As a new blogger, I knew I wanted to write and be read. And I wanted it all to happen right now. Happen naturally? Ha! Now, now, now with no waiting. And that tension of not believing I really could do it and wanting it now, served to deflate me instead of inspire me. My submissions were rejected, my site was not glamorous enough, and I just wasn’t narcissistic enough to perpetually fan the flames of fan-ship. Thankfully and eventually, I had enough sense to know this too would pass and I did keep writing because at least I knew practice would make me better. This blog was my living resume. And the constancy made me feel like I was still part of a process bigger than me.
What I learned and continue to learn is that even in the quiet moments of just showing up, work is in fact being done. My regular contributions were proving I was reliable to myself and that I was resilient. I learned what I was truly in the long haul for my betterment. Sometimes this looks like connecting with others and myself and sometimes it looks like silence but it’s all hard work to re-see myself devoid of perfectionism. There’s a stubborn sustained single-mindedness that seems to show up and mirror my worth. It may even be slightly divine.
When my doubt storms have finally quieted down, I have emerged victorious. I waited out my ego’s silliness and found myself still standing on the other side. Beautiful and flawed and human and in more awe of how hard life can be when we make it so. And knowing that sometimes, when we commit to taking our hands off of changing things and just letting them go instead, work will be done.
Our processes are personal to each of us. It takes as long as it takes. And we are so worth the wait.
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.