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Connecting the Parts

Last Summer, I agreed with the small girl inside me that she needed my help to heal. And together, we acknowledged her needs and demands to be allowed to create and play. I participated in creative challenge after creative challenge until reestablished trust with my inner child around the need for play.My adult and child parts were beginning to reconnect.

I have felt a need to heal another part of myself recently. She was the teen me who was so daring, took chances, and showed the world what she was made of. She was intoxicating and dangerous, crafty and self-sufficient. And I’ve been missing her a lot recently. Connecting my parts on Shalavee.com

Seems that we need to acknowledge that we are multifaceted and each part of us formed at different times in our lives, needs to work together as a team. If we don’t, and don’t trust ourselves to play well and negotiate our needs kindly, we will always be at a deficit. I have been working hard for years to understand what it is I’ve been saying to myself and I’m just getting to the point where I am beginning to trust my own choices, my reliability, and my compassion.

There are days I drop words of comfort on myself like falling leaves

and remember that it is enough to be taken care of by myself.” ~ Brian Andreas ~

We are all our own leaders. We need to find a way to work well within ourselves so that we may continue on trusting our own voices telling us what we need, what we’re passionate about, and hearing what others are saying, good and bad, so that we may make the best decisions about what we need to do next. Lead ourselves on through our own personal terrains.

I am not fearless nor fearsome. My fear is there but it need not run the show anymore. It can witness me making these continual choices to be kind to my inner child and embrace the passion of my teen self. And when the time comes for me to be done, I can tell fear thanks for the help but I’m glad I did it my way after all.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Understanding Fear with the Help of Rhonda Britten

I have long been a big fan of Rhonda Britten, one of the life coaches from the Starting Over television series on TLC 15 years ago or so. You can Read about the trick I learned from her co-coach Iyanla Vanzandt in this post titled How To Change Your Life : Feel As If the Thing Has Happened. I recently searched for Ms. Britten and found her amazing work continues inside the Fearless Living Institute where she has a life coach training course as well. I promptly signed up for her emails and requested her book titled Change Your Life in 30 Days from the library. And I am knee-deep into some good stuff now that I thought to share.

My chasing of my tail is maddening. The ideas are there and the joy and the creativity are all a solid part of me. But then, bang, I bump my head into the fear. Or what turns out to be fear disguised in confusion and feelings that make me think there’s something wrong with me when there isn’t.Understanding Fear with the help of Rhonda Britten on Shalavee.com

In her e-book The 25 tricks of Fear which I received for signing up to the emails, Rhonda has briefly provided a new light into what our fear is really doing with us and I must say, it’s a whole different perspective. Within the oldest part of our brains, the amygdala is the fear ring master. Initially the amygdala was wired to keep us safe but now, in the absence of tigers, our anxiety emotion is overused. The fear we feel doesn’t have the decency to be straight up. It hides behind the symptoms of worry, suffering, and hesitation, all making us think it’s our laziness and my lack of focus or talent that has us failing. Emotions become facts become reasons to avoid these triggers…which is essentially anything that makes you uncomfortable.

This is not my incompetency but my reptilian fear brain running the show like the great and powerful Oz behind the curtain. Fear gets me to feel these distraction feelings by whispering lies about my abilities and how I’m perceived. It tells me I’m no good and I’m unacceptable. And then it’s done it’s job to keep me safe, no hard feelings.Understanding Fear with the help of Rhonda Britten on Shalavee.com

Understanding the subterfuge of the fear feels like hope. It’s like pulling back from the movie to realize there’s a screen. Or finding a magic decoder ring. And if there isn’t one thing I consider solid gold emotion, it’s hope. So one step removed is one step gained. I’m over it already and am gathering the next round of knowledge to battle my way back to myself in my own confident armor. There are always new tricks to be learned.

Go here to peruse some great blog posts from Fearless Living.Org and sign up for the newsletters if you want to receive the 25 tricks of fear. I’ll keep sharing my discoveries with you no matter.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Ceasing the Knee-Jerk and Making Mental Room to Move On To

We get very comfortable with the way we manage our lives. We think, “This is how things are and this is what I do.” And this can go on way beyond the life management effectiveness expiration date. Wayyyyy beyond. Like that time I was unhappily married and stayed married. Or those jobs that I kept even though I was miserable. But even our day-to-day functioning can be outdated and we’d have no clue.

We are what we do everyday. And for a very long time, I did things based on fear. I did what I did because I was afraid of running out or being without. I kept on doing because I truly didn’t think there was another way, much less a better way. And I kept on thinking the same sad thoughts about what little I deserved so I never updated my expectations and thus my life’s actions.

Until, I began to truly listen to the dishonor and disruption of my thoughts. I can’t always hear exactly what they are specifically but I can hear what they infer. That if I step out or make waves, I will be squashed like a social bug. That being old and overweight is detestable. That I should have already figured all of this out. Ceasing the knee jerk and making mental room to move on Shalavee.com

All the “can’t” thoughts that make me feel oogy lapping up onto the shore of my psyche like toxic waste. Until I refused to acknowledge them as valid. And then I told myself to stop the cycle. I sat and held my breath and refused to play. And eventually, after this weird space of stubborn almost quiet, it was quiet.

I had stopped my crazy train. I then began to refute, one by one, all my little cants and impossibilities I could. I solved the “there’s nowhere for me to go to create” by making my craft-room cool with a portable air conditioner. I got a babysitter to buy time alone. I read my stuff to see how good I was, and listened to my heart to hear that I was worth the fight to find my happiness. And the waves became calmer and sweeter.Ceasing the knee jerk and making mental room to move on Shalavee.com

I began to create a space beyond where I’d been. A space for possibilities. A space for irony and paradox. A further space for others to be with me and think what they think which doesn’t affect me. There is a trust zone where I am safe being me pursuing what makes me happy which isn’t being barraged by judgements and negativity. I am regularly checking if I need to flood it with compassion for humanity or usher any unwanted ideologies out.

I’ve created a zone for possibilities. I’ve begun to see that with a little planning and proactivity, my life is so much easier than the knee jerk response pattern of my past. And I am my friend now. And this has become my Easy zone I will fiercely protect.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

A Case of the Busyness

My friend and I were having a heart to heart, that spill your overwhelm kinda talk. I’ve heard these words before from both her and myself and of course my suggestion is first to get it all out of your head and on to paper. Lists reorganize and rend the tendrils from you mind so that you may see what you’re truly dealing with. And she said, “Yes, but…”.

But the busy may just be a disguise for the stuck. For the balking of making the deeper more decisive decisions. What if busy is the easy path? We can distract ourselves with busy thereby avoiding the issues that scare us. The choices that might mean change, for good or bad.A Case of the Busyness on Shalavee.com

Our busy has become a subterfuge, a shallow pool to thrash around in and distract us from the exact things that may need more time and more effort but also may bring relief from our perpetual activity and anxiety. Our busy’s a ruse. I eloquently wrote about this state of my being last year here.

So I suggest, pick the one thing that you need to do to make a big difference, in how you feel about your life, in your competence, or in your environment. And then unplug everything (literally or figuratively), set yourself a timer for 20 minutes, referred to as the Pomodoro Technique, and start. Shove fear right on its butt and out of your way and tell yourself you are making a difference today. And when that 20 minutes is up, go pee or get a drink, and set that timer for another 20 minutes and keep going. A Case of the Busyness on Shalavee.com

Today can actually be the most productive day of your life if you only get out-of-the-way of the busy and let it be. I always know the exact thing that scares me the most. And I’m gearing up to do some Don Quixote days soon on that stuff. Would you like to join me and kick some windmill butt too? Tell me here or somewhere what you’re avoiding and let’s all support each other in moving the heck on with it.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

You’re Living the Good Life if You Think You Are

I am a half empty kinda gal. I see everything in my life as slightly bad. I see the clothing in my closet as too tight. I see my body as too white. I see my house as dirty and my furniture shabby. And my career as a big question I should have already answered. Perpetually half empty.

Every day, I will think at some point of how my life sucks. And so it does. We live in the general bubbled feeling of what we perceive. With the not so good news streaming into our conscious minds, we perceive the world as dangerous and doom-filled. A disaster is surely awaiting us and so we gear up for the inevitable disastrous outcome with our cynicism and our lack of spontaneous joy. Deflecting joy is a common trick used by the most prestigious people.You're Living the Good Life if You Think You Are on Shalavee.com

But honestly, life is filled with houses full of inanimate objects and people wrapped up in their own perceived outcomes. We are the ones pumping meaning into our everyday and interaction. What if we had faith the outcome was going to be good? Then we’d manifest it as such. What if your outcome was already a given.

What we expect, we create. And we may need to very intentionally retrain our brains to not go to auto-know already predicting the outcome before there is an outcome. But rather, we could ask ourselves to be a little more creative about imagining our outcomes. Step back out of that negative brain rut and not only look at what’s going right in life and state our gratitude for such, but what possibilities are out there that we’ve not imagined. Because life can be generous with its gifts if we leave room for them. And surprises are awaiting those with the sight to see them coming.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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