search
top

Chaos is comfortable to me

After much thought about how to make more time in my schedule to be creative, I decided that I’d approach life more proactively again. I’d schedule meals, blog posts, and laundry so I could write more. And what happened was that I experienced more ease. You have less to do and you get more done. It was a lesson I’ve learned before and knowing this made me uncomfortable.

Fear is so idiotic. Like those highway patrol people with their speed guns, it leaps out into oncoming traffic and has you pull over to the side of the road because you may not have your safety belt on. Then it convinces you that it’s safer out of the car walking. Then you find yourself back at home suddenly convinced that you didn’t need whatever you were setting out in the car to go get. And soon, you are a shut-in.Chaos is comfortable to me on Shalavee.com

I am used to chaos. In fact, I’m a former chaos junkie. I used to think that it was cool to strive and thrive on adrenaline and fear. But then I had kids and that isn’t a great tactic when you are trying to raise them in a calm safe reliable environment. But somehow the winging it thing creeps back into my life after I swore allegiance to intentional pro-activity. And I find myself tired and haggered and not sure what I’m making for dinner at dinnertime.

Every day is an opportunity to start over. So again I started over with meal planning (once you have meals chosen, you can swap them out as you feel inspired). My laundry is only to be done twice a week. A full weeks of blog posts waiting to go out is a good minimum. And every loving thing I need to consider goes into the Google Calendar. Because I don’t need to expect myself to remember everything everyday. I just want to get on to the business of writing. Bigger badder writing is burbling underneath waiting to be seen and heard. And that is a priority worth planning for.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

You Are Not Alone So Find Your Clan and Prove it

There is a noble suffering thing that we seem to do as humans. We freak out when things start to go wrong but somehow we’re convinced that we are the only ones. First time business owners, first time menstruating teenagers, first time Moms, and first time submitting writers all have first time doubts that they feel single them out. Male or female, it feels so personal, scary, and devastating.

Somehow in this world of drive-throughs and Amazon, we’ve forgotten that we are still a group of people. That community being the family household, the neighborhood, the school, the work organization, or the clan that you choose, we are never actually alone. Unless we choose to be.

So what would it take for us to stop being so painfully unique with our problems and reach out? What do we need to know in order to –Boom- alleviate ourselves of our painful personal destinies and share them with one person who would say, “I get it, me too” ?

Ironically, I found a community online when I decided to come out of my shell and be authentic. And then I reached out and made a group within my home community of like-minded women. Being witnessed is some powerful stuff but I had to be willing to be authentic and vulnerable to enjoy the benefits.

Fear is only trying to protect you but it has us making stupid choices and one of those is that you are supposed to keep quiet about your pain. So let’s all just make a promise that we will reach out instead and find at least one person who knows what we are afraid of so that we came feel less afraid. And then find another and another and make a clan of people you can trust whenever anyone feels that again.

That is community living at it’s finest and it is how we will heal ourselves and the world. Within a place where the sum of the parts is a great source of compassion for the the individual. Amen.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Neutrality From Your Fear Takes Practice

I am still figuring out what happened to me last year. I had a rough Fall and an emotional fallout that left me raw and frightened to be myself in ways. The months since have been a time to grieve and reassess and move myself onward.

A year later, I am at the dawning of a new period in my life. I can see what may have happened and I can see what truths and lies I’m telling myself. I thought that my fear was telling me something I couldn’t do but in fact it’s leading me to prove that I can do whatever I want to and that I will keep myself safe in the process.

I have also noticed that just because you have a fearful feeling, it doesn’t automatically prove that there is indeed something wrong. We are missing a volume button on out fear as Elizabeth Gilbert said in her podcast. Fear is all in when it’s engaged. And it’s up to our intellect to discern how grievous and dangerous the situation really is.Third Party Neutrality From Your Fear Takes Practice on Shalavee.com

That is what the rise in meditation and mindfulness is about. It strengthens the skills of our thinking brain to negotiate and mediate our fear brain with a plan. In the end, it’s still the intellect that’s in charge but if you don’t KNOW that, you will believe fear is in charge. This neutrality to your fear takes practice and makes the only difference between staying stuck and moving onward.

Deciding how you respond to your fear episode

is the greatest skill you can master.

Last year, I just stepped back and watched. And I swore that my fear would never run my life again like that. New anti-anxiety drug, new therapist for EMDR therapy, and every single pain in my body addressed by the appropriate doctor. I am suiting up to remount my steed and rush the windmill again. And I’m feeling alive.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Finding my Way out of the Grief Maze

I’d tell you to stop me if you’ve heard this but you probably have heard it and I certainly can’t stop repeating myself. In my post Re-Being Me, I mentioned how I feel like I’m just now coming back from my post tail spin turned time out when I took a seat, dialed it all down, and listened. I’m still listening and now I’m starting to hear hope.

These are the thoughts that are different than the same old ones that tell me I’m not worth it. I’m listening for a way of of this maze in my mind that keeps me feeling like a rat in someone’s fear test.

The opposite of feeling fear is feeling self-trust. Today I laughed out loud when I thought, “no wonder I didn’t trust myself for a while. My behavior that started this landslide in November was unreliable”. Duh. But my child isn’t trusting my child. Where’s my adult in this equation ? Doesn’t she know she’s in charge?

Finding my Way out of the Grief Maze on Shalavee.com

I haven’t felt I had a good footing on what I am happy to offer and what I want to work on until recently. But what I have begun to feel is a hope bubble forming. A space where I am beginning to want things again. A place where the what ifs are beginning to bloom.

Grief, if that is what I went through, takes time and a lot of energy to process. Sorting out the truth of the tale from the falsehoods and letting go of what feels wrong and doesn’t serve me is what I think I’ve been doing. It takes as long as it takes and I am glad to be going through this with the kindness and compassion of so many friends and witnesses here online and at home. Thank You if you’re still reading .

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Our Fear of the Growing Older Pains

I have gone through a lot in the past two years to rid myself of the aches and pains that I garnered from an aging body. I endured needles jammed into my backside multiple times. And then waited cautiously to see if the procedure worked. I waited again to be pain free when I had another needle in my shoulder. I then awaited the pains to return. And waited.

How was it that my ever-exuberant self became to person who sat and waited for pain? What I discovered is that aging is a unknown and therefore fearful. We’ve seen others age and we know any minute now it’s render us useless, quivering pain-riddled shells of our former selves.

I’ve spoken to elderly people who have confirmed that they feel more anxious in their later years. Our minds begin to imagine our decline even when the evidence may or may not support our undoing.

I had a talk with myself the other day and asked myself, when was the last time I had aching belly muscles from a good core workout? Can’t remember. Or why I couldn’t do an hour of cardio at a time? Was pain preventing me or just fear of pain?

We need to heap compassion on ourselves as we age and on the elderly we know. It takes a lot f courage to show up in the ways we used to sometimes. But, unless I am at a three or more of pain and need to return to the doctor’s for yet another shot, I need to get o with the business of being in good shape for 50. I want to feel pride not fear on a daily basis. How about you? Any of this resonate?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

« Previous Entries Next Entries »

top