I became so tired of the hurry, scurry, and worry. As I read blog posts and Instagram posts about how people had experienced adrenal gland burn out from all the anxiety juice they were pumping into their bodies, I understood even more my own addiction to Doing.
In my case, the anxiety manifested into stomach problems. As a child, I had stomach aches. As a college student, I had gastritis which was one step away from an ulcer. And when I had my children I would devlop a pain in my stomach that went straight back to my rib cage. My anxieties were physically manifesting right where Virgos are known to be vulnerable: in my gut. Gradually I caught on that taking Zantac quelled the acid, but two Christmases ago, my stomach was so ouchy that I couldn’t drink red wine or eat tomato sauce.
Flash forward to this November when a stressful October and a November emotional episode led me to ask for medicine to alleviate my anxieties. The sky opened up for me.
I slowly began to notice that anything I said I couldn’t do made me anxious at the anticipated outcome of failure. And when I just did my best and let life happen, I was much more calmer. I’ve stayed very easy going and worry free as much as possible. I avoid making lists but rather just make the effort to do the things I need to get done. I’m 100 times less neurotic.
This morning, I am looking at a day that seems to yawn time in front of me, although I also know that the time is finite and will come crashing down around my shoulders at 3:30 when the bus returns my daughter. And I feel completely happy and lucky that I am not in a frenzied hurry to scurry mode doing all the things I never used to give myself credit for. I give myself a ton of credit now. And I want to credit a lot of this claim and productivity to the regular art practice of the ICAD project last year and the
100 day project last and this year. What is meant to get done today will get done today. And there is a bunch more tomorrows to embrace hopefully.
How to gain self trust has been of the truest interest to me. See this article for the list of top methods of building self-trust.
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