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Visibility and Vulnerability

As a person who has an online presence and blog, I’ve taken and watched these workshops led by the leading successors in the field of online leadership. Online marketing guru Seth Godin knows what it takes to succeed online and it’s formulaic. I took notes, screenshots, and saved it all in my head. But there’s always something missing for me and it’s been bugging me. Why can some people just roll on and demand the attention and achieve the success unapologetically while the rest of us have our feet stuck in the mud and our mouths open in shock. Vulnerability isn’t that easy.

After a few more years of reading, challenges, and listening to what I write, I think I may have a clue. It’s about apples and oranges, men and women. About societal programming and unfairly comparing myself to others.Vulnerability and Visibility on Shalavee.com

First, Brene Brown’s brilliant work on vulnerability brought me an understanding of how we are all hard-wired for connection with other humans which makes our number one fear, disconnection and the rejection that leads to it. I recognized how many of my fears were coming from a fear of being rejected and outcast. I’ve lived this rejection and it’s very painful. I’ve internalized this rejection and visited it upon myself. In rejecting my true self daily, it’s not a stretch to imagine others rejecting me.  So, vulnerability and the truth equates to death by ostracization.

Secondly, as women, we are programmed to be “good girls” doing what’s expected. We get good grades, act nice, and conform to the norm. We keep our visibility to a minimum because being out loud and truthful about ourselves and our desires is in direct conflict with being good and doing what’s expected. A self-created prison surely. And it shackles us. It’s just another nail in the lid of our silence.Vulnerability and Visibility on Shalavee.com

I know that when children became part of my life soup, their care became so primary, I somehow knew I was supposed to subjugate my needs for theirs. Their survival meant I was secondary. That makes no sense and, yet, it was basically understood. It was part of that good programming. Because their survival depends on me being accepted.

Men are driven to succeed. Numbers and winning and proving something. If you aren’t worried about being scarlet lettered for your outrageousness or being the one responsible for the lives of the children, family, or the elderly, you can be bold. If your needs are primary, you can be vulnerable. But somehow innately, there’s a nonsensical message that says you need men and the world to like you to survive. Do not upset the apple cart and everybody lives.Vulnerability and Visibility on Shalavee.com

I’ve come to understand that being truthful to myself and the world makes me invincible. That it allows for others to have permission to tell the truth. That it models authenticity to our children.  But those old scripts are embedded like weeds with enormous roots in our soul gardens. And as I see the patterns, I am shifting, renovating, rewriting, and weeding my life so that I can be free to roam out in the sunshine instead of hiding in a dark cave. I know that each person has their own path they need to follow to their truest self. Only I can define what that is. 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

My Creativity Workshop in the Fall of 2017

Developing and leading the Creativity workshop on November 18th of this year, 2017, renewed my understanding of my purpose. All the self-trust and self-esteem work I’ve done has naturally led to me valuing my creativity. The more I read and the more I write about both self-development and creativity, the more I understand the entwined nature of our true and creative selves.

And I now understand the same fear that threatens to keep us from our truest and most authentic self is the same as that which keeps us from our most creative selves. I find this kind of knowledge is too juicy to keep to oneself. Because if you can separate yourself from your fear and feelings just long enough to make a better choice that makes you feel better, at least you know you have a choice.

Previously, I have conducted one other workshop several years ago on blogging. And as that was a success at showing me I could teach a workshop, this one was more about what I felt passionate about. These are the subjects that have changed my life drastically. The theories and understanding that I have developed were earned by me. And I can see that what I know and feel may be of help to someone else looking to free themselves from the anguish of anxiety and blocked creativity.

My Creativity Workshop Fall of 2017 on Shalavee.com

My Creativity Workshop Fall of 2017 on Shalavee.com

I started the workshop by asking people to describe creativity. To put a value on it in their minds is to make it worth pursuing. These dozen attendees were there because they already valued creativity and yet, in our separated worlds, we may not realize it means as much to others. Hearing others say how you feel is very validating. We then jumped into what held us back from creativity, claiming words that described our blocks and our fears. And again, we owned what we knew was keeping us from this goal we wanted and heard what other people had struggles with. A sudden sense of community felt formed.

I shared my humanity and told a story of how anxiety had gripped me while driving on my way to a creative event once. I spoke about the cruelty we treat our inner children with when we deny or criticize their natural need to play. I gave them words and concepts about fear of being outcast and faith in our authentic selves and the kindness of permission to play versus the cruelty of not allowing for it. And then we got to the hands-on fun part where we applied ourselves to this process.

My Creativity Workshop Fall of 2017 on Shalavee.com

My Creativity Workshop Fall of 2017 on Shalavee.com

My Creativity Workshop Fall of 2017 on Shalavee.com

First, we created permission slips based on a blocked creative task citing our creative desire and then writing through our blocks to achieve that. And then we created authority badges claiming ourselves and our talents as creatives regardless of talent.  It was wondrous to watch this roomful of adults grab markers and glitter and paper and create physical representations of their entitlement to be creative.

My takeaway? I am onto something. There is a simple equation here about our true inner children being allowed to be unequivocally ourselves. That we’ve been so programmed to be productive and ready for disaster that day after day we deny ourselves our true identities, a moment to indulge in “pointless’ fun activities. And day after day, hope leaks from our souls as we remain imprisoned in our shoulds and can’ts.

 

My Creativity Workshop Fall of 2017 on Shalavee.com

My Creativity Workshop Fall of 2017 on Shalavee.com

My Creativity Workshop Fall of 2017 on Shalavee.com

I have a strong sense that this kind of self-permission and soul tuning is necessary for our world to heal. That we can’t be an authentic nation of people if we are not acting as our truest selves and in our own interests. And that creative living and listening to our intuition will serve to make us stronger in every application.

I will be revamping my content and offering this workshop again next year sometime. The potential to awaken people’s insights and intuitions is tantalizing. And I would love to know and be proud to have I contributed what I could to the healing of people’s creative souls.

 

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Sometimes it Just Takes As Long As it Takes

I have always been a person that considers what more there is for me to know and grow from. I have always been a seeker in that way. Understanding myself and what I fear and crave is fascinating and necessary for me and I never remember not being this way. Either we’re growing or we’re dead. And sometimes it takes as long as it takes.

Many years ago, I picked up a book authored by a well-known American Test Kitchen Chef Pamela Anderson called The Perfect Recipe For Eating Great and Losing Weight. And it truly changed my outlook on what life can be. How understanding your lifestyle and self from an overall perspective is a better way to shift even the smallest parts and that sometimes even considering making this shift takes a long long time.

She was overweight and a eureka moment at a conference getaway weekend had her considering a life shift to lose her weight and recreate her lifestyle. But it still took her possibly a year to begin implementing a plan to accomplish this. She wisely thought about all that this would encompass ; letting go of her resentments, devising easy meal plans, and incorporating exercise into her life. She inspired me and she also confirmed what I still see happening with me today : sometimes shift takes a while.Sometimes it Just Takes As Long As it Takes on Shalavee.com

I have long been afraid of my power. I knew from everything I’d read that I could do and be whatever I wanted and that just seemed frightening. My world was comfortably small. And then there comes a point where you can no longer stay. You need stimulus and change and you need to grow or else. I have known the “whats” of my advancement in my “career” for a long time but I also have a real problem with following a set standard recipe for living.

So I bucked the advice for growing my readership by their recipe of bait and grab because I didn’t think I liked the cookie cutter feeling of what I kept reading. I find that often men make things seem so matter of fact and I live throughout the shades of grey shadows around the shift. But in the end, their oversimplification and my over-complication still brought me back to the place where I can see that my future passion for connecting with and sharing ideas with a broader audience will still be best served by doing those things that I initially felt forced into doing. But that also doesn’t mean that I ever have to do anything in a fashion that feels sleazy or insincere. Ever.Sometimes it Just Takes As Long As it Takes on Shalavee.com

So here I am re-committing to support myself and my growth in whatever means are necessary. I am committed to being more visible, asking for more support, and valuing my talent and the products from it in a way that feels righteous and true. And when I do any and all of this, I inspire anyone else to be true to themselves too. That’s where I’m aimed.

And If you enjoyed what you read, subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest  too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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