Last week was a mostly unstressful week. Sure there were one too many appointments to show up for, one of those running weeks I usually don’t like. But life was still good. And I found myself nibbling on my lip as I do when I’m nervous . My nervous habit, my tell of anxiety.
Don’t get me wrong, being a parent to a ten and a two-year old, soon to be eleven and three, is a stressful undertaking. Throw in some nasty hormonal fluxes and people in need of their daily constitutional and you’ve got some stress and poopy moods. But truly, it’s just life at that point.
So I brought this to my therapist and said, what’s up with this? She said when you have spent your whole life in anticipation of what’s next like the crisis and the struggle, you are so familiar with the chaos that the absence of it feels like a void you could fall into.
I was nervous that there was nothing to be nervous about.
Turns out, being anxious at the lack of anything to be anxious about is a “normal” thing for people who’ve grown up with constant chaos such as an addict in the house especially a parent. And fearing the calm is par to the course for lifelong chaos lovers who are trying to create less stressful lives for themselves and their children. Knowing that this is “normal” made me feel a little better as sharing is apt to do.
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