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Creativity Couldn’t Cure Me

I’m known as an ambassador to creativity. I firmly believe in the soul altering powers of honoring and co-creation with your muse. I also really wanted to believe that creativity was the way out of my anxiety. But as hard as I tried, I just couldn’t quell my anxieties with my creativity. That’s a simplified version of the long and painful anxiety filled process. I wanted to Fix myself with my creativity.

I thought if only I could begin making art on a regular basis, I would increase my self-trust and esteem enough to shove my anxieties into the back seat. But as I pushed through with holding a workshop on creativity, I had a horrible panic attack and admitted I just wasn’t moving forward.

But even when I finally asked my doctor for an anti-anxiety medicine, I stayed mad as a hornet that creativity hadn’t cured me. My expected outcome was going to make my uber-creativity my super power and exonerate me from all my imperfect anxiety. I should have been happy that I had found a way out of my anxieties but I just felt mad creativity hadn’t cured me.

I didn’t throw out the creativity baby with the bathwater. I have continued to practice making. I have come to treasure the lack of constant anxiety in my life and I think I am even more devoted to my creativity.

Perhaps I just wanted that outcome so badly, like wanting my divorced parents to reunite, that it would inevitably fail. Maybe creativity is too precious to ask for it to be or do anything but bring joy. We shouldn’t ask our creativity to lift the heavy burdens. Make it responsible for our sanity or our livelihood. But only to continue to keep up in touch with who we truly are and what brings us joy.

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Gardening of Your Soul

Kneeling on a chair cushion yesterday jamming dirt under my nails as I pulled weeds from my brick walkway, I had one of those garden/life analogies. While the grass clumps came out rather easily sometimes leaving a worm suddenly homeless, the dandelions dared me to yank them. Their tap roots going deeply down between those bricks threatening to leave some of themselves behind.

I have worked hard to recover myself and unwind my inner bits from my childhood traumas. I’ve been in counseling a good portion of my life and credit that for the majority of that work. But sometimes there are bits of roots left and broken off deep down that will not come easily but can not be left. For those, I requested and received medication and asked to do EMDR therapy.gardening the soul on Shalavee.com

I don’t think my consciousness will ever be completely weed free. But I can say that that garden is worth fighting for because we live there everyday and all of our choices and thoughts are filtered through that garden. By being aware of the nasty weeds others were responsible for planting and digging them up by the roots, you have a chance at being the happiest best version of yourself you can be.

Interested in reading my future thoughts on Creative Soul Living?

Enter your name into the subscription box in the sidebar to the right and subscribe to my bi-weekly posts via your emailbox.

Find me on Instagram to view my daily pictures,

friend me or like my page on Facebook.

I love community, soulful candid conversation, and being in touch.

And as always, thank you for your visit.

100 Day of Shalagh : Days 41 through 60

I’ve passed the halfway mark for my 100 Day Project aka 100 Days of Shalagh 2021! Hooray. This project seems something that would be daunting. Except the further along I get, the more I look forward to the daily creations and the easier it becomes.

I’ve also noticed that my skill with this medium is increasing. How could it not? 

Practice is the key to getting better at anything. So now I’ve added watercolor pencils to the repertoire of art supplies I’m not intimidated by.

To see the beginning of the project, Days 1-20, go here.

To see Days 21 through 40, go here.

Stay tuned for the next Forty more days.

 

Interested in reading my future thoughts on Creative Soul Living?

Enter your name into the subscription box in the sidebar to the right and subscribe to my bi-weekly posts via your emailbox.

Find me on Instagram to view my daily pictures,

friend me or like my page on Facebook.

I love community, soulful candid conversation, and being in touch.

And as always, thank you for your visit.

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