It sickens me to think of all of that power I gave away to others because I assumed they saw the real me. The one who wasn’t enough. That’s why they made the choices they did to berate me and abandon me.
I was sure that I had to get permission to be separate. I needed it to be OK to make the choices I was making. And if your response wasn’t positive or supportive, that must mean that I had done it wrong.
My inner child seemed to be perpetually waiting for the other shoe to drop and prove yet again how much I didn’t deserve your respect or your love. That effort I make gets repaid with silence or criticism or rejection.
This happened this year even.
And it may happen again in 2022.
But this time, I’m watching like a hawk. My feelings of despair are a flare in the sky that I need to stop and listen to my thoughts. That I may be catastrophizing or mind reading. Feelings of loneliness and despair ask for me to give myself compassion. And to find a new way to see myself other than broken and unfit.
If this sounds familiar, I am on your team. We are compassion compatriots. And you can lean on me if I can lean on you.
If you have any thoughts, please drop a word below in the comments. Or you can…
Find and friend me on Instagram to view my daily pictures and art projects.
If you are interested in reading more of my thoughts on Creative Soul Living, place your name into the subscription box in the sidebar and subscribe to my weekly posts delivered straight to your inbox.
And as always, thank you for your visit.