On December 22nd of this year, 2022, I had an essay published online. Titled The Major Aha Moment When I Stopped Fixating on Fixing Myself, you can read it HERE. I had submitted this to the Tiny Buddha blog back in September before the melee of Mom’s move and the Holiday gauntlet. Lori shot back such a warm email saying yes to publishing it, I was floored. And then I sat back and waited to hear back for when.

Fast forward, or in my case go extremely slowly until you get to the pinnacle of the Christmas holiday season, and I hear back from Lori of the Tiny Buddha website. She’s suggesting some edits. I shuffled more mom moving business and holiday hubbub with several rounds of edits. Yet, knowing I’d soon be published ignited a little ember of pride in my creative soul and that made the worst not as bad.

What I didn’t expect was the sudden onslaught of people to come and follow my Shalavee blog. And I received the nicest email from someone who’d stuck around on the site to read what I’d written. I received so many lovely accolades from my online community, I was brimming with pride and hope. And in that moment, I realized that it’s only me holding me back from putting myself out into the world.Allowing For More Embers of Pride on Shalavee.com

Well, I knew that, but had I not risked asking, I wouldn’t have suddenly felt like maybe there’s a forward to my future. I still have much to say. And I seem to be the only one doubting the quality of my writing despite receiving so many compliments. In fact, I even received one from my father. What?

And then my word of the upcoming year stood in front of me and waved hello. Allow. I suppose it’s akin to permission but it’s slightly gentler. If I believe in the work that I do and the art that I make, then others will too.

Michael Jackson’s words from Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’ hit me today.

I said you wanna be startin’ somethin’

You got to be startin’ somethin’…

Lift your head up high

And scream out to the world

I know I am someone

And let the truth unfurl

No one can hurt you now

Because you know what’s true

Yes, I believe in me

So you believe in you “

My future forward still includes my blog and writing more essays to submit. It includes me continuing to tell me truth in my honest way that I do. And it means listening to all the wise things I’ve said with a new set of ears. Ones that value what they’re hearing instead of devaluing. And it means connecting with others through my words and their words. I have found an ember again and I thank Lori the editor and myself for making that pride happen.

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