The avoidance of doing things we have to do emerged as a theme this week at my house. Our reasons for avoidance seemed to include anticipation of pain and discomfort, lack of clarity, lack of priorities, and fear. And a little I don’t like to be told what to do.

Whether on paper or in our heads, the things to do list exists. These items may be for our well-being or another’s, for progress, clarity, or growth but we know why they’re necessary to carry out. And yet we question and avoid them all the same.

I needed a lot of physical things accomplished this past week. And as the time unfurled in which I wanted to get them done, I realized my husband had his own list and he would be of no help. Physically, I dread even going up stairs. And I knew my tasks involved multiple stair efforts.

I was irritable in anticipation. I snapped at my husband Mark and said he needed to stay right at the desk and finish the thing he kept saying he needed to finish. Because if I heard him say he needed to finish it one more time, I would throttle him. Then I enlisted my seven year-old’s help and plowed ahead. I snapped and growled and ached and groaned. And eventually I was done. Mark eventually completed his task as well.

Then Mark had to go shopping for essential rain gear for an outdoor job called the Presidential Inauguration the next day. He “remembered” this late in the afternoon. I told him he needed to go immediately and just get it done. He sat at the desk to do “research”. He called someone. When he finally made it out the door, he admitted he didn’t feel like going out in the rain and getting gas. And he dreads shopping. Bye, bye I said.

Of course, he completed his mission and got exactly what he needed all by his shopping-phobic self. I had gotten through my forced march of to do’s even though it was slightly painful. But with this last hurrah of my all day morning sickness, everything is painful. When you do what you feel needs to be done, you feel good about yourself. And that is the real goal. And it doesn’t hurt to drop those things which aren’t necessary.

As I am now faced with a To Do list that seems to grow as my energy depletes, I have to prioritize, delegate, and figure out where the real blocks are. Are the blocks based on physical restraints, time restrictions, “I don’t know how” oriented, a need for supplies or equipment, or are you waiting for nice weather. Once I have discovered my reason for avoidance, I can make better choices to help myself out of the “I can’ts” and into the “I did its”. Wish me luck, I’m going in.


  1. Hello.

    You write so well:-) If I don’t have a list I run around in that circle with no end. Then I always seem to misplace the list. Delegate, that is tough too, as explaining the obvious to some is downright painful.

    I now ask myself at the end of every day “Did I do my best today?” If the answer is “yes” then I let the rest go. If the answer is “no” then I just decide to try a little harder the next day then I let the rest go.

    You must be very excited though. If my life gets a little turned around I would love to adopt my little darling a brother or sister. I am way to old for another now plus, I run the risk of way more complications.

    Take it easy on yourself and I am trying to keep up with your posts so I know when that wonderful day arrives.

    I think I just wrote a post lol…sorry

    My best and a big hug to you, Sheryl

    • Sheryl,
      I’ll have you know I delegated my bathroom cleaning to a close friend recently. Big girl stuff there. And then yesterday I left my grocery list on the table.
      I think I do my best every day. But the curve that is ability and feeling well is messing with me. Relativity and expectometer adjustments need to be considered.
      I am beyond floored by this turn of events. Yes, I’m 46 but had no complications with the first at 38. Craziness. In fact, I was beginning to get panicky a year ago and was thinking about fostering children when my husband said, “Have you thought about adoption?” I said when your husband says that to you, you better get jiggy with it and Voila. He has later added that the only reason he said that was because he saw panic in my eyes and he was trying to make me feel better. Huh? You mean I misread the clues? He wasn’t feeling desperate for another? It was all me? Doh!!
      Thanks for showing up Sheryl. I hope you are well as is your little one. And soon you’ll be hearing, hopefully sooner than the predicted 40 more days, about the baby’s arrival.

  2. I’m glad you got some of your list tackled. It’s probably harder to do when pregnant and almost there! I can’t believe it. You’re so close now, huh? I think so long as I get started on a task, I’m half-way there. For me, it’s the getting going. I hope you’re feeling good, Shalagh.

    • Amy, would you believe the Christmas decorations are still on the tree that’s still up? Those tasks were “other”. And close is relative. The closer my due date comes, the further away it gets. It’s a Noah’s Ark amount of time from now. And yes, the hardest part about making a decision, or starting a task, is just making/starting it. Thank you so very much for your empathy. I feel like dung but how else are you going toge the lady to the hospital to have the baby unless she feels really bad.
      Love Ya’,

    • You know it took me a second. And then I was laughing. Thank you so very much for showing up Wendy.

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