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Do You Have a Reliable Dialogue With You?

(Do you want to hear me reading this to you? Go to the bottom and press the soundcloud button)

My biggest shift in increasing my confidence and reducing my anxieties daily was when I paid attention to my relationship with myself. More specifically, I listened to my inner dialogue and watched if I trusted myself. And what I realized was that I didn’t have a good relationship with me. I didn’t respect myself. Deep down I never believed what I said about what my boundaries or goals were. Basically, my inner parent and my inner child had a bad relationship. And that is what I’ve busily been endeavoring to heal.

Do You Have a Reliable Dialogue With You? on Shalavee.com

My child wanted to be free to play. My parent wanted her to please others and comply. There was a lot of work and no play and anxieties. My inner child didn’t trust I’d get a proper reward for my efforts as my word to myself was no good. And it felt a lot like being imprisoned in a bunch of what ifs and shoulds when the world outside seemed to offer other options that I wasn’t offering myself.

 

So I began to notice exactly when I was uncomfortable, nervous, and anxious. I found it was mostly when I was trying to influence other people’s opinion of me, which I would never know unless I could read minds. Then I decided to stop and ask myself, what would make me happy instead? My inner child would sigh with relief and point me in a better direction. I repeated this process over and over. I reached out to people to find out what they saw in me that was good and made me the character they appreciated. And I am gradually reforming a new opinion of myself. One that doesn’t suck but is wealthy with knowledge and love and trust.Do You Have a Reliable Dialogue With You? on Shalavee.com

 

Now, when I feel like I need time with my friends or a self-care activity like a pedicure, I make sure to schedule it ASAP. The message to myself is that I’m worth it. It’s a message I would certainly want my daughter to receive. And perhaps both my daughter and my inner child are benefiting from this new and profound shift of self-trust. That is as it should be. I am her mirror and I want her image to be as whole as possible as I witness her becoming whatever it is she will make herself into.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Grabbing the Opportunity to Not Betray Myself

(Want to listen to me read this? check out the Soundcloud box at the bottom of the post)

I said I’d write and/or edit. I’d take the opportunity to make a piece of art with all this free time daycare provides me. But it would be so easy to blow myself off. Since I’m distracted after all, I might as well just do my laundry instead of sitting down to write or create. There’s always tomorrow and the day after. And every time I go and do that, I let myself down. I substantiate my unworthiness.

 

We can be such unreliable parents to ourselves. We mean no harm. There is in fact a lot we’re juggling and our priorities can get confused. But in the end, I know I chose fear over my creativity when I do that. I’m not fooling myself.

 Grabbing the Opportunity to Not Betray Myself on Shalavee.com

I might as well stand up and shout out the window, “I’m unworthy !!!”. Of spending time on and with. Of the dreams that I have hidden in my smallest pockets. Of the tender words and thoughts that deserve to be shared so that others may be allowed to say “Ahhh” or “Aha” or “thank you for putting words to how I feel”.

 

If I don’t gently and courageously nudge and urge my fearful self to stand in the light and say what I need to say with my words and my pictures then what I’m saying is that I’m unworthy of being heard. And I don’t think that’s true.Grabbing the Opportunity to Not Betray Myself on Shalavee.com

 

So, for myself and all the others that have yet to find the courage, I will show up today for myself. And Listen to what it is I have to say.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Creativism

Olivia Sprinkel is an online connection/friend and introduced me to this concept of Creativism. After looking it up, I believe I already embrace and live this way. According to Orna Ross,the author and source of a series of books on this subject, ”Creativism is the adoption of creative principles and practices as a way of life, applying the creative process to everything.” It’s the adoption of the idea of recreation and connection applied to life. “Creativists say, there is a creative flow unfolding all the things and experiences in the world. I am a part of that. The best way to live is to align with that flow, to ride the wave.” And they say,” I’m in charge, I am responsible for what unfolds in my life”.

But it was in Olivia’s own Manifesto , The Creativist Manifesto : Consumer or Creativist ?, that I really began to understand the yin and yang, the masculine of the was we live now prioritizing consumerism and buying power, the masculine, over creativity and creating our worlds and life outcomes , the feminine.

creativism on Shalavee.com

In order to be a creativist, you can’t be following someone else’s rule book or blaming your life’s outcome on anyone else. Ms. Ross says, ” (Creativists) We spend much time cultivating an internal open space so that our truest needs are what concerns us. It is to these true wants that we give our time and life energy and we let the rest go.” Live by your own truths? Absolutely. Which is not to say we live solely for ourselves either. Because that’s the economic/money based system’s downfall. Greed. instead, as a creativistic society, we live and aspire collectively and join with others in the pursuit of these truths as the collaborative creative project of life.

If there is anything wrong with this way of thinking, I don’t see it. It seems idealistic and utopian and aligned with all my values. I already began to think about this concept in my piece about Non-Negotiable Creative Soul Living Here. As a creativist, you commit to allowing for and helping to create beauty, trust, honesty, and abundance in your world. Miss Ross suggests this can lead us to an economy that recognizes an individual and a collective, male and female, the tangible and the intangible, that is beyond consumerism. Create these conditions in your own life and you can then create them in the world. Apply this to whatever it is that you want to create.

creativism on Shalavee.com

I love and am equally terrified by the thought of our boundless potential for possibility and change. I know that within me are all the tools and the potential for higher thoughts than I practice having now. I will be checking out author Orna Ross’s Go Creative! It’s Your Native State, when it comes out. Her other title I love too, You’re Not Crazy, You’re Creative. And I highly recommend reading Olivia Sprinkel’s Creativist Manifesto Here.

I love discovering new concepts about creativity. Anyone else ever heard of Creativism?

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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Our Beloved Trees

Trees are being torn down in my neck of the woods to “make way”.  Progress takes no prisoners. Multitudes have silently died for the sake of the broadening highway that takes folks to the ocean. They break and fall and are left in their bare stump shame while the surveyors in orange vests plan the earth moving and paving due to upset traffic patterns for years to come.

Our Beloved trees on Shalavee.com

My pen and ink of our house and tree for our wedding invitations

When they paved my street, comments were made that the tree in front of my house was expendable. Much to my delight, their asphalting didn’t damage our sycamore. But on a weekday this past month, a man came to our door and informed my husband that they were trimming tree limbs along this route/state owned road and four of my sycamore’s limbs were destined to be amputated.  But two of them were already dead, capiche? My tree now only has limbs at the second story roof-line.

I came home and began to rant in the driveway,”Don’t they understand! Without branches, there are no leaves! No leaves means no air. How do you get air to breath if you keep lopping down trees? While I see them planting crowded sacrificial mini forests along roadsides, I can only hope that someone’s creating more trees in other places.Our Beloved Trees on Shalavee.com

Mankind has a funny way of always wanting to control what it can’t. My neighbors used to cut down bushes and trees all the time to allow them to grow back better. But I secretly know that we too have done away with unplanned trees that crowded our property. Humans revel in our ownership of nature and love the way it feels to completely rearrange and destroy it. Control is an unreliable king.

Man—man and woman—can create by planting seeds, by producing material objects, by creating art, by creating ideas, by loving one another. In the act of creation man transcends himself as a creature, raises himself beyond the passivity and accidental-ness of his existence into the realm of purposefulness and freedom … To create presupposes activity and care. It presupposes love for that which one creates. How then does man solve the problem of transcending himself, if he is not capable of creating, if he cannot love?

There is an answer to this need for transcendence: if I cannot create life, I destroy it. To destroy life makes me also transcend it … Thus the ultimate choice for man,inasmuch as he is driven to transcend himself, is to create or destroy, to love or to hate.”

Erich Fromm

Yet, nature will dismiss us. It will outlive us. Ever heard George Carlin’s bit about the Earth and Plastic? I was never a tree-hugger until now. I despise driving a gas-powered vehicle now that I know what I didn’t before. And I found myself concerned/anxious and overwhelmed by what seems to be the world’s mismanagement of food after reading something very knowledgeable and scientific in a magazine. I know that one day the devices and equipment necessary to enable me to use electricity and solar power will be available to heat my house and power my vehicle. And until then, as John Mayer sings, I am waiting on the world to change.

I am planning to plant some trees in the next five years and I will take a detour around the construction and demolition of the trees on the highway until it’s safe to traverse and not feel guilty of being a human anymore. And I miss the limbs of my sycamore.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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How Summer Did Not Start Out Like Plummeting Space Junk

(If you’d like to listen to me read this post, there’s an audio recording at the bottom of the post. Scroll down and Just press play and Soundcloud will do the rest)

In Summers past, I have entered the season like a plummeting piece of space junk. My landings are often fast and furious, and usually neurotic and messy. I even posted a warning to myself last year in case I’d forgotten what craziness Summer usually brings me. But if I told you this Summer’s first week was uneventful, would I believe it?

Let me fill you in on what miracles I arranged for myself prior to the start of this Summer. I had Summer camps paid for and shot records delivered in March. I asked our babysitter to pinch hit for two days per week so that I could have creative alone time at home and Fiona could have one-on-one time with someone. And I went and bought me a portable air-conditioner to plop in my craft room thus eliminating the excuse that it was too hot to create or write. I wrote about this last Week in a post titled A Controlled Creative Climate.How Summer Did Not Start Out Like Plummeting Space Junk on Shalavee.com

 

I made space and possibility for myself so that I could get to catching up and creating immediately. And it has made me almost a nervous wreck. Because easier sometimes isn’t … until it is.

 

Over oatmeal this morning, my husband says,”So things are going really good for you right? What with the extra time and the space?” and I say, “Not so much”. And I explain to him that I feel a different kind of whacky. And he says,”Oh, it’s the blank check syndrome”, and I smile and ask him what that is. He says,”You have all the money and time and permission in the world and you’re stuck because there’s no limitations.” And I’m saying, “Yes! That’s it” before he’s even finished.

I made space and possibility for myself so that I could get to catching up and creating immediately.

And it has made me almost a nervous wreck.

I have had limitations and restrictions on me all my life. Being confined and miserable is where I am most comfortable. It’s the happiness set point and most of my life, it’s been set in the unhappiness zone. Now I have the possibility to move out of that zone and I don’t know how to deal with it or feel about it…again. I know that I’ve been here before and I’m currently searching for the right mindset to live in so that I can relax into this boon I have given myself and stop chewing on my lip. Last Fall, my therapist and I talked about how happiness makes me nervous . I’m glad I have a blog to search my own terms and breakthroughs ! How Summer Did Not Start Out Like Plummeting Space Junk on Shalavee.com

So I continue to stay watchful of myself and am creating everyday in my newly cooled quiet craft room. It has only been a week since Summer has started and there’s quite a few more weeks to go. I am grateful that my process is being upgraded every year and hoping to share some of our happy Summer moments and my creative breakthroughs with you throughout.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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