Let me catch you up dearest readers on what has blown up my life.

If you follow me on social media, you’ll already know that I have been dealing with my mother’s fall and her subsequent hospital visit.

But this story goes much much deeper for me as many mother stories do.

I have been called back many any times in my life to take care of my mother. I’ve cleaned her house. I’ve euthanized her cats. Anything and everything to return to rescue her from herself. And I’ve carried a huge resentment around for it all.

an Oct 2020 update on Shalavee.com

My mother has a disorder disorder. She is a hoarder. The stuff is in her house in all horrible ways. And her house smells. Because she is a cat hoarder too. She allowed many cats into her house and they trashed the place.

And I am a kind person who didn’t want my mother to return home from the hospital to the filth … so I cleaned. I also decided that I was not going to hold her shame as my own. That is what codependent people do with addicts. And I promised myself I’d only go and do this if I made sure everyone knew.

So now you know. It will be a long and painful road to get her out of that house, if I even do before she hurts herself again. And I have promised I will keep doing the next right thing.

My own life seems so less complicated comparatively. All those things that I was angsting about are so unimportant right now. I don’t care how big my belly has gotten or how my creative life has stalled. All I care about is washing my daughters beautiful strawberry blond hair and reading her a bedtime story.

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  1. Oh, my dear! You are having a tough time, hang on there! Try to focus on the positive, with your mother out of the house you can get rid of everything and keep only the necessary. Don’t do it by yourself, ask a friend or pay someone to help, it will be quick and less painful to have someone helping you. Take the cats to a shelter. Fill up the house with beautiful flowers to receive your mother back. Don’t criticize her, everyone has a different way to couple with this world. Do your part and let her be. Maybe after all this, we can have a soul challenge for you to refocus.

    1. It’s getting her out of the house thats the problem. I do not criticize her. I am very patient. Sadly my sister lives far away. But I am gathering momentum and help ad I go. Thanks Elizabeth!

  2. Shalagh, Brene’ Brown says: “When we deny our stories, they define us. When we own our stories, we get to write a brave new ending.” You are writing your own brave new ending by not holding her shame, and honoring your self as well as your daughter. Our parents and family can be hard, but we need to chart our own course. Holding you in my thoughts❤️

    1. Thank you so much Jenny! I am allowing compassion to guide me through all of this. And yes, accepting it has lightened the load a lot. But it’s hard still.

  3. That’s a tough time. I thought I had a problem with my parents but that’s ten times worse! We have to go through their stuff (and deal with their health) but at least it’s organised stuff. I’m also getting my house in order (and at the same time thinking about my growing middle-aged belly and doing something about it with Pilates and Bootcamp because I have more time and money to do so these days). Yes, it’s a reminder to enjoy the small and very beautiful things in our life – our gorgeous children and family. Thank you for that reminder. I’m sending strength your way!

    1. Thank you so much Brigitte for this. The gift of connection and “me too” always makes my heart happy. And I agree that it’s the little things that can make me so happy, or sooo irritated.
      Much Love,

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