It took me four months but I finally lost that dagum 10 pounds. How certain I’d been that it was only going to take me those first two months to lose that weight doing Weight Watchers. Then I’d win that bet and get my money back like they’d offered. And it was all going real well until it wasn’t.
I had been cruising at a pretty good clip. I was going to weigh in at Weight Watchers once every two to three weeks. As a woman, my weight will fluctuate three pounds in one week as I bloat and back-up before my period. 50 is doing a stutter on that now and it’ll do what it does until it’s done. And then there was a set back.
We’d enjoyed Mother’s Day and I’d gone off-plan. I had eaten whatever I wanted for two days, not kept good track of it, and the day that I officially weighed in, I’d not gone to the bathroom. This resulted in a “you’re the same weight as you were last time” outcome, and I went home feeling defeated.
My expectations were already blown. I’d declared that I’d lose these pounds and I hadn’t.
Lesson One: Be careful what you’re expectations are that you are holding yourself up to.
A young woman and mother I know at the local YMCA and Weight Watchers too, belittled herself by saying she can only get to the gym 5 days but not on the weekend. Really? Who still doesn’t think that 5 days is stupendous? Her. When we set our goals so high that it’s unachievable, how do we ever get to feel good about anything we do?
I turned that whole previous weigh-in debacle around when last night I took myself to the Weight Watchers meeting to weigh in again and lo and behold, I’m suddenly 2.5 pounds lighter. And coming home I thought about how this Weight Watchers weight loss attempt is a walk on a razor’s edge. You need the accountability of the weigh-in to keep you honest and to keep going. Yet I am adamant about saying that there is no number in the world that defines any on us. We are not proven worthy by our weight. Period. Nor our children’s accomplishments. Nor the balance in our bank accounts. We are not numbers but souls in need of compassion.
Your height, weight, and IQ score are not you. Your soul defines you. So the second lesson here on the Weight Watchers learning march was,
Lesson Two: Be conscious and wise about your definition of the best you.
I was so used to feeling hopeless about my weight loss that when it didn’t seem to go as fast as I expected it to, I wanted to just say it was all bad and give up, throw in the towel… for about a minute. Then I knew that what I really needed was to tweak my all-or-nothing thinking.
I’d have never even started this weight loss process if I hadn’t given myself permission to finally move. Sometimes we sit there on our throne of indignation and victimization screaming we can’t do it. We think it’ll be easier to sit and hope that someone will give us permission to move and hand us our definition of who we’re supposed to be and look like. It’s hard making a decision and choosing change but that is actually easier than sitting in that one controlled anxious spot for so long. The mind move has made me feel lighter as well as the weight loss.
Lesson Three: The only one who’s granting permission today is you so figure out how you’re gonna get it.
Despite the lies I was telling myself about how the process wasn’t working and I may have to give up on me, I kept on going just in case. And what I got to finally enjoy was that I reached my ten pound goal today on my scale at home. Funnier, I found out that Weight Watchers’ goal weight is only 7 pounds from now ! I had myself going for 13 more. And honestly, I’m so happy that I can fit into my clothing, I truly could never feel that disappointed in myself and I’m so proud that I have gotten this far.
I might only be moving a half a pound a week but that gets me to my goal from the beginning: to be happily skinnier by my 50th birthday. And that is coming up at the end of the Summer !!! I am already feeling so proud and I will be glad to embrace my next decade with pride in me instead of dislike for me.
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“we are not numbers but souls in need of compassion”. I love these wise words. Have rewritten them on a sticky note and it is going up on my office door and another testament to “the truth”.
My belly dance passion has as much to do with movement and I marvel at my fellow dancers. … some are really large, but “large and in charge” they become as the master the movements, as we dance together and as we brave bearing not just our bellies, but our souls during a performance. I am consistently inspired by the grace and suppleness of their dance– a dance that is executed on so many levels. Perhaps it is the weight of self condemnation (not the pounds) that is the hardest to shed.
thanks, as always, for your wise insights!
“Perhaps it is the weight of self condemnation that is the hardest to shed”. That one insight brings another to share back into the well of ahas. Thank you as well Sue.
Well done for persevering! I have the same desire to lose weight but finding it difficult to get started until now! You have really inspired me with your grit and determination and your words. Thank you.
Martina, I am so thrilled to know that you received something positive from my post. Thank you so much for letting me know and I am routing for your self-esteem all the way.
Congratulations, Shalagh! Be proud, for sure. It’s not easy keeping faith through the plateaus and changing expectations of weight loss. You look gorgeous, and I always love how you reflect with intelligence and humour on the prickly subject of self image. Are you throwing yourself a Birthday Bash? Can’t wait to see your decor. xo
A Birthday bash?! Hadn’t thought of that Dawn. And now I will. Hmmm. Thank for your acknowledgement of my writing. It is your assessment and reflection of my writing which helps me have perspective on it’s worth and potential in the greater picture. Helps me greatly.
Congrats, Shalagh!! Way to keep going and push yourself for that change. I love that we are not numbers but souls in need of compassion. So eloquent. I think it’s better to lose weight slowly anyway. I think it’s more likely to stay off that way. Love ya, Amy
Oh thank you so much for this Amy. Very kind of you and very true. I need to knuckle down and wheedle a couple more pounds off to ring in my new 50th year with.