My intention was to rid myself of all the to-do’s befuddling my mind before I had this baby. I wrote this post about the baby to do list. Not the avoidance of the to-do list that I spoke of here.
But there was more going on behind the scenes than gathering baby supplies and completing house projects. I had committed to completing much more. More than I realized. The truth is mine to tell but maybe I didn’t want to tell it to myself.
I’m a multifaceted girl. Not only do I have a blog, I have a big nasty house to clean and keep, animals and extended family that need care, and two men to take care of. Plus a baby. There’s laundry and cooking and I don’t think I accurately conceive of how much I intend to accomplish on a daily, weekly, monthly, or yearly basis.
A few items I had wanted to complete before the baby was born, and may still be in the process of doing so:
Redecorate Eamon’s room
Plan Eamon’s 8th birthday party
Clean out garden beds
Take back Marks’ suitcase with wonky wheel
Design logo for the Culinary School for which I am on the board
Redesign husband’s website
Catch and spay stray cat in the backyard
And then remember, there’s still those tasks taken for granted. Like writing thank you notes, balancing the checkbook, watering the plants, changing the cat box, and changing the sheets on the bed. These tasks are a part of maintaining the life to which I’ve become accustomed. Can’t not do them.
I think that our unspoken unaccounted for to do lists can be a form of self sabotage. Our brains fill with purpose and promise of the power of accomplishment. But unlisted and unchecked and continually added to, our to do lists become monstrous brain tape worms.
And I suspect there is more of this going on than we realize. Feeding our anxieties and fueling our compulsions, we relive a low-grade post traumatic stress disorder kinda life. Never enough done and never enough food or alcohol or whatever to quell the voices that say we’ve not done enough or enough right.
My new MO is to attempt to write my thoughts and list them. And thus I can walk away for days. And not to add too many things back on the list that I can’t enjoy its clearing.
I am impressed with myself these days. Anything beyond the baby is a bonus. And I did get the new suitcase, design a kickin’ graphic, and redecorate that room. Call it will power, resolve, or stubbornness. But I’m taking names. Next.
you go, girl.
I’m already gone.
You can do it!
And apparently more. Honestly, as soon as I stopped worrying about doing anything, I got way more done. And I’ve got my own private cheering section right here. Thanks, Jennifer.
That’s so awesome, I’m proud of you.
I’m re-reading, very interesting about the connection between never ending to do lists (and piles, as in my In box, my auxillary in box and my overflow inbox), and the learned tendency to feel you are not enough.
You are the kinda reader I hope I am for others. Thanks Michelle.
I think you are overly ambitious to even contemplate spaying the stray cat. I’m not sure
that the back yard is the best location for the
snip snip or abdominal surgery. You didn’t specify whether it is a male or female. In any case, I really think that’s something you should
leave to a vet to do.
You are doing great just to remain sane. I know
you want to keep things in order and accomplish
more than the ordinary daily chores beyond baby
care. That time will come, be gentle with yourself. You are doing fine.
Thanks for sharing both of your children with UUFE.
If you ever want to talk with a somewhat older
maybe objective mother of two, please feel free
to pick up the phone or I’d be happy to visit
for a face to face.
It was the way that I worded this. She resided in the back yard. And now she’s fixed by a vet of course.
My purpose of this was to own being an overzealous overachiever in the past and hopefully give others a chance to let go as well. Thanks for your support.
well, someday I’ll tell you the story about how Kevin (whose uncle had a pig farm) once neutered our two young cats (after having seen his uncle once neuter a pig.) Ahem.
I have a vague suppressed memory of you telling me that. There’s no way it was also someone else. And Ew.
watering plants whilest wearing no pants. Let’s dance. Put on your red shoes and dance the blues.