You and I work so hard everyday to keep our lifeboats afloat. There are people to care for and bills to remember to pay. And I know I am not stepping back far enough to truly see how much I’m accomplishing. All this may impress you but I’m used to this. I’m valuing the wrong things apparently.
I found myself sad some months ago about how people I knew were letting all these marvelous things happen, flinging doors open. Walking towards their success. When I should have been happy, all I could think was “Why not me?” The simple answer was I wasn’t ready for it. The larger answer is I hadn’t set myself on sights to impress myself with my talents just to see if I could. To play the round of golf against myself and see what was my best score today could be.
I found myself thinking the other day that I’d like to feel that thrill of doing that dangerous impressive thing again. That sigh of relief, the surge of adrenaline, that excitement of sharing my act with people who I know will be pleased and proud of me. And then I remembered an old mantra that used to get me up and going, ready for the next challenge. I used to say,”What would I do to be my own Hero?” And memories of prior courageousness flood back to me. Of leaving an abusive marriage. Of beginning to write, starting a blog, joining Facebook.
I remembered I used to say,”What would I do to be my own Hero?”
And memories of prior courageousness flood back to me.
And suddenly I was no longer alone. I had an army of brave women with me. Fears are foolish. They prey on your weak moments when you’ve forgotten yourself. They whisper lies of not-enoughness to you. But there have been plenty of moments when I have been impressively courageous. Hello, childbirth twice.
Today I need to do things that make me uncomfortable, that I’m avoiding doing. But I also know that given a chance, they may become things I truly enjoy doing. They may lead me to the edges where I can happily stop and not wonder what else. They may lead me to places I never foresaw going and are my favorite places in the future. They may even lead me to connecting with my new favorite people. I just have to start with impressing myself. And allowing for the little unexpected, un-perfect, and exciting moments to unfold.
(First published back in November of 2016, I thought this one was worth revisiting. It made me feel good to reread it.)
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