Your Self-Esteem House

There’s an old farmhouse on the way to Easton on route 328 I’ve been watching disintegrate since we moved here 15 years ago. Ten years ago, the porch roof finally fell off. And year by year the house looks worse.

I’ve seen a light on in an addition to the house. There’s plastic over the windows and once I saw a child get dropped off from the school bus there. There’s even a cow that’s parked in the backyard we always look for when we drive by.

Recently, as I passed this house driving home from Easton, I looked through the windows straight to the backyard and I realized this house reminded me of a person who does no spiritual and intellectual upkeep. You can look busy but on the inside you can be empty. With the lack of new thoughts, cobwebs and deteriorating floors inevitably happen.

With no upkeep on your inner peace and esteem work, leaks will also develop. Ignorant of the what you need to grow and the way to receive it, you will look for the wrong things to stuff in those holes, and the structure that is you will begin to fall apart.

Desperate to fill the holes up, you may want to collect other people’s beliefs and credos and stuff them into your house hoping you’ll feel fuller. You’d stack these high until all that remained were tiny pinched pathways to navigate through your mind. You’d find yourself wondering which pile you left yourself under. Or what if you’d continually edited your possibilities out due to your fears until you were trapped in a self-restricted prison, bouncing off the walls every time you went to choose anything.

I can’t imagine not being on this journey of self-discovery to define what I am, what I think, and how I feel. It brings me such relief and joy especially when I share it with others and find our commonalities. I regularly replace my roof, change the curtains on the windows I see out of, and move the furniture about, and I have people come and go and as much as I’m alone, I’m never lonely.

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