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Struggling today with a familiar feeling of anger over fighting for what I need to take care of me. Wanting to translate others’ lack of support for me as me being unworthy to receive it. As a person with low self-esteem, it can be a struggle to ask for the care I need. Being sick…
I have been emerging back into my life as I fight to be needed less by others. I fight more to show up for myself where I am needed which currently involves time in my craftroom. The craftroom being an analogy for my creative life. I believe this withdrawal into myself is the product of…
By the time we left for our vacation a week ago, I was all done. I had been couped up in the house without a car for an entire week. And the extreme heat outside had made me feel like I was inside the lockdown again. Not cool. I no longer wanted to cook or…
In the past 9 years, I have found comfort and community and some very wise women through the Instagram social media platform. Some of the women I follow are known as thought leaders. They have developed ideas and theories that I can stand behind. I continue to receive the newsletters of some of these women…
I am not supposed to be fixing me. That was so last year and the life before’s story. IBut I kept telling myself, “if I fix my weight and my brain and my house all up… then everything will be Okay.” Not Okay. All efforts to fix me didn’t work out that well. And I…
I recently released myself from the thrall of a diet. I had been in the Noom program since February. I’d logged almost 800 meals. And I’d not lost any weight. I no longer wanted to feel like a failure. I wanted to stop feeling like I was some sort of bug under a microscope with…
I am suddenly at a place in my life where I realize that life is harder for all the respect I haven’t been asking for. I find myself irked because my kid doesn’t respect me. Or my husband takes me for granted. Or my Mother just expects I’ll do that thing for her. But I…
The rain has finally stopped and the blue skies are filled with cartoon exhaust clouds. My son’s friends are all happily yelling at the video game they are playing. The smell of chili and banana bread permeate the house. Am trying to squelch the pain of my SI joint which has returned with Ibuprofen. And…
At the bank today, I overheard a woman say “Stay Strong” and I said, “I prefer that to’stay safe’.” The teller said that the woman who said that was starting a campaign to promote mental health awareness and depression support through this time. And I said, “I can totally support that. I’m spreading Stay Strong”….
In the beginning of the year, I was doing pretty great. I was exercising regularly, losing my Christmas weight gain, writing an essay that I knew would be published, and had some routine going. And then the Pandemic happened. I didn’t implode immediately but the decline of my “self” life was inevitable. I’ve spent a…
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