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A Woman’s Worth

( This piece was published a year and a half ago in May of 2107 and yet I thought of it the other day and when I happened upon it today, I knew it needed to be re-shared. Feel your truth and spread it wide).

She got onto a fancy white SUV parked next to me in the Royal Farm Store parking lot. She carried herself well, had a few tattoos on her arms, but the lyrics of the song she was blasting from her car radio made me wince. A man rapped about getting or not getting something that starts with a P and is another word for a kitty cat or, in this instance, a female anatomy part. I am appalled at that term and the concept of women’s worth reduced to a single anatomic part and that this was acceptable to her.

My strongest feeling was empathy for the idea that,  as women,  we are not valued for anything more than what we value ourselves for. So that if our sexual power is what we value ourselves for, then so will the world. And if we see our ability to be a mother and take care of our family as our only valuable trait then we find it hard to see ourselves any other way. We may say we resent the stereotypes but until we own our the role we are casting ourselves in, we will continue our subjugation.

I have played both the roles of sexual object and supermom and discovered I have used these roles as an excuse to not risk those leaps that would be only for me and my benefit. The kind of risks that would mean me shining all alone for who I am and not just for how I’m defined in relationship to others. This is a whole weird concept for so many of us.

As a person, I need to be and do things that are separate from other people. Especially after becoming a Mom, I felt a desperate urge to be just me somewhere else. But the truest lesson I know I’m learning is how little ones will only do as I do, not as I say. So, if you say to your children, go forth and explore the world and who it is to be you, but you don’t ever do that for yourself, you are an unreliable source. And you’ll guarantee they will do the opposite of what you tell them and the same as what you do.http://shalavee.com/mothering-thirds/

Every brave thing I’ve done since having children was heavily influenced by the idea that they would catch my low self-esteem like some contagion. I practice what I preach, lead by example, and try to mirror what I think a woman and a mother can be. Sometimes I get it right too. The largest lesson I can give my daughter is to never accept anyone else’s definition of her if she isn’t comfortable with it. She is not an object. She can not be owned by a person or a word. And I think little sassafras has already got a good head start on this defiance.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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A Few Personal Cooking (and Eating)Trends

I adore cooking and look forward to the summer season to make a few favorites with our tomatoes, cucumbers, and peppers. We grew both sauce tomatoes and sandwich tomatoes as well as grape and yellow cherry tomatoes called Sungolds. I always make gazpacho with the first tomatoes served with shrimp and homemade croutons. Gazpacho recipe here.

A few personal cooking and eating trends on shalavee.com

A few personal cooking and eating trends on shalavee.com

The Sungolds and grape tomatoes are great roasted and then used as a compote. With eggs or added to a sauce, the sweetness becomes richer with the roasting.

Something that I’ve come to really enjoy is eggs poached in tomatoes. My neighbor Chef Steve served Diablo eggs at his brunch, eggs cooked in ramakins of tomato sauce and I was hooked. Homemade tomato sauce is even better.A few personal cooking and eating trends on shalavee.com

A few personal cooking and eating trends on shalavee.com

We grill out as much as I can. I love veggie skewers and tandoori chicken thighs. I used to make a fruit salsa all the time to serve with the meats. And then this Summer I was turned onto Tzatsiki sauce made from cucumber, greek yogurt, sour cream, garlic, dill, and a little vinegar, salt, and pepper. New favorite!A few personal cooking and eating trends on shalavee.com

A few personal cooking and eating trends on shalavee.com

I’ve always loved Seafood and two of my favorites, mussels and oysters, I enjoyed for lunch with a friend in St. Michaels earlier this Summer. Looking forward to our annual birthday crab feast in less than two weeks.

A few personal cooking and eating trends on shalavee.com

Mark and are currently surrendering flour and sugar so I’ll not be making my favorite buttermilk biscuits for a while. But I will indulge in a slice of pumpernickel especially with avocado smashed onto it on occasion. And butternut squash makes a great hash with turkey kielbasa and garlic ramps. Hope you are inspired to eat some rainbow or try out a new dish. As I always say to the kids, “You never know, it could be your new favorite”. See a similar post and all of those yummy pictures in my post titled Food Porn from 2016.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter orPinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Tweaking My Social Media Settings Makes It a Good Thing

I am a sensitive half introvert and half extrovert. I don’t want to be beaten and battered by too much information via the internet lest it would explode my head. So no news is good for me. It’s taken me a few years to understand how social media works for me. Not to be popular or to be hired but how it works for my well-being. I thought I would share in hopes that it may help give you permission to connect or disconnect in ways you hadn’t considered.

My first few faraway online friends were actually made via a site called Divine Caroline where I began to publish my very verbose ramblings cum essays. And then after the blog’s birth in 2011, I was forced into social media usage because of the blog.  Read my very funny how I endured joining Facebook story here.  Although, I could have just blogged for myself, and often I think that’s exactly what I’m doing, it seemed like I might want to invite others to read what I had written ergo the need for social media.

 

I fell in love with Instagram a couple of years in and still detest Twitter except when I’ve used it for a good cause. But the trick to all of it is in being in charge of the media and not having it in your day unless you choose it. In other words, there are no notifications on my phone for any social media apps. None. I have text messages and email notifications and that is all. I changed that in the beginning part of this year. 

Further, I make sure that within Facebook or Instagram, I do not get shown what I don’t want to see. You can quiet people’s posts without unfriending them. You can make special lists in Twitter and Facebook (alas not Instagram) to see only those specifics posts from those specific people. It’s a huge sigh of relief if you’re using Twitter and perhaps Facebook if you tweak the overwhelm to your liking.

Why in the world would anyone want to be on social media at all? Because it turns out there are amazing like-minded people all over the world who show you things about yourself that you would have never otherwise known. In fact I attribute Instagram and all of my connections and challenges there with decreasing my anxiety and helping increase my self-esteem. It’s all in the way that you use it. I use it for connection and affirmation and not to pretend to be someone I’m not.

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
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I’ve been hungry to get back to yummy self time. The starvation has ceased as I am now stepping back into my space (physically and mentally). I #Nourish my self-trust as I show up for me. Revering me-time , quiet space to listen to and explore my thoughts, curiosities, questions, and whims. . Setting intentions for writing and art, creating ways to keep myself to these tasks. . I want compassion and kindness to guide my soul goals and fear can watch and concede defeat. . On the blog today, a pretty comprehensive list of ways in which you can create self-trust! Link in my profile to Shalavee.com and the piece entitled Seven Methods to Help Develop Self-Trust. . #breatheseptember2018 #createeveryday #mywisdomlessons #Soul_Selfie #Introvert #selfdevelopment #emotionalmaturity #perspective #liveonpurpose #selfawareness #personalgrowth #mindfulness #personaldevelopment #innerartist #ourcreativeselves #writersofIG #ontheblog

A post shared by Shalagh Hogan (@shalaghhogan) on

Social media and any device for that matter, are only as good as your intentions. I want to connect with the world and with myself in a way that I feel comfortable and not overwhelmed. I need to take the anxiety out of my life and put joy into it. These are the ways that I have found I can do just that without doing an all or nothing cold turkey thing. Did I miss anything? Let me know how you handle your communications. Are you put off by the megalomaniacs and narcissists or have you found a way to navigate the trolls? 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your emailbox. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional Intouchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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