What a slippery perspective buster “truth” is. The truth is that this first month and a half of Summer has been rough. Not in the hard ways my Summers used to start , but in very personal ways. Ways I was not even telling myself about.
Today’s truth is that I am still awaiting the steroid injections I received two days ago in my ouchy SI joints to take effect. I’m still holding my breath for the positive outcome. I’ve fought my way here and still there’s truly no change. And continued pain messes with your mind a little as it drains your good will, your hope, and your ease.
Truth is I cancelled my second round of Weight Watchers, because after three months, I didn’t lose a single pound. And I just felt like a watched pot. I refused to boil.
Personally, and professionally, I had set high expectations and goals I had to rise to so I could be the person I have always meant to be Right Now, knowing everything and producing brilliance. The disparity in my actuality vs my intentions made me so disconcerted, I chewed my lip apart for most of June. If it feels like you are living for another’s approval, you probably are.
We are at the half way point of Summer with one more Summer Camp next week and looking forward to one more mini-vacation which I’m hoping will be relaxing. But I have a sinus surgery lined up right afterwards for mid-August. It is radical self-care act for me to do this, long overdue, but it is also impending doom looming in my not too distant future. I’m scared.
For me, getting perspective on all of this means you write it all up and then you let it go. What are your suggestions for not dreading and instead being present?
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7 Comments
I’ve been feeling really bad about myself for gaining back about twenty pounds after working so hard for so long to lose sixty. I know how to lose it. It takes a stubborn commitment to a variety of steps, and I can do it. The trick is to get through the first miserable week, and that’s always what holds me back. I need a blast off with a bike ride or maybe signing up for a 5K with a friend who also wants to lose weight. Thinking… thanks for sharing your ups and downs.
I am so ridiculous. I am glad to bust myself for the benefit of the ones I care for. The 5K idea sounds ideal!
So… I’m back on the yoga mat this morning, out on the deck, and that feels wonderful. I’ve also brought with me my copy of A Course in Weight Loss: 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever by Marianne Williamson, which has been useful to me in the past. Something for us to think about today from the introduction: “The cause of your excess weight is fear, which is a place in your mind where love is blocked. Fear expresses itself as subconscious urges. The purpose of this course is to root out your fear, and replace it with an inestimable love.”
I often remind myself that the extra weight on me is the physical representation of my fear. So yes! I adopted a rock in my pocket yesterday. It is my grounding rock. It is reminding me that I am my own caretaker. I am here for me. I can trust me. Thank you for continuing the conversation with me, you, and the powers that are there waiting and willing to help us.
Hello my Friend, I have had many rounds of injections and PT for my SI. You have to give it time and let your body heal. It is hard to be our own caregiver and the truth that we are not is hard to face. I am mad at myself for gaining weight back that I had lost at the beginning of the year. I have a hard time getting into anything physical because of my chronic pain. I just try to move forward doing what I can when I can. Give yourself permission to hurt but also fight that fight to not let it take you over. It is not who you are but very much a part of you. It is a fine line to walk, but you have that rock and it will help you along your path.
Thank you for your encouragement Allie. The pain does mess with you. And then your confidence errodes . It is a fine line and I hope to heck to feel these shots sooner than later. I appreciate your support so much!