Within the past couple weeks, it has come to my attention that I believe I am both not enough and too much simultaneously. The combination of my not enough and too muchness leaves me standing outside myself feeling homeless from my own soul. How ridiculous, I think, when I have so many blessings and so much opportunity to live happily. But even so, it also feels true.

My devotion to uncovering a better truth has me wanting to dig deeper to undo this “truth”. I value my devotion to wanting to provide quality contributions to the world but the idea that nothing I have is good enough is just stupid. If enough is something which I get to define, than my enough definition needs an overhaul.

I Am Both Not Enough and Too Much Simultaneously on Shalavee.comTo me, enough truly means…

  • My family and I are fed and aren’t in danger
  • I speak from an authentic a place
  • What I choose to do and say aligns with my values of honesty and generosity
  • Believing that whatever happens, the world has my back eventually
  • I still have hope
  • My family and friends support and love me

Recently, I bought a book titled Needy penned by Mara Glatzel. A few pages in, as she’s speaking about how she felt unworthy of asking for her needs to be met as a child because she understood that she was too much, I had one of those Aha moments. I can easily accuse myself of being both to loud and too truthful. I take up too much space when I am me and so I learned how to shrink within to a room I have been awkwardly occupying for a very long time. I don’t recognize the space outside awaiting me because I haven’t been aware I was even in there.

When I live for what I perceive to be your definition of me, I fail myself immediately. That being just and only me is enough for this world. And not being me is keeping the world from getting enough of me.

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One Comment

  1. Hi Shalagh, this post resonates so much with me. I was journaling this morning and I had the same drama on my pages. I felt empty, I have everything like you listed, more than enough, but i still feel emptiness in my soul. While writing I felt this feeling could have been because i want a lot, i want to be at 2 places and have 2 distinct lives, i want to know what did i miss when i let go of other opportunities to be here and now. It’s the need of more, i need to understand that this moment, this second is what matters, but it’s difficult, the past always comes back. I think I wrote too much! Hugs to you.

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