There was a time when my body and my brain had a lot of aches and pains. I had sinus problems galore, I had back issues, tooth ouchies, and I had head issues. And funny, I was resolved to be there living in that pain each day. Worthy of the suffering. How ridiculous I think now. But when you live your life fearfully, you honor the dread before the hope.
You say, I don’t want to pay those Doctor’s bills, I’m broke. I have a zillion dollar copays. It can’t be too bad, maybe it’ll go away if I wait. I used these excuses to neglect myself. But all my body and my soul heard were that I wasn’t worth it.
………..I Was Not Worth Caring For …………
Would you tell a child that? You and your pain need to go suck a lemon because I’m not paying for a doctor’s appointment to find out what it really is. You aren’t worth paying for the hope to know that the pain can stop. Go look it up on the Internet?
What in the world are we doing to ourselves? You are allowed to have a pain and you can throw the fear, the pain, and the shame right in the old trash can and have a health profession check you out and tell you what you or they can do to fix it. At least you’ll have a plan. A plan is always a good thing.
And the more you tell yourself you are worth caring for, the more choices you’ll allow yourself to make that are self-care oriented. And you’ll notice that your soul feels lighter like someone has lifted lead weights from down in there and replaced them with helium balloons. And you’ll start to think about all the things that have bugged you and who you can get help from. The hope spreads through you like a fire.
We knew we had a ridiculous deductible and so we chose some of the big procedures and put them on a payment plan. That way, the rest of the year was then copays and we got every bodily and head tune up we could think of done within that year. Because you are allowed to acknowledge the pain and then go and get something done about it. Amen Sisters.
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This is exactly my experience, too. Thankfully I’ve recovered from self neglect, too. ‘Lead weights replaced with helium balloons,’ is a wonderful & apt description of what the beginning of self care feels like. ✌️
Recovery from self-neglect is also a great way of saying it too Heather. Thinking of you!!!