I have a hard time believing. Raised by anxious agnostics with low self-esteem and a Depression mindset of scarcity who betrayed me, I have a hard time believing.

In January, I started a dietary and awareness adjustment program called Noom. It’s a great program because it comes from a psychological perspective, which I love. The first question they ask and want you to answer “yes” to is, “Do you believe you can lose this weight?”. When I read that question last November, I knew I would change nothing during the holidays.

But in January, I returned to Noom and said that “I believed”. Skip forward to two months later and I haven’t lost a significant amount of weight. I haven’t gained any weight either. With the fluctuations in my weight due to my redundant colon, my body is irregular. And I keep remembering what they say about women’s metabolism in their 50s. Slow and slower and slothlike.

But I also know that quitting never yielded positive results except with my first marriage. So I have to sit with my discomfort around not believing in myself. I have to keep logging my food and keep exercising and yes, keep stepping on the scale.

I have a hard time believing that all my hard work will make a difference in many applications. That much of what I say or write is of no interest to others. That no matter how hard I try, my kids are gonna end up with some sort of addiction problem. That I’ll never live debt-free. But I have no choice but to keep going. And do so joyfully.

Because the one thing I do believe in is Joyful living. And Creative Soul Living.

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Comments

  1. Let me jump in here and say that this is my FOURTH time to try Noom, and this time it is working because I’m staying with it and letting it go as slowly as it takes. I’m not getting frustrated, and I’m not weighing every day because that just causes me anxiety. I’ve lost 16 pounds since January, and I want to lose another 20.

  2. Faith. Have faith that people read your blog . More faith is needed when you don’t receive recognition for excellent prose… but know people still read, smile, and resonate with your messages . You will lose weight if you toss the scale . Scales and women – a nuclear stress concoction which feeds on fat cells . Screaming at the top of your lungs kills stress, so give it a whirl . My only weight advice, which I do everyday, is to have your dinner early ( 5:30-6:30) and don’t eat until 10a the next day. Fasting for 16 hours drops pounds faster than any diet and is quite good for longevity as well.

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