How My Feelings Freak You Out and What to Do About It

As you know, I truly disregard other’s judgment of my expression of feelings here. This space has always held safety for me. Even when I’ve been attacked, I still know that I am entitled to be honest about me. I sometimes think I should be more so.

And what I’ve come to realize is that not only do people truly not understand that it’s Okay to be not Okay, they think that my expression of self-doubt or fear to be me is somehow a reflection of instability. After all, who thinks this is Okay?

I Do.

In fact, if we were all to admit our self-doubts, our humanity more to one another without assuming that person is funny farm material, we might get to route of some of our problems more quickly. But instead, people are horrified at my humanity. It must mean something awful has happened to me.

Am I considering self-harm? Bahahaha hahahaha! I have never gone there and don’t plan to. Or maybe my anxieties just play into others’ anxieties and they can’t read what I write without being triggered into anxiety. I get that. Maybe my husband has driven me to it? He’s the funniest kindest man I’ve ever met so, no.

I find it sad that we are so clammed up with our feelings that we can’t even recognize and value honesty as just that. If we find compassion for one another and our expression of pain, it may help us find compassion for our own pain. That’s apparently not an option. But I wish it was. So I’ll continue to confess my feelings. And your choice of how to respond is yours to do what you want.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My 9 Year Blogaversary

My Blog at Shalavee.com, the home for my consistent creative writing outlet, turns 9 years old this month. She was born from a need to commit to my creative writing. She was an excuse to come out of my shell and show up online. And what I found out about myself through my honest words and connections with people in the world was that I had unlimited thoughts to convey and words to express them with.

I have regularly owned my words and shared them out loud on my blog. My thoughts weren’t always greeted with kindness and I was so insecure when I first started on social media, I was terrified to “friend” people. But over time, as with anything, I learned how I wanted to use these communication tools to communicate in a way I was comfortable with. I have since created long term friendships with and been witnessed by some pretty terrific people.

The blog helped me to discover I had an honest voice and people appreciated this. Through my blog, I discovered who I am to the world and to myself.

I am a Creativity Ambassador. I am a Mid-Life Mom. I practice Creative Soul Living and look for Wisdom Lessons in my everyday life. I don’t shy away from my truths and give them away freely in my Soul Selfies on Instagram and blog post essays. I spent many years as an Anxiety Warrior and finally allowed medication to help me over the unmovable hump to progress with my writing and blog and claim a new place in the world of words and thought leaders.

There is some big beautiful juicy things I can do here on earth through this outlet if I only envision a plan and get on with the business of writing it into reality.

See my 8th blogaversary post here. See my 7th blogaversary post here. See my 6th  here. My 5th here. My 4th here. (pictures may not appear until the new sight is up).

Just you wait!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

What Do You and I Expect From Shalavee in 2020

I’ve been keeping this on the down low but there’s really no going back so I might as well share it with you. The blog is actually (for reals) getting revamped. And I can not tell you how stuck and petrified I am.

See at 53, I am no longer eager and naive. I have been writing this blog for near 8 years and still have never had a new format or a bunch of readers. All I needed was just to have a place where I could practice writing and publish my thoughts several times a week. An online journal, as it were, where others could be inspired.

And it has been that way for many many years now. I do not have sponsors, I don’t do giveaways, and I don’t have a huge following. I could always blame it on my outdated platform and that way I’m excused from caring. But today I can tell you that I am progressing, like it or not. And I am scared.

I’m scared that I won’t have as much freedom to just not care. I’ll have to bring bigger and badder and start to care about numbers of followers and likes. But I’m here to tell you, I’m truly devoted to one thing; giving my readership what it has come here to receive.

To that end, I have decided that there are three categories that I truly love to talk about and ponder, besides just generally my life process which is a combo of all of the following. Those three categories are Creativity, Motherhood, and Self-Discovery & Anxiety. So if you are here because of any of these then Yayyyy! And if you are not then I’m curious what else I share that is of interest to my regular readership. Direct message me however you feel comfortable and let me know. Meanwhile, I have to go back to working on what I want to look like when I come out of the blog closet.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Finding a Way to Be the Most Me I Can Be

I’ve strayed off the path to myself. I’ve been an impostor for a long time. Maybe it began when I was a kid and I was told to be quieter and not draw attention to myself. Maybe that’s why I’m drawn to writing what I feel so honestly; so that I may rediscover my truer self. But I feel like the true destination is an ease within at being me that I have yet to feel completely.

Of course fear is to blame for keeping me in the dark. That “savior’ we hold in our breasts, that bestie for life. But what kind of friend keeps you from community and from your artwork ? Perhaps she will always be here but she needs to have a seat in the thinking chair every once in a while.

Since asking for help and going on Lexipro, an anti-anxiety medication, I have had delicious thoughts of freedom. I am constantly considering how to be more me and what that looks like. The wheels are in motion for a re-engagement in my “work”, in what I do. Taking myself a little more serious perhaps with a little more challenge and a little more fun. I am always reticent to set goals feeling that perhaps I won’t be able to fulfill them and it’ll be a let down. But I know one thing about myself; once I set an intention publicly, there’s no going back.

Stay Tuned!

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Grab the Gratitude as it’s Going By

Today I realized that gratitude grounds me after I fly out of my bounds. Because yesterday was a great day until it wasn’t. I made what felt like a fatal mistake and deleted about 80 posts on my blog out of ignorance, or perhaps it was unconscious self-sabotage. Either way, they were gone and as I tried to right my wrong, I reached out to my community for their support. And they showed up for me.

Gratitude is now what I’m feeling for both the restoration of my posts and the outpouring of love and kindness from my people, many of which I have never met face to face. And my lesson today is about allowing others to support me. That typically I don’t have anything too terrible going on. There’s a general feeling of everything’s OK. But this lack of vulnerability doesn’t allow me to be visible and leaves me disconnected from the community that I’ve created.

Perhaps all the vulnerability I pour into blog posts about Shame and Paying it Forward (brought tears to my eyes to read these and know they were not lost) seems like I am vulnerable enough. But I suspect that this is then the excuse to not come out in other ways. I am hiding in plain site. I am a hypocrite if I tout community as being the best thing since sliced bread but then hide from it.

After much reading and listening and understanding, I know that each of us needs to be valued in our communities for who we are and what we bring to share there. Our talents and who we like to be need to be appreciated by our people. And if we aren’t sincere about who we are, we can not experience that feeling of being known. We are keeping ourselves from the salvation of acceptance. Of belonging.

So there’s one lesson I need to take to heart and apply from the blog snaffu of 2018. Will there be more, I have no doubt. And I’ll share them with my community as soon as I realize what they are.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.