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Living the Life I Saw I Wanted

After I was immersed in online communities for a long enough time, I began to see there were different ways of being and seeing. I wanted to understand what it meant to be mindful, compassionate, free from anxiety, and looking forward to my future as an artist. I wanted to see my life and my existence in these new ways because, up until then, I had not experienced or ever thought of these ideas.

I have always been a learner and a searcher. And I was discovering entire communities that believed and were living these concepts. These ways of living brought them joy, ease, and hope. And I wanted to be a card carrying member.Living the Life I Saw I Wanted on Shalavee.com

So I hung out and watched, took risks, learned, and got burned. I shared what I was trying, seeing, feeling, and failing at. And year after year, I became part of an immense community of like-minded people. With much trepidation, I led projects that focused on creativity and soul work. I struggled and moved slowly. I spoke my truths and felt heard.

When I finally conceded that all the cognitive work hadn’t kept me from falling into a pit of anxiety, I asked for anti-anxiety meds. This was the pivotal point when I laid down the foundation for all that work to finally stick. My fear was so strong and the pathways so well-trod that none of my work would allow my brain to open those final doors.Living the Life I Saw I Wanted on Shalavee.com

In the months that followed, I started to notice that the quieting of the persistent whispers of fear left space for me to truly comprehend and apply all the learning I had collected. I began to administer compassion to me and my loved ones. I began to be extremely aware of my every moment with my children. Mindfulness was making a whole lot of sense to me. And with all of this, I was building my self trust. The primary component for a sense of ease and hope I have longed for all of my life.

I still have the beautiful intelligent powerful community that I grew with all this time. And I am able to share these thoughts and epiphanies with them and gain new connections with people who are moving in the same directions as me. I believe that I not only belong with these people and they make me a better me, I belong to my easy-going compassionate hopeful self as well.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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