In the middle of writing in my journal this morning, thinking about my next round of tasks, I felt a sudden twitch. It was a should. I thought… instead of just floating about, I should have a plan on which way I’m sailing my blog boat. Everyone else seems to have one… And then I stopped myself and wrote this on my journal page, “ There’s a should. It came and stuck itself to the page. It’s like a hole for feelings of accomplishment to leak out.” Indeed.
No quicker way to take the wind out of your sails or cut yourself off at figurative knees than to compare your progress to others and to an unknown but infinitely better destination than the one you are occupying now. As long as this place in time or in your process isn’t good enough, you are doomed to feelings of inadequacy.
And I get the feeling that at its core, should also discounts all progress and only focuses on what you have yet to do. Or have begun to regret not doing. I’ve often have a problem acknowledging my real accomplishments continuously looking to the future. After realizing I’m a overfocused industrious type, I have come to understand that the simplicity of celebration is precious and clears the board to begin again. And a mindless should can steal away the joy and pride of anything I’ve done. So I double dog dare that word to come around again or I’ll gut it again and show it up for the sneaky undermining bastard it is.
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