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Thank the Process

Our goals and to do lists, those are the signs of progress right? We are supposed to know what we want, plan the steps to meet our goals with a deadline, list out our doable daily increments, and check them off one by one. Easy peasy lemon squeezey. Success is measured in doable daily increments. And we forget the importance of being present in the process. We’ve replaced process with destination.

Yet, focused on the outcome, our fear of not achieving this can halt us mid-process. When we are soooo invested in the outcome, vulnerable enough to be completely stopped by our pitfalls, and so set on the perfection of accomplishments, we may overlook those moments of our lives in which our life truly happens. The opportunistic moments of lessons to be learned. The slant of the sunlight or the unmistakable shift in our feelings towards our lives and the people within them. Scariest of all, we may mistake our fears as a sign that this direction is not for us even when yesterday it totally was.

Thank the Process on Shalavee.com

If I allow for the process within the progress, if I thank the process for transforming me while I was “making Progress”, what would that give me? I’d say it would give me context and gratitude you can’t find on any to do list. We can deepen our progress by savoring the process. Let’s collect our tidbits, our lessons, our insights, our grief, and keep moving on toward what makes us feel scared and awesome.

We can deepen our progress by savoring the process.

Were you to allow yourself to persist through and beyond the fear, you’d find that the fear is fleeting. And the accomplished feeling of the follow through, unbelievably uplifting. The fear will fade and what you are left with is the progress, the growth that happened during the process. What you are left with is your self-pride for attempting the thing you feared.

What have you done in spite of your fears that left you feeling proud of your process? What are you shying away from because you think the fear is a sign it’s a bad idea? Share here or somewhere.

 

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Acceptable Fears

Walking into my house today, I acknowledged that there is no anxiety here today. I am enjoying the time I’ve myself today and most days, to be off. Off of the addiction to the emotional roller-coaster that anxiety addiction was. And off from those auto-fear thoughts that caused them. Feeling fear-free and wondering, are there acceptable fears?

Don’t get me wrong, a couple of weeks ago I had some sort of doubt storm that I knew was some old script being challenged. And I know when I feel that familiar feeling of unwellness, fear is present. In fact if you give me any scenario of unrest, I can tell you fear’s at the bottom of it.Acceptable Fears at Shalavee.com

Which brought me to a question. Is there an acceptable fear? Yes, I think natural fears of shark attacks, charging bears, or being untethered at a great height are acceptable fears. They will certainly keep you more alive and capable of continuing your bloodline on this earth. But fear of failure? Not really.

It’s just that our brains are wired in this weird way that starts with the primitive and works its way out. So the fear brain gets to be in charge until we out-think it. So here’s to out-thinking it this week. When you get jealous or timid or have a day of the doldrums, I would like you to ask yourself “Why” five times. Ask of yourself five times “Why it is that don’t feel quite right” and see if you don’t come up with a “Because I’m afraid of” somewhere in there. And then write it down.Acceptable Fears at Shalavee.com

My hope is that when we uncover our fears, strip them naked on a page, and then hand them to someone, they will begin to dissipate. That their acceptability will wane. And we will find that our happiness, our needs, and our humanity would like us to continue to do the things that make us happy. Yes please and no thank you fear, you’re a party pooper.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Fear of Failure

Fear has becomes such a buzz word, I think we no longer understand where it resides in our own lives. Our auto-pilot is engaged and we may not even recognize when fear steps in to drive. But unless we’ve done tremendous amounts of self-work, it’s definitely in us, sometimes making our choices or causing depression or a creating a number of other dysfunctional outcomes. Fear blankets our vision, it knows everything we know and so we aren’t always aware it’s always ready to intervene on our behalf.

I am someone who embraces self-knowledge (obviously) and yet, until someone describes specific behavior to me that is fear-based, I’d never know that it’s my ghost driver. In a recent online class I took, the instructor/coach Rhonda Britten describes all the symptoms of fear of failure. And I thought I’d share the ones that struck truest for me.My Fear of Failure on Shalavee.com

Present Symptoms/untruths of my Fear of Failure include :

  1. A reluctance to try new things.
  2. I absolutely figure out ways to distract myself and not follow through with my goals, sometimes using my children as an excuse.
  3. I definitely say “I’ll never be able to”do such and such.
  4. I believe that success determines my value and my worth is based on my accomplishments.
  5. I choose to get distracted by busy work to avoid the work that I need to do to move forward.

Former Symptoms I exhibited but have found my way away from include:

  1. I used to outright procrastinate but not so much these days.
  2. I don’t have deep of anxiety spells where I feel like I was falling down a hole inside myself.
  3. I mostly let go of my perfectionism at 50 but I used to get wound up over getting things “right”, although by whose standards I’ll never know.
  4. I am caring less and less what people think as I figure out that sometimes the effort is more than half of how impressive you are.

The tricky thing that fear does is that it makes you think there’s something wrong with you. You feel you can’t control the outcome you think you should have. No you aren’t in control because you are giving all the perspective and senses over to the fear brain which makes no sense whatsoever. Truthfully, you are no more incapable than so many other people. Your pre-written stories of imminent failure are just stories to keep you “safe” from failing which somehow will be your demise. Except that everything we do we’ve failed at before we’ve succeeded. Failure is a necessity.

But what really got my attention is this fact:

Fear of failure harbors the fantasy that somehow there is a formula for guaranteed success.

There are a lot of online thought leaders who are selling the perfect ways to do everything. To start a business online, to brand yourself, to build community, and to publish that great American novel. And the hook is that perfect formula. If you were just savvy enough or skinny enough or had enough friends, you would be a “success”. They pray on your fear with this fallacy.

Seems what we really need is practice at failing. And a whole heaping lot of love for ourselves and everyone in the world who has fear guiding their choices. Everywhere you see people not acting right, it’s usually fear that is to blame. And when we panic or become depressed, number one thing we need is our own self-compassion. To recognize ourselves as humans who sometimes fail. Heap some loving kindness on those perceived wounds and go right back in and prove that we certainly can do that which we have yet to figure out how to do. We only need to start.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Self Creation by Avoidance of What you Fear You’ll Become

I was washing dishes this morning and it occurred to me that I may actually be basing my journey of becoming me on not wanting to be certain qualities. That I’m attempting to become myself by avoiding becoming something else. And that struck me as kinda stupid.

Where I’d agree, knowing what you don’t want is as important as knowing what you do want, I think becoming by avoidance sounds like fear may be driving. And once fear is in the driver’s seat, your public transportation vehicle is then careening all over the road because fear doesn’t make good rational decisions and doesn’t heed the rules.

Because I don’t want to make the same mistakes my parents did” might sound like a reasonable excuse not to start a family but it’s not on the up and up. It’s completely excluding all the benefits of having that kind of love in your life and adding it to the world.Creating Yourself By What You Don't Want to Be on Shalavee.com

These are the “don’t want to’s” that are gumming up my works. I don’t want to start something I can’t finish. I don’t want to seem to be some kinda of know-it-all when I’m not. I don’t want to act like/be perceived as a narcissist. I don’t want to make anything I’m doing about money. I don’t want to make anything more important than my children. My fear has all the bases covered for making no progress with very pragmatic sounding excuses.

We all have the final power to create and recreate ourselves and our stories all the time. But fear-based self creation serves no one. If I pursue my passions and my children miss me for a night or two while I take care of my project or am out-of-town, that will make us all appreciate each other more. If I limit my reach and my connections with the wider world because I’m afraid of taking on too much, I’ll dial it back when it begins to be too much.Creating Yourself By What You Don't Want to Be on Shalavee.com

Staying small has never benefited anyone. And people who believe in who I am and what I am saying will also get my true intentions and my integrity. Those who don’t, won’t. Perhaps it’s those exact people I need to have faith in to guide me through my fear decisions and tell me the truth. Because my friends and family know I can even when I don’t think I can. I want to know what they already do.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Doubt Storm

I’m not unfamiliar with the doubt storm. It was always stormy where I grew up. And yet thankfully, all the hard self-work I’ve done, all the trust and safety I’ve built within myself and all the amazing creative tasks I’ve taken on have brought me geegobs of self-esteem. I have started to hear “I can” in my ear.

Until I hit a doubt storm. Again. And then I wake up to a shipwreck on fear island and no understanding of how to leave. Little fear-lets sitting at my feet hungry for more stories about how I can’t and how scary the world is.Doubt Storm on Shalavee.com

Crises of confidence are commonplace for me. You’d think I’d have a steadfast plan for these times. A lever to pull in case of emergencies, a numbered step manual on what to do in case of an ego emergency. But it seems like I come fresh to the table every time with my lack of knowledge and loads of fear.

So I usually acknowledge it. I let it do its thing a little while, write a little in my journal, and call it the BS that it is. Then I go searching for ways to counterbalance it. To bring myself back up out of the fear muck and back to where I belong at the oars of my creativity craft taking on the next journey. OK that’s cheesy but you get it.Doubt Storm on Shalavee.com

I found something today. A small speech by a truly lovely woman hosting a series of inspirational letters for creative women and entrepreneurs. And this is what she said. It is never about the destination and always about the journey. There is no happy montage in the middle of your life and then POOF you’re changed into that girl!

Instead it’s about following you creative passions and inklings step by step. It’s about starting. And it’s about knowing that you being you doing your thing will inspire other people to be them and do their things. Because the world needs that now and always.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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