Last Saturday morning, my microwave committed hari kari. I punched the go button and it yelled at me. I yelled back. Stupid microwave. Turns out, the date on the inside said 2003. Really? I could not believe it had been almost eight years since I bought it. It was older than my six year old. It looked good still. Not like all the other disposed of microwaves in the world.

I couldn’t stand the gaping hole in the cabinet. So I drove a long way to get a new one from Sears. I looked for the same one and purchased its current equal, paying an extra twenty five dollars for the stainless steel version. I got it home and wouldn’t you know, it was a half inch larger in every direction. All fine until the up direction which forced me to remove the shelf above.

And I still had minutes to spare for “operation replace microwave” until I notice that the plug was different. Where the previous plug was straight, this one was the right angled kind. The kind that lays flat behind the appliance. Fine if the receptacle is located behind the appliance. But we’d stuck it above the cabinet where the cord had to snake through holes in the shelves. Holes that were too small now. In ten minutes, I’d drilled holes and taken my jigsaw in an unkosher fashion to open those holes up and accommodate the right angly plug. I was just in time to meet the school bus outside the house.

Today I broke the carafe to my coffee pot. That’s what I get for having a cast iron sink And I wasn’t really in the mood to be domestic as I went to wash the pot out for tomorrow. In fact, I usually let my husband do that since he makes the coffee being the first one up. Don’t clean the kitchen angry. I pitched a fit as I went down to fetch the old coffee maker from the basement. Us coffee addicts are always prepared. I even had an extra carafe for the old coffee pot. Fat lot of good it does me with the pot I broke today.

Husband suggested looking online for a new carafe. Not a bad idea considering that’s the way I’ve replaced a part for my refrigerator (plastic parts holding the weight of two crisper drawers is a design flaw) and the heating element to our dryer that went out on the day after Christmas, of course. My visiting sister dried the last of her clothes, the dryer broke, and she said adios. Husband wedged himself behind the dryer and took out the twenty hex head screws to discover the manual inside and directions that had him opening up the front of the machine, of course.

The dishwasher gave it up two years ago. And the water heater was replaced nine years ago. The oven and clothes washer are both almost six years old. Which appliance is the next up for catastrophe? Adjustable expectations may be the only way to save yourself. Always expect the Spanish inquisition.

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