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Our Ability to Change is Not about Willpower

If it were a matter of willpower, we’d all be willing ourselves into success and abundance and skinniness. Yes your ability to change starts with your intent and your why but after that there’s a trick to do what you want. Your belief in your worthiness and your self-trust are what’s standing between you and what you want. And your fear is what’s in charge until they are.

I detest the formulas out there to my success which depend on me “just doing it”. I see and read so much about your ability to change your life and your plethora of choices and I want to scream, “Your missing the part where I believe I can and I’m worth it”. My low self-esteem might have been called out but it is by no means been completely reversed.

If I don’t trust myself as reliable, honorable, and capable of following these steps to success and achievement, I am not starting. I already know I’ll fail myself. Why would I want to put myself through that over and over. It’s easier to assume I can’t than to bear the pain of starting and then discovering (surprise!) that I can’t follow through.Our Ability to Change is Not About Willpower on Shalavee.com

At the beginning, we are either worth the effort or we’re not. We claim we know that of course we are worth it but many people feel unworthy of so much secretly. The world has shown them they aren’t worthy. Their parents just weren’t there or asked them to be someone other than who they knew they were. The opportunities they saw other people getting were not offered to them. And layer upon layer upon layer of unworthiness build up. Until giving up is way less painful than trying.

I have held a campaign for self-trust for myself for some time. As in over five years consciously. It is a steep hill to climb and yet, I am finally at the point where I am feeling the scales tipping. Witness my feeling of I can vs I can’t in this recent piece.Our Ability to Change is Not About Willpower on Shalavee.com

Life is a “Do It Yourself Project” of the largest degree. And every facet of your life and perception is malleable, changeable. Every thought we have is subject to our own scrutiny of validity. And in this introspective process, a noble self-respecting way of thinking arises. And through that, the understanding that our relationship with ourselves, our self-care, and our honor are all of our own doing.

Somehow, we need to grab ahold of the concept that we are all undeniably worth our own mercy and we then begin again. The nobility of beginning again is fathomless. And the wonder of our own faulted humanity is held by everyone, especially the person who’s holding your hand when you decide you are worth the effort.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Door That I’ve Been Staring At But Can’t Open

I love to learn. I take online course and do free email challenges. I read newsletters and watch people’s live webinars. I continue to gain my understanding of what myself and others can offer the world and why. But all that can not do the one thing I need to get me started. Give me courage. Sometimes the doing is getting past the fear. Sometimes it’s grabbing the door handle.

I watch dumbly as people explain to me the ways I can make my “business” “successful” and “stand out”. But here’s me saying “What business?” Do I want to be a business? Being a business sounds boring and a requires a lot of hoop-jumping and hard work. We creatives are a stubborn silly bunch. But that’s not the full truth of it.

I mentally understand that the world needs me and my message and my passion. Yet sometimes, I feel as if I’m standing at a door staring at the surface. I’ve memorized the cracks and the dirt I see. I’ve read about how you lift your arm and take the handle in your hand and turn the knob clockwise and push the door open. But my arm is incapable of lifting itself to even knock much less presume to open that door. The Door That I've Been Staring At But Can't Open on Shalavee.com

It ‘s as if I’m completely disconnected from the door, any reasons why I should open it, or if my hand and arm are even capable of turning the knob once it’s in my grasp. Not to mention, what if the promised land doesn’t exist on the other side. Paralysis sound familiar?

To say that I’ve got a lot of work to do is an understatement. But what I am proud of is that I seem to know exactly where my dysfunction lies. I know where the work is. And I think that is an immense plus in everyone’s life. Own your roadblock. Be there with the door. Hang a wreath on it. And ask for help over and over again in understanding why it is you need to open it, how you can want to, and for people to be cheering for you when you do open up your door.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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I Return to the Matter of Self-Value

I am always circling around to a question of my self-value. I stop short of setting goals or understanding my purpose for the simple fact that I do not understand my worth. I suspect I’m not alone in this either. So many women are waiting for permission to value themselves.

I picked up a self-development book by Rhonda Britten called Change Your Life in 30 Days, in which one of the daily tasks is to list five acknowledgements of things I’ve accomplished. And this seems to be a good task for refueling the self-value tank. So often, we would acknowledge anyone but ourselves for their contributions. But in crediting ourselves, we have actually added a value chip to our own pile. Continual practice of anything, “self-value-idation” included, will make you better at it. And I truly believe this is exactly where I need all my energy focused. I can’t truly contribute to the world unless I know the value of that contribution.

The next step for me will be to ask for validation from others. While my therapist says this is quite normal, the risk of being rejected and my value being refuted feels like a death wish. Definitely worth noting. But if writing is what I must do for the rest of my life, because the thought of not writing is now impossible, it seems a shame to waste my writing on only my ears. Might as well share it with an audience so that others may feel validated and inspired as well. Two for the price of one.I Return to the Matter of Self-Value on Shalavee.com

What I write is of meaning to me and I value the catharsis of the process. I’m endeavoring to increase my understanding of the value of my writing to know that what I write is everyone’s voice. Simple truths, Aha’s I find as I navigate my days are always of more soul value than any monetary worth. And by sharing them, I process and release them so that others may benefit from them as well.

So if you like what you have read, share it. Email a link to someone, share it on Facebook, or mark it to tell your sister-in-law about. Staying small and quiet has not truly ever benefited me. Nor am I a narcissistic megalomaniac who needs your approval to exist. But I have compassion for all those who feel isolated and alone and I don’t think this serves any one, surely not the next generation or the world. Our existence matters and we need to know it.

Perhaps you have a gift that you undervalue as well? Your thoughts are always appreciated here.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem

Back to my therapy office this week after a long hiatus, I asked my therapist to help me continue to work on my value. That seems to be one area that is slow to move and grow in. Kinda like when we ran out of gas on the highway that one time and even adding 5 gallons wasn’t enough to start the car. (Fuel injection is persnickety that way. I curse gasoline anyway.) Sometimes the progress is imperceptible and doesn’t feel like enough.

Once your supply of esteem gets down below a certain point, I think it takes a lot to pull it back up to a functional place. A lot! And it’s the kinda thing where I think I’ve filled it up and then something big and bad happens and I feel it draining out the holes of my self-doubt and then those little niggling lies that you’ve heard in your head all your life creep back in. And you’re toasty.Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem on Shalavee.com

I thought today how low self-esteem and not valuing your worth is the reason for a lot of the crazy things people do. There are people who create mirages of perfection online so that no one will see they aren’t perfect. There are people who manipulate you to like them by outright lying. And the bullyers are plopping their self-doubt on your head so they don’t have to look at it in their own hats. Nasty people, harassing people, and depressed people are all suffering from the same deficit of self-love. We know what this feels like so you’d think we’d be a little more compassionate?Revisiting the Value of Me : Self-Esteem on Shalavee.com

But when you are staring at your own bleak walls, it’s awful hard to think of anyone else but yourself. And that makes me know that to be of any help in the world, I need to not be operating from this dark place anymore. I can not help the world or anyone else if I don’t have my inner room cleaned up and a little brighter. So I again go in to fight the good fight for truth and value, being my own super hero and asking for the world to mirror me the truth of my worth. Because I think mostly, we are all good and a little broken. And I respect your process to find a better place to be if you aren’t happy where you are.

Who’s with me and where are you? Do you have a problem valuing you too?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

The Value of Doing and Seeing Things Differently

There’s a woman I’m social media friends with who has chosen to engage in a year-long project she has named her Year of Doing Things Differently. When I asked her about this concept, she said she’d seen it in a book at the library. I like this concept a lot.

I always say, “If you change nothing, nothing changes”. The phrase “doing things differently” is just another way of saying change but it sounds better somehow, more enticing. The problem is that our habits are so ingrained, they’re familiar and comfortable and we may honestly think there are no other options or ways to go about it. The Value of Doing and seeing things differently on Shalavee.com

The familiar feeling of being frustrated when I don’t achieve a certain outcome is a sure sign my expected results are at odds with my efforts. I may need to consider more options and bulldoze some of my excuses to make a change. Losing weight falls under this category.

But I’ve also discovered that our thoughts about our lives and capabilities and motivations can fall into a numbing and underwhelming pit for which I can not find an escape. In not seeing my value as an artist or citizen, I see limited or no possibilities for offering my talents to the world. Only in seeing the value of myself, do I find places where I can create and give out my gifts. I am building new value glasses right now.The Value of Doing and seeing things differently on Shalavee.com

I am shifting my understanding of who I am, where I stop, what I know, what I believe, and what I’m capable of. That is me changing my thoughts about how I fit into the world and the power I have. Doing things differently will naturally be followed by feeling differently and thinking differently. Because I’m long overdue for some new views of me and my world that I can proudly hand back to my children and my readers.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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