Although I am encouraging of empowerment and change, I am not secretly harboring a dream to be a motivational speaker or a life coach. I believe leading by example carries more weight. In a very insightful blog post from Kathleen of Braid Creative entitled Don’t Aim To Inspire, she says inspiring others can’t be your end all be all. People can be inspired by you but you have to be pursuing your own goals while your being inspirational and learning your lessons. I am suspicious of the slightly overzealous people preaching motivation and change of being most in need of the stuff they’re preaching. I have seen a few exceptions online.
I will again admit, I feel like I have often talked about change and how everything’s great while inside I’m thinking I’m faking my way through it. Faking it and not necessarily feeling like I was making it. Sometimes I clearly see those parts of me that are pretty cool. I read a writing piece and think, “Wow, that’s good”. Then I forget. I forget myself.
It’s like when you have all the necessary ingredients in stock to make a pizza from scratch on Friday night pizza night. The self rising pizza dough kit and the jar of sauce and the pre-shredded mozzarella and you still feel incapable of making the pizza. If you don’t think you can, you won’t.
I do not see all the methods and opportunities for advancement and clever work I can create for myself because I don’t always think of myself as capable. Remember how you see the outside of someone’s car with “Wash Me” drawn in the dirt but whomever is driving can’t see it. Or how about, if I could see my puzzle piece clearly and the spots to try it out in clearly, I’d still have to pick it up and place it in the hole.
So I am going as fast and as hard as I can to sort my pieces and look for the puzzle holes to fill. And yes, sometimes I’m saying, “I can make this pizza!” even though I have every doubt in what that process will look like. I can read instructions, ask a friend, Google it, or muddle my way through it. But this pizza won’t make itself and you know I’m getting kinda hungry.