(Want to listen to me read this? check out the Soundcloud box at the bottom of the post)
I said I’d write and/or edit. I’d take the opportunity to make a piece of art with all this free time daycare provides me. But it would be so easy to blow myself off. Since I’m distracted after all, I might as well just do my laundry instead of sitting down to write or create. There’s always tomorrow and the day after. And every time I go and do that, I let myself down. I substantiate my unworthiness.
We can be such unreliable parents to ourselves. We mean no harm. There is in fact a lot we’re juggling and our priorities can get confused. But in the end, I know I chose fear over my creativity when I do that. I’m not fooling myself.
I might as well stand up and shout out the window, “I’m unworthy !!!”. Of spending time on and with. Of the dreams that I have hidden in my smallest pockets. Of the tender words and thoughts that deserve to be shared so that others may be allowed to say “Ahhh” or “Aha” or “thank you for putting words to how I feel”.
If I don’t gently and courageously nudge and urge my fearful self to stand in the light and say what I need to say with my words and my pictures then what I’m saying is that I’m unworthy of being heard. And I don’t think that’s true.
So, for myself and all the others that have yet to find the courage, I will show up today for myself. And Listen to what it is I have to say.
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