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Being on Purple : The Good Girl Control

At my daughter’s school, the children’s behavior is monitored daily by a stoplight inspired grading system. If you’ve behaved yourself , you get on a green status. If you received a warning, its yellow. And a bad choice will get you to red status and probably get you sent to a principal’s waiting room, or maybe that’s just what I remember. But the most insipid of all is the purple. Because that represents better than good behavior and it’s all my daughter seems to want. To be the good girl.

When she’s at school, she thinks she needs to make sure that she is liked and fits in so no one votes her off the island. But the minute she’s off the bus and in my company, she let’s it all hang out mostly to our mutual detriment. Six-year-olds are immense people-pleasers and they are also control freaks. So she is trying to get a purple so hard everyday that I think it’s sending her over the edge when she doesn’t get it.Being on Purple : The Good Girl Control on Shalavee.com

So this morning, after another night and day of not so stellar choices and listening, we missed our bus for the first time ever. And as I drove her to school, I started to realize and discuss with her how striving for that purple might be messing with her. And that perhaps, she could just go ahead and be the sweet kind and helpful little gal that she always is and that when she was rewarded with the purple as she often seems to be especially on Fridays, she could be surprised and happy.

Teach her to reject likeability.

Her job is not to make herself likeable,

her job is to be her full self…”

–Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie–

The Good Girl programming is a little pervasive and creepy. That we as girls are taught to be mindful of others’ expectations and needs instead of rewarded for being kind people and taking care of ourselves in marvelous caring ways, is just society’s flaw. But let us as parents try to counteract these expectations by encouraging them to be proud of just who they are and not what they do. And to care for themselves with the same compassion and effort as they are asked to give to others.Being on Purple : The Good Girl Control on Shalavee.com

Purple is a beautiful color to earn. Especially if you can enjoy it just because it is the way life made you and your day based on the choices you made with integrity and joy.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

We Are Scared of Our Own Power to Choose

The most empowering and terrifying thought you can have is that it’s all up to you. You’re the master of your destiny, your own life chef, the navigator, the choice maker. And there’s just no other option. Sorry. Why are we so scared of our own power to choose?

I spoke with some people the other day about the shift in the value and the validity of religion in people’s lives. Many people are wandering away from what they were raised with but when they find a new place, they may not stay long because they do not find the element that tethers them. I think that we detested being told what to do and believe and yet it is ultimately what we are looking for in the absence of the permission to tell ourselves. Religion was a recipe and it’s hard to see ourselves as the re-creators of that.We Are Scared of Our Own Power to Choose on Shalavee.com

Choices, be they religious preference, family size, or the type of car we drive, are what we have the privilege of enjoying here in America. Yet I think that for as much as we would give our lives to have these choices, we are terrified to truly make them. The thought of varying our paths from those we are expected to follow. Or doing something that would cause us to be the center of uncomfortable attention in our community. These freak us out, make us panic, and cause us anxiety to consider.

We understand from a small age that to rock the conformity boat is to risk peril and being outcast. Better to conform. But in doing so, we can never trust ourselves again and are caught in a perpetual loop of anxiety and mistrust of ourselves and our world. The same world that we so revere our freedom in. Ironic.We Are Scared of Our Own Power to Choose on Shalavee.com

Each of us has the freedom to follow our own paths to what we consider freedom and happiness. So what holds us back? What do we choose automatically every day instead of making empowered changes? Being American says we can choose so why do we think that means to keep buying things? What does freedom mean to you? Now go grab a hunk of it. 

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

Our Creative June Week One

A week into Our Creative June creativity challenge on Instagram and the excitement is all there. To feel and watch as people grab a hold of the idea of creativity as a gift they can give themselves daily is so satisfying. I know that for me, it always brings such a jolt to my esteem when I create. And then sharing it with my community gives me another happy zing.

Am delighted to say that after a week run, there are over 120 posts of creations on the #OurCreativeJune page and there are at least 25 participants including myself. I give you a smattering of some of the art that’s happening. These are all the other creators. I will follow up with a post of my own work soon.

 

I understand now that I am an Ambassador of Creativity. That having felt its immense healing powers in my life, there is every reason to share the wonder and joy of this gift with others. I don’t care if you don’t share what you creatively do with others publicly, just as long as you make something for you and feel the ease and comfort that it provides.

In the Instagram post that announced #OurCreativeJune, I wrote, “The antidote to fear is love. I believe creativity and the practice of being in touch with who you really are is the greatest act of self-love.”

My IG friend Kylie gave this back to me by saying,”I love the way Shalagh refers to the practice of being in touch with who you truly are as creative expression. We too often refer to creativity in terms of making something with paint or paper etc but it’s more than that. It’s authenticity, unique thought, honoring what makes you feel good, breaking a routine, reaching out to make a new connection, being yourself or looking at your life, a situation, a relationship with a fresh (and more helpful perspective).”

Where there is love of oneself and authenticity, there is peace and no anxiety. While engaged in creativity, you do not feel the anxiety or fear of a nuclear attack. All you feel is flow. And that is some powerful mojo.

I’m doing two creative pieces a day now. I am still engaged in the 100 Day Project with sketches of everyday objects. And the Icad project (index card a day) has me doing collage or whatever alternate medium I’m in the mood to use. Anyone can jump into our month at anytime with any sort of creativity. Writing is something I do a lot of but don’t acknowledge except it’s highly creative. Photography and Cooking too. So feel free to switch up mediums and just jump in occasionally. There aren’t any true rules but to indulge our creativity.

If you enjoyed what you read, please subscribe, via the subscription box in the sidebar, to my thrice weekly posts via your email box. And visit me on Instagram to see my daily pictures, friend me or like my page on Facebook. Or come find me on Twitter or Pinterest too. I am always practicing Intentional In-touchness so chat at me please. I live for conversations.

And, as always, Thanks to you for your visit.

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