I thought today about following my heart. I’ve listened more to myself when I have a day where there’s multiple choices which challenge me to listen honestly to my needs. For a long time, I have been led by what I think I should do and not what I really wanted to do. I suppose I had a problem trusting my inner child to tell me when I, acting as the adult, thought I knew better. Her wise little voice is my intuition. And there has been a conflict on whose voice I needed to be listening to.
While I was out recently running errands, I had a bunch of need to do’s and could do’s which were likely capped off by hunger. I was very wary of truly listening to myself and yet I knew it was necessary to allow my inner child and my wisdom to tell me what I really needed to have happen and in what order. I felt my doubt as I handed over the moment by moment decision-making to my inner gal to prioritize me a little more over the tasks. But when I followed her suggestions, I developed a little more trust in myself.
Does that seem weird? That I have never given myself that much credit or responsibility to make choices that I trust? Because so often my decisions have been made by the anxieties that my decisions and myself remained untrustworthy. The anxieties indicated that my decisions were being made for reasons outside myself or my truest happiness. For the approval of others perhaps? And so anxieties created decisions that were not aligned with my truest happiness and thus unreliable.
If I can’t trust that I’ll take care of me and my needs and making myself happy, I just can’t trust myself. Because ain’t nobody in this world, not my Mama or my husband even, that has the power to give me happiness. That starts inside me asking what will make me happiest today? And when I notice the little sparks of wonder about the world that I may like to explore, I am taking very special notice. They are the guideposts.
I believe my Myers Briggs personality type was and still is an ENFP; Extroversion (equally Introversion)+ Intuition +Feeling + Perceiving. I’m described as “enthusiastic, imaginative, creative, warm, future-oriented, individualistic, insightful, caring, optimistic, possibility focused, open, novelty seeking, spontaneous, and playful.” These sound like a lot of them are my inner child’s strengths. It would behoove me to trust her and my intuition and let myself be guided to all the fun and inspiring projects in my future that I obviously need to look forward to. My inner adult can be a real Debbie downer apparently.
Funny because letting my intuition guide me was never something I thought I wasn’t doing. Now I’m going to be super mindful to stop and listen to any and all the thoughts that mention true happiness and trust. These are what I need to hear. My journal writing has given me this insight and it was always free of charge. All this work so that I can trust I’m free and safe to be just me.
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You speak to my heart fellow ENF (with a P-T) at the end.