I’m sure no one wants to hear this but I have spent an inordinate amount of time and effort trying to convince myself that I have worth. My inner parent has compassion for my inner child. She had it rough and truly wants her to feel better. But my inner girl is a tough little nut. She’s been living with this esteem deficit for so long that she sees nothing as proof of the need to change. Somehow that feels safer to her.
I must admit, I haven’t tried positive post it notes on my bathroom mirror. Perhaps my husband would benefit from those too? But it feels so private. Maybe if I wrote positive affirmations in my journal. But there’s something detention-like about that. I adore people complimenting me and giving me kudos. But these don’t seem to fill me up for long and then disappear.
I can not see the progress I’ve made since that time the therapist broke me by telling me I had low self-esteem. I know I must have come a long way since then, I just can’t see it.
So if you suffer from this, you are not alone. That’s what’s more important than anything. To know you are not alone.
I will continue to battle the low self-esteem shadow monsters with therapy and doing my best and letting go of the rest. Life is a process, not an end.
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