The line I just read, I had to reread. “Perfectionism is a hustle.“ I’m half way through Brene Brown’s book Daring Greatly, slam in the middle of the chapter on perfectionism and so many self-concept fallacies are spilling out of the pages like bugs who just breathed the extermination gas writhing on the floor. Perfectionism is a mechanism of shame and continues to perpetuate your “not-enoughness” until you are dead.
If you are not familiar with Brene Brown, I urge you to get familiar with her quickly. Her Ted Talk on Vulnerability got to me, sang truth to me like I’d never heard. And her more recent talk on the Anatomy of Trust for Oprah’s Souls Sessions at UCLA had me learning how to trust myself. She is an educated learned yet down to earth woman talking about her research on shame and vulnerability and I am listening very hard.
Our high goals leave us never good enough for everyone. And sure that they all can see I’m not enough, I feel ashamed and abandoned and that is painful. “I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it. Please. Perform. Perfect. Healthy striving is self-focused. How can I improve? Perfectionism is other focused. What will they think? Perfectionism is a hustle.” This is some powerful stuff if we can see it, we can beat it.
I know I can never know what you are thinking. I can change my thinking to compassion and support for my efforts as I’d do for anyone else all the time. I can shift from judgement to support and forgiveness and maybe even excitement. Those are my choices. And I know that I’ll never be shunned or outcast or shamed into oblivion because my people, my tribe whose opinions I value would never ever let that happen. They’ve shown up for me so many times to be grateful for. And now it’s my turn to show up for myself on their behalf.
So take those e-courses, read those books, and start multiple conversations about dreams and truths and humanity with people who get you. This is your life to impress yourself and see what you are capable of. Consider your daily choice and try not to squander you efforts on hoping someone else will approve or like you. They don’t know what their missing to not enjoy your Youness.
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And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.