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Nothing Changes New Year’s Day, or Does It

I believe that everything can change on New Year’s Day and yet, I also believe it doesn’t. I believe if you change nothing, nothing changes. I also believe that if you have a change of heart, everything changes, and that can happen every single day of the year. Nothing changes on New Year's Day on Shalavee.comNothing changes on New Year's Day on Shalavee.com

Faith and Hope are boundless and can change everything and this change can happen any day of the year regardless if it’s a Tuesday or the moon is Full. We are such immense and amazing products of what we believe and are infinitely more powerful than we recognize and believe. Nothing changes on New Year's Day on Shalavee.com

So here’s to upping the ante on what you believe your life and potential is worth in this coming year. And to gathering your support closer to hold you accountable to the wonderful outcome that this could bring. I am wishing this for you and for me, that you are what keeps me aligned and courageous and hopeful for what I can and will bring this coming year.

Happy New Year!!!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Thinking Through the Fear

I was sure there had to be another way of thinking of this. I was tired of being terrified of beginning my submission process again. There had to be a way that I could see and understand my fear that would make it OK. I needed to reframe it. And so I thought and thought as I drove the hour and a half home from Baltimore last night.

You see, while having our birthday lunch a month ago, my best friend looked me in the eye and made me promise I’d start submitting my writing again. She said my stuff is as good as anyone’s out there publishing now on the same subjects. She likened my writing to life coach Martha Beck’s. I’m slightly speechless. And this is what best friends are for.Thinking through the fear on Shalavee.com

Publishing my personal essays in magazines and online publications has been a longtime goal of mine. And after repeated attempts to publish my stuff in the wrong places, I gave up. It was too hard and felt too raw. The rejection felt like being outcast and that wasn’t fun. So last night I again questioned myself as to why I have wanted to do this and what my fear really was. And I discovered the truth and the way around it in my answer.

You see, when you are thinking that your life’s work is all about you and your ego, you are easy prey for the fear of rejection. It’s always personal. But when I started to think of the good that my writing has done even so far, the permission that it has given people to do brave things, I realize it is of me but it is not mine altogether. Like a child, you need to set it free for the world to enjoy. In making it about me. I’ve lost sight of what’s important. The writing is the most important thing.

I have found a purpose in my passion. I am here to tell my story and in sharing it, if it helps one other person than it’s worth the work and risk and fear to have done so. I have heard the thirty or so people who have told me to keep going, keep writing what they’re thinking. As I said before, I need to submit…to the process that I now understand is part of a larger plan I can not see. As long as I make it about me, I stay small. The fear is about being rejected. But really it’s about being accepted. I am afraid of discovering that I spent all this time hiding and controlling my talent for fear of nothing.

Thinking through the fear on Shalavee.com

Staying small is no longer an option. It was OK that while I grew as a writer, I stayed small. My blog was a tiny universe where I told my truths and culled my skills as a writer. But the time has come, my 50th year I suppose was the doorway to the next phase, when I need to risk being a bigger better me. Although the faith is wobbly, I am doing the next thing and the next thing. And making it about my readership. I am devoting myself to to my best work for the people who enjoy reading me. For my future book lovers, I am committing to making them proud, giving them the words that they want to pour over and highlight and quote. Because I sometimes see that what I write is even 30% better than what I thought it was.

Before the end of the year, there will be big changes in my blog. Keep your eyes wide open my lovely readers.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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What if It Was a Given

I was speaking to a very favorite Lady friend of mine about all the things I’m paralyzed to do. Certain I can’t do them for lack of time or technological knowledge, I put off even trying these things while envying everyone else who seems to be able to just trudge onward and get them done. She said she’d heard someone say, “What if you were imprisoned and had all the time in the world?” How would you approach your task then? “What if it was a given?” I thought.

First, it seems to me that not having permission or empowerment to move forward with any dream is in fact an imprisonment of its own. You are trapped in your “I can’t cage”, unable to move for lack of resources, lack of time, or lack of money. And for me, lack of technical experience thwarts my dreams even though it would seem I know a bit with all the blog stuff I’ve endured.

what if it was a given on Shalavee.com

But all these lack excuses are just subterfuge for the real excuse: fear. Simply, if I make this effort and it flops, how much of a fool will I look? Or if I do this and it succeeds, how much more stress will I add to my life? My excuses are just ways to overthink myself out of the risk of being ashamed I’d even tried and failed.

But what if it was a given? What if the thing that you wanted to do was already predestined. If the scroll was written and you no longer had to be responsible for whether or not you were to manifest your destiny. If it just were already a fact. Then you might be curious to find out, despite your shortcomings of resources, how you’d made it happen. Like knowing how the mystery ends but not knowing how it unfolded. Would I be curious enough to want to write the miraculous middle?what if it was a given on Shalavee.com

It will happen. With assuredness never before held, I could just know it will happen. That’s a kind of faith in my life which I’ve never had before. Yet, everything I have wanted that I knew would make me happy, I have manifested. So it would go to reason that if I really want it, if it really needs to happen in my life, it will. No mount of worrying about whether it will or not ever really made a difference. It was the conscious effort to connect my dots, despite my fears, that did. Knowing that whatever is best for your life and you is just meant to be.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Addiction Pimps Out Your Anxieties to Feed its Need

Fear, anxiety, and addiction work together in a hooker and pimp relationship. In order to quell the fear of death or abandonment, an addiction was created to cope. Not the truth necessarily but our primitive brains think it is. The addiction is then an alleviation of the fear of something that isn’t true. Often the substance or act releases the calming hormones in our brains that we are also addicted to releasing. So addiction relies on anxiety to amp up the fear trigger and give it a reason to feed. Fear’s lie is that if you don’t quell it, you’ll die. A shortcut and circle has been made. Anxiety equals feed or die and repeat.

Fear’s lie is that if you don’t quell it, you’ll die.

Breaking the cycle however, may actually be the only way to in fact survive. Quelling the anxiety medicinally with an anti-depressant helps immensely to clear the brain from rapid fire lies but the battle to retrain these repetitive malicious thoughts is the true war winner. Augusten Burroughs, in his book Dry, referred to the addiction as a sort of hungry beast that will always seek to quell itself and recreate reasons to be in peril. Always. Until the fears that cause it stop. The image he created struck me as the addiction is a dark beast with a controlling mind of its own. It makes nice normal people do crazy things because they are convinced they will die otherwise. Refuting the lies is the only hope. And that is where I discovered the beauty of Cognitive Therapy. Conscious and mindfulness used to their greatest potential. Addiction on Shalavee.com

Practice Cognitive Therapy on yourself. Refute one lie, one cognitive distortion, at a time. Be wise.

Will you always be a loser?

Will you never get what you need?

Does everyone you meet think you are a bad person?

Look hard at those thoughts. It’s possible that occasionally any of those thoughts may be true but they’re not always true. Tell yourself the truth that you find. Believe that feelings are not always facts. What do we achieve by swamping ourselves with tsunamis of self-hate and judgement? When the truth may be a trickling brook that you may be able to easily step over and continue your life journey. Why is cruelty and condemnation our first thought, our default? The quickest route to wrapping up our worth on earth and delivering ourselves to the garbage heap every day by noon.

What do we achieve by swamping ourselves

with tsunamis of self-hate and judgement?

Fear, anxiety, and the addictions they create keep you from living, from hoping, and from moving. You are standing on the shoulder of the road of life while people are passing you who owned their choices and chose life over death or misery. You wouldn’t wish that fate on anyone so why are we living this fear loop for years? Because we don’t recognize our choice to choose hope. Addiction on Shalavee.com

Your life is what you choose to do with it. And know that when you choose misery and hopelessness, that is still a choice. When I realized that’s what I’d been choosing for myself, that I’d served a life’s sentence and incarcerated myself for having a soul unworthy of love, I grieved. Hard. And then I went about figuring out the choices I could make that would be the opposite. Like happiness and adventure and family. And tons of Hope. I gave myself permission to hope. And I’m still high on it. I believe in it with so much of my heart that I hope it spills out onto other people. And that is one of the few best reasons why I write and try to do any and all of what I do. For you to find one small spark of hope that can light the flame under the worthy fire of your hopeful future.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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My Worth on this Earth : Should vs. Wanna Be

I hit a bumpy patch recently where I had to stop myself dead in my tracks. I was drowning in my own good ambitious intentions. And it wasn’t even August yet. So I pulled the plug on myself to reevaluate my priorities. Because knowing what you don’t want is as good as knowing what you do. My inherent worth on the planet was being mugged by shoulds.

I’ve journaled a lot recently and sorting out what I think I see going on. This doesn’t mean I’ll have kicked this recurring habit, this brain hiccup I’m accustomed to having, but I’m closer to calling it the should trap that it is at least.

Seems my drive and ambition to succeed are really just me

trying to prove my worth on this earth.

I am desperate to prove I have a purpose because

I secretly I suspect that I have none. WOW!

My worth in this earth on Shalavee.com

I could feel the fear lapping at my ankles. Misting over my thoughts to avoid letting me get to the bottom of this recurring nightmare. Having had a father who was very ambitious, much to the detriment of our family, I’ve lived the bad effects of ambition. However, I clearly know I want to do work that fulfills my soul and calls me to it. I do not want to do work to impress people but to see what else I can add to the world’s worth by doing it. And to see who I can become by doing this work. If people are impressed, all the better.

While fear pushes, vision pulls.

This is a concept given to me recently by Anna Lovind, a creative coach and wise sage. I can reframe and base my future on what makes my heart sing instead of trying to control the unwanted outcome. And I decide whether the shoulds I’m shoving onto my platter to devour are distasteful. Do they or don’t they represent my purpose? Or am I afraid of fulfilling the potential I have long been swallowing ?My worth in this earth on Shalavee.com

The conflict I’m experiencing, the push and the pull, is all about fear. Fear I’m crap, what I make and write is crap and isn‘t worth publishing. That I have nothing of worth to give. Or that once I start to truly give, I won’t be able to stop and people will expect it of me. Come to think of it, having someone expect me to continue is not too bad a thing. That’s accountability that keeps me blogging or vlogging.

If you maintain integrity with your own happy purpose, people to then expect you to do your best work out of love. C’mon now, that sounds like Heaven to be able to be more you and have people enjoying it and be inspired by it. Now that I put it that way, I’ll have to sit fear down and let her know, she’s getting in my way and if she could have a seat in the corner, that’d be great. We have fun we need to get on to.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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