successful achievement several times and never even properly acknowledge the things I’ve accomplished. That’s No Fair. And on closer inspection of my expectations of what success looks like, I can see that there is some ridiculousness in my parameters. Definition of Success on Shalavee.com

If I was successful I would:

  • Be better organized
    • Have a nicer wardrobe, nicer car
      • Be a better gardener
        • Hire a house cleaning service
          • Be published in magazines

            • Have my own office with time to write in it
              • Be skinny with whiter teeth

                • ETC

The problem here is that all these elements of success require me to be someone else.  Unfair again. And there’s no empirical way to find out if I’m successful on any of these without more specific goal numbers. They also seem to be more external goals known as extrinsic goals.

On the other hand, just how do you judge yourself as being successfully kind or compassionate, both being intrinsic qualities we value? That seems only something someone else can decide you are successful being. Or perhaps it’s that our society doesn’t prioritize these qualities as much as the other extrinsic ones. That we are so outwardly focused, we disregard the harder to define intrinsic qualities. Yet I realize that’s exactly what I need to do, value that which I am. Define your success on shalavee.com

So I’m going to attempt to do some Life goal mood boarding soon. And I have a feeling that I will have to come clean on what my definition of success truly is. And I have another feeling that this will make my life a lot easier to manage. Because I’m not liking the continuous default to a place I’ll never be able to reach as a person I’ll never be.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Care For the Caretaker

Why is it hard to take care of ourselves? All the rallying I’m reading for our personal radical self-care reminds me that there’s a deficit in our self-priorities. But why?

I know our expectations of our treatment of self come from our environments, our upbringing, and our role models. I heard and saw my mother disrespect herself, deny her beauty and power by the way she allowed the world to treat her and her husband, my father, to treat her. I knew she was anxious and felt unworthy by the way she fretted about the world she lived in. for the Caretaker on Shalavee.com

From everything I’ve ever heard and learned, I know women’s roles are as caretakers. Our children are important, absolutely. And watching my husband ignore his body so often, I would wonder if any children would get their basic needs met if men were to be responsible for them. Not hungry until starving guy that he is. Not thirsty until dehydrated. No need to see the doctor until the emergency room visit.

So I concede to the necessity of the mothering to be handled by the caretakers, caregivers, and empaths. But what purpose does sacrificing our own well-being serve? Because if it’s all care for them and nothing for us, the children will be doomed to suffer from the same anxieties and low-self-esteem as the mother feels not valuing herself. And the cycle of depression and sometimes even self-hatred will continue for another generation. That’s no way to raise a well-adjusted next generation. Do as I say not as I do has never worked before. We need to be the change to see our children grow as stout resilient capable human beings.Eamon's concert on Shalavee.com

I say challenge the whys? Who does it benefit when I can not even prioritize my health, my feeling of beauty, my teeth or my bones or my psyche? How does it benefit my mother or my country or the next generation if I stay scared and meek and un-proud of my body or my skills outside of the parenting?

Gonna stand and stare at that one for a while.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Pulling My Value Out of Your Pocket

The theme of my recent therapy sessions has been value. What is my value? How do I see my value? Because having low self-esteem often means invisibility. That my value has often been imperceptible to me. I do not see what others see and this has kept me standing still while the world seems to zoom past me.

If I valued myself, then I would ask that others do the same of me. I’d be able to offer what I make/do for people to buy and not just take. Because it had value. The concept of being a business is still so foreign, disdainful even. But I feel that art has value. I believe vehemently in fact in the value of aesthetics and art in people’s lives. I just didn’t see this relating to me. Until it did.Painted floor cloth and my value on Shalvee.com

Blindly, I had based my value quite heavily on what others saw and valued in me. But things go terribly wrong when we act from a need to be liked. And then suddenly, I was offered an opportunity to see what I truly valued in myself when someone told me that what I had created wasn’t of value. At first I doubted myself, my talent. I respected their opinion. There must be something I’d overlooked.

But as I continued to consider what I’d created, I realized I value my design ability and my knack for making visual impact. I had done the very best work I could and I was proud of it. And I pulled myself back out from under those bus wheels.Red white and blue flower arrangement from Shalavee.com

I am grateful beyond words to have been given an opportunity to reclaim my value. To take it back out the pocket of another and put it into mine for safer keeping. My inner artist is a sensitive soul, yes. And I believe there is some work to be done around fortifying my artist heart. But I can say that I will be watching very closely where I’m receiving my valuable esteem from. And when others say,”You are a really good writer” or artist or designer, I’m gonna say,”Thank you” because I knew that and it’s nice to be reminded and recognized for being who you already know yourself to be.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Teach What You Know?

After reading a rather inspirational blog post last night and again this morning, I see the third dimension. The missing piece that I can identify but not quite name. I’ve acknowledged before that my mirror is broken. And today I know I’m still looking at the back of it. Would that I knew what I knew, I would willingly teach it to other people.

The post author Jeff Goins said , ”Teach What You Know”. Because :

  • If we all taught what we knew, we would waste a lot less time trying to impress other people, pretending to be smarter than we really are.
  • If we all taught what we knew and didn’t hoard our knowledge, we would all be smarter.
  • If we all taught what we knew, those around us would value what we offer more.

Sigh. I am often tied in knots with so many thoughts overloading my brain, I hardly know what to do first or how or where. Would that seem more preferable than claiming my talents ? The invisible powers I have that people would seem to value but I don’t ?

golden fading Summer on Shalavee.com

Jeff started his post by saying, “There are so many people out there these days who want to sell you something they have no right trying to sell. And ironically, it seems that the most qualified experts are often the quietest voices. So how do we fix this?”

Shazam. So many people selling things that I find it obnoxious. I don’t want to sell you anything. I want to engage you in thought and process.And eventually, if you really like what I’m teaching and I put it in a book form and you want to but it, then I’ve earned it fairly.

So you tell me, what do you think my “Gifts of Knowledge” are?

What could I teach you?

I’m willing and almost ready to do another video house tour. What video would you want to see otherwise?

I’m going to conduct this survey internally and externally and see what results I get. And then I’m going to work hard to share with you what seems of most value. chessie in the tuille on Shalavee.com

Because you can’t be stingy with you. Share yourself and your kindness and your wisdom with people even if you think they might not appreciate it. You’ll appreciate giving yourself permission to just be you.

Wanna see the whole month of posts? Start here. Yesterday’s post, go here.

If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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