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Permission

It’s OK to not know what you’re doing. To not know how to do it perfectly. How it will work out or turn out. Or even not to know how start.
You assume EVERYONE must know but you. They don’t. They were busy thinking you knew.
And rather than look a fool in front of all of those people, you choose just to not.

To not engage, to not risk, not advance, and to not grow.
Then you stand there in your own shadow disappearing, your soul dying. You sacrificed it to the fear of not knowing.
That would be me not writing for all those years.

And being so fearful of having the second baby I wanted, it took me to the very last-minute to do so.
So DO something, anything, in spite of the fear, even if it’s wrong.
Head into your life with intention having no idea where you’ll end up, engaged in the process of living. And you’ll absolutely without a doubt end up somewhere you never expected to go.
And you’ll like it.
This morning at breakfast, I said, “Anything worth IT is worth the effort”,as we ate our slightly crunchy homemade wheat biscuits and passed a baby back and forth.
I’ll be 47 in a week. I just had a baby. I’m writing. Life’s not at all what I expected.

I’m not popular nor am I wealthy. I work hard every day. And when I do something particularly tough or time-consuming or dreadful, that is the exact thing that I feel most proud of.

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8 Responses to “Permission”

  1. Oh, precious baby! That’s a sweet picture. This is a beautiful post, Shalagh. I couldn’t agree more. We don’t know where we’re going, so we might as well take the risks and do what we want even if we’re not even sure what THAT is. I hope I made sense.

    • Shalagh says:

      Complete sense. I feel like with the babies, there’s no guide books to the writing and becoming a writer. And so my brain locks up with the not knowing what to dos. My husband says, do something, even if it’s wrong. I am espoused to him and that concept. Thank you so very much for showing up dear Amy.
      Love,
      Shalagh

  2. Y says:

    This reminds me of a poem my Dad wrote about not ever ‘traveling any road’ was *one* way to have ‘destiny’ decided for you. Glad you’ve come to know and feel this and that you’re feeling at peace with where you’re at! xxx

  3. Dig Gillespie says:

    By some definitions you are not popular or wealthy, not the ones that matter though.

    • Shalagh says:

      I will cherish that comment forever. Or as long as I keep paying Go Daddy to host this sucker. I like you when you’re serious and thoughtful.
      Love,
      Shalagh

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