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Christmas gives me such clarity. Doing all the necessary Christmas tasks and I feel plugged in and purposed. It gives me a legitimate excuse to not dwell on all the career procrastination I’m doing. I just want to decorate and cook and entertain. I notice though, that even in my holiday frenzy and event planning,…
Today was a Monday back at the desk. I have been waiting all weekend to be free to write. And when I sat down and got myself organized, I found myself distracted and off-roading into a lathered dither about a snaffu I’m having with my pictures. I’m unhappy at not being able to do something…
I once read that you won’t know if you have succeeded if you don’t have a picture of what success looks like. I found that profound and daunting as I wasn’t allowed to succeed so I’d be unable to come up with that. I can also see now that having no definition of enough would…
My old nickname used to be the Energizer Bunny. I like doing. I have valued myself for the amount of doing I get done and that’s the way I’ve coped with my stress (see industrial overfocused). And while it has worked for me that I made it through the holidays feeling pretty proactive and deserving…
Enough, like Esteem, is one of those concepts I revisit again and again hoping to coax out the secrets to unlocking the spell it holds over me. I am certain that the key to releasing me from the state of not enough lies closer to me than ever before. Can you feel the “not enough”…
As I drove I considered the concept that perhaps some of us are already living our ideal lives. My therapist pointed out to me once that I was living an enviable life of constant creativity yet all I ever wanted to do was dwell on those things I didn’t have yet and hadn’t accomplished yet….
It occurred to me that what I know is what I know. It is the sum of what I feel to be truthful. Worrying about what I don’t know takes me to a place of uncertainty and anxiety where I’m assuming what I don’t know can be used against me somehow. Perhaps that fear, the…
I’ve gone through spells of uneasiness recently. Days or patches where something is off. When I don’t feel great about what I’m doing or the day itself. And I realized it may be a little voice that says things are not quite good enough. My expectations and my actualities are not evening out. I wrote…
In the middle of writing in my journal this morning, thinking about my next round of tasks, I felt a sudden twitch. It was a should. I thought… instead of just floating about, I should have a plan on which way I’m sailing my blog boat. Everyone else seems to have one… And then I…
It happens less often, but it still happens. I have sudden wobbly patches, self-doubt storms that descend on my thoughts and life journey and stop everything cold. Takes me time to recover, to understand what I was thinking and the fallacies I was trying to uphold. And then I begin again from where I left…
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